


Slow Spinning Redemption

by alinalotus



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-16
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2018-07-15 12:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 61,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7222348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alinalotus/pseuds/alinalotus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was only agreeing to this ridiculous plan for his brother's sake. But if it made Darcy Lewis look at him like he <em>wasn't</em> from the very depths of a nightmare, well, so be it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **So this takes place after the first Avengers, before any of the events in T:TDW but also includes things that would have happened after that in the MCU timeline...so uh basically it's a mess XD. I have kept some nuances, like Jane smacking Loki when they first meet, little bits like that.**
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> **Also Loki is a bit more accepting of Thor in this. He's more emotionally along shall we say, simply because I know I can't write him that well *cries*. I know this whole fic is probably one big cliché, but that's life kiddos. I'm thinking this will be around 4 chapters.**
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> **Do enjoy.**

_

Oh no, did I get too close oh?  
Oh, did I almost see what's really on the inside?

_

 

Darcy was breathing loudly next to him. It grated on his skin, a dagger slice to each of his nerves. Why couldn't humans do _anything_ quietly? 

“Fuck, this sucks.” She muttered, and though he remained silent, he concurred. To be in this little metal contraption, in the dark, for who knew how long...a hellish experience to say the least. So much for the famed riches of Tony Stark. The man couldn't even have properly working technology in a building he himself owned. When Fury had moved the operation into a Stark compound, Loki at least thought the basics would have been guaranteed. 

“Where are the fucking lights? God, SHIELD is so useless.” Well, he certainly wouldn't be arguing _that_ point with her. He was little more than a prisoner, though without the cage. He tapped his finger lightly on the metal cuff on his leg, under the ankle of his boot. No cage but still kept track of, like an animal in the wild, the illusion of free will dangled in front of him when truthfully he was the star of their twisted little reality show. 

“I'm going to kill Jane. I don't care if she loves her work, or how important it is. I don't even like it that much. God, she's dead. Loki, are you listening? She. Is. Dead.” 

Loki sighed. “Yes Darcy, I, and every other person in the entire two block radius, heard you.” 

It hadn't been that horrible, to be frank. After his capture, Thor had made the decision for him to stay first on earth and pay for his crimes, rather then sending him directly to Asgard. Fury had given him a bit of slack on the leash, no doubt in an effort to keep on friendly terms with Thor, and he had been authorized to consult Jane on her continuing work for SHIELD. His quarters were on the floor below the lab she was working in, and though he wasn't allowed to go anywhere else in the building and most definitely not outside of it, it made for a welcome change from the glass cage he'd previously been in at Fury's hands. 

In the time since then, Thor had been earnest and eager when it came to their relationship. Having time to reflect, Loki had come to the basic conclusion that his anger rested not with Thor- after all, he'd had no true idea of Loki's parentage either- but with Odin. Thor was here, trying to help him, and as his friends were in drastic short supply, Loki was softer in regards to his brother than he usually would have been. Though he wasn't exactly thrilled to admit this, he did take Thor's efforts to rehabilitate him more to heart. 

Not that he'd ever truly be “saved”, at least not in the pure sense that Thor was after, but there had to be _something_ left in him, if there were people willing to give him a second chance. Perhaps the bad would always outweigh the good, and his past actions were blatantly unforgivable, and perhaps one day Thor would see that. However, he had the chance to live in the now, and he would seize that while he could. 

Loki was not fool enough to believe that he could remain here, away from Asgard, forever. No doubt Odin would construct a truly hellish punishment, one where which, in the end, Loki would beg for death. There was not much to look forward to. A sentence on Midgard did not seem so bad in comparison to what awaited him. 

He never spoke more than was necessary, and he certainly wasn't on friendly terms with Jane or Darcy. But he had learnt to coexist with them. They were rather entertaining, if truth be told. Well, Darcy was, at least. With her vulgar language that often made Jane blush, her loud music, and her refusal to fall in line with every one of Fury's directives. Still, he had made it clear that he was the monster under the bed and they were to fear him. They were not to trust him, and though Thor treated him as he had when they were children, he sensed that Jane and Dacry- and the whole of SHIELD- still hadn't put the whole New York fiasco behind them. Well, they could join the line.

Darcy had been somewhat hesitant to get on the elevator, when she realized it would just be the two of them. He still made her uncomfortable. He didn't know if he was glad about that or not, and this confusion alone angered him. She had taken a deep breath, as though steeling herself, and stepped inside, immediately reaching for the hand rail. He wondered why she hadn't opted to take the stairs, but if she were off on an errand, thirty flights of stairs probably wasn't her idea of a good time. 

The look on her face as the elevator came to a complete stand still, and the lights began to flicker, was enough to arouse sympathy even in him. She was truly and utterly terrified. Usually, the fear of others elated him. For some reason, he just felt... _bad_ for her. And then, the breathing had started. She'd slid down onto the floor, and unconsciously, he'd joined her. Blindly, in the dark, she'd reached out for him, grabbing his arm (thank the Allfather that's all she could reach). 

Gods, it had been so long since he'd felt somebody touch him, somebody other than his mother or Thor. That somebody on this forsaken planet wasn't repulsed by him, had in fact reached for him, caused a lump to form in his throat. 

He cocked his head to the side, eyeing her. Here she was, a mere mortal, a weakling, so puny and small under his metaphorical boot...she was, ah, what was the term? _Freaking out_. Having a full blown panic attack, and she hadn't tried to hide it from him. The hand that grasped his arm was like a vice. 

Why would she do this? Display so much vulnerability to him, of all people? It was unwise to reveal a weakness to an enemy. 

“Talk, dammit. Say something.” Her voice came out cracked, in between raspy breaths. 

He raised an eyebrow. “What would you have me speak about?” 

She shook her head, her grip on him tighter, if anything. “Anything. Your voice...it helps.” 

And that's when it dawned on him. 

She didn't think of him as her enemy.

**oooo**

“Darce!” Jane was waiting with the crew when they pried the doors open, and the workers reached for Darcy first. He watched as Darcy returned Jane's hug before turning, waiting for Loki to climb out. 

He did so with as much grace as he could, and when he strode past her, he caught a smile from her. He felt the corner of his mouth twitch, his instinct to return the gesture. Jane watched the exchange with a raised eyebrow, but then Darcy was gone, and Jane turned to follow Loki to the lab. 

“So you survived your first Darcy Lewis panic attack, huh?” Jane said, as the guard at the door let them both in. 

Loki shrugged once, making no reply. 

“Well I just hope you didn't say anything to her.” Jane chuckled. “once, Erik tried to talk her down, and she punched him in the face.” 

Against his will, Loki turned to Jane, his expression interested. 

“It's true,” Jane nodded, “broke his nose. If he wouldn't have touched her, it probably wouldn't have been so bad. Course, he was just trying to help. Actually I'm surprised that she even took the elevator,” Jane mused, opening the top drawer of her desk and searching inside for something, “she hates them.” 

Loki thought back to when the doors opened and Darcy stood there, that sick look on her face. Had it been the elevator itself, and not him, that she was displeased with? And clearly his voice hadn't brought her to violence (though he was sure Darcy was not the first person to punch Selvig in the face), and though he most certainly hadn't initiated any physical contact, Darcy had held onto him as though he were the only thing keeping her grounded. A conundrum indeed. 

“Ah, here we are.” Jane held out a Polaroid picture for Loki to take. 

It was a picture of Selvig, his nose bent at on odd angle, blood spurting from both his nostrils. Again, against his will, Loki found himself far more intrigued than he should be. He vaguely wondered if Jane smacking him upon their first meeting was because of her friend's influence. Darcy indeed had some fire in her, something he always appreciated. 

“She's...” Loki trailed off, and Jane chuckled again, giving a knowing nod. “Yep, one of a kind, our Darce.” 

Loki couldn't bring himself to disagree. 

**oooo**

Sometimes, Darcy loved everything about herself. She was damn proud of how far she'd come in her life. She'd graduated near the top of her class, her shiny degree proudly displayed on the wall behind her computer at the lab. She'd survived a goddamn alien attack on her planet, she'd met people from another realm, and she even considered herself a close and personal friend of the prince of Asgard. 

Well, _one_ of them, anyway. She would have very much liked to say that she and Loki were as close as she and Thor, but that would be a big fat fudging lie. Sure Loki tolerated her, as most people eventually learned to. But that was probably more because of the small amount of freedom Director Fury had given him, and he didn't want to tip the scales too much back out of that favor. 

But, he had been cool about the whole incident in the elevator. She had no idea why small spaces like that freaked her out. It had been something that hadn't started to really bother her until college, and then it'd gotten a million times worse when she started working for Jane. She really should've taken the stairs, but if she had waited until she'd gotten back from the usual noon coffee run to take the elevator (she was _so_ not tripping up thirty some odd flights of stairs in her new boots and with armful of coffee in the name of science, thanks), it would've been so much worse. _So brilliant plan as usual, Darce,_ she scolded herself as the elevator doors slid open. She was glad that she wasn't in it alone, especially once the piece of shit had gotten stuck. Oh man, she was sending Happy, Tony, Coulson, and Pepper a memo about that _now_. 

And other times, Darcy hated that she had no filter. She'd tried to be better, these past few years, but taking everything so seriously all the time like Nick Fury did, man, she wasn't cut out for that. Life wasn't a party, she knew, but what was the point if you couldn't laugh at yourself- and everybody else? She knew she joked more than she should, and though her work was top-notch, her professionalism was, to say the least, super lacking. But she worked hard, and even if a lot of people didn't think so, she was smart. Had to be. She couldn't just flash a pretty smile in size two jeans and get what she wanted, a truth she'd learned to accept long ago. So she made do in other ways, in her own ways. Often, that led to, simply, disaster. As it had in this case.

Tears stung at her eyes, and she felt like she wanted to punch something. Or someone. Either would do. She hadn't exactly expected to get anywhere with Steve, no, he was too _wholesome_ , and honestly, her advances had mostly been rooted in jokes, but his blatant rejection still made her cringe. Thank god nobody was around to see her humiliation. How would she face him ever again? Well, she couldn't have good ol' Captain America thinking he'd really effected her. 

The cocktail party was just a gathering of, you know, earth's finest heroes and those who worked tirelessly behind the scenes to keep their world safe. All of the Avengers were there, and she'd met them on several occasions, even chatted with them. Dare she say she considered some of them her friends? So her off the collar remark about whether the rest of Cap was as solid as his shield, well, it didn't hit the hilarity mark as much as she hoped it would. 

Steve had taken her aside and told her, very clearly, that he wasn't interested in her like that. He was nice about it, of course, as if he'd be anything else. He was her friend, but just that, and she shouldn't be worrying about that anyway, not with the important work Jane was doing. That's where her focus should be. Ah, Jane. Of course. It was always Jane, wasn't it? Or, at the very least, Jane's work. She'd left him before he could start in on a lecture about patriotism and helping others, or what the hell ever he felt he needed to hop on his soap box for.

She sighed. This was so not the life she pictured for herself when Jane had begged her to come along to SHIELD. Her poli-sci degree had proved useless so far, but working with Jane had brought her a sense of fulfillment, that maybe somehow she was contributing to the cause. 

Now she wasn't even sure what that cause was. Aliens, gods, superheros, Nick Fury and his security paranoia (not that she could really blame him). She didn't think her inputting Jane's data, doing coffee runs, and basically just being Jane's shoulder to cry on while Thor was away, was doing much good for the world. But she stayed because Jane was her family, and working for SHIELD was better than going back to Butthole, New Mexico to listen to her parents gripe about how she should've either become a doctor or married one. 

She'd found a quiet alcove, so when Jane interrogated her later about disappearing, she could at least say she'd still been at the party, just out of the way. Jane typically knew when Darcy was lying, so she did her best to keep to the truth enough that Jane wouldn't worry too much. If Jane knew how humiliated Darcy was, she'd march off and slap Steve Rogers herself, although Darcy sure as hell wouldn't mind seeing that! 

“Jane will be looking for you.” He shook her out of her reverie, approaching her so quietly that she hadn't heard him until he was right in front of her. 

Ever princely, Loki had worn a pair of soft, leather pants, boots to his knees, and a deep emerald tunic with gold embroidery. His long hair was tucked behind his ears, brushing his collar. She had to admit that _damn_ , they knew how to make them in Asgard. Or Jotunheim, in this case. 

“Nah, she's two glasses of wine in and probably draped over her boy toy at this point.” 

Loki's grimace told her she was right; ha! Did she know her friends or what? 

“Well, one must wonder what the usual life of the party is doing on her own.” 

Darcy shrugged. “I just...needed some air. And I'm not, you know. Not really. I don't actually like parties all that much.” 

“You?” Loki raised an eyebrow. 

“It's true! Although I am hilarious and who wouldn't want to get down with this?” But her voice lacked any real conviction. It was this that caused Loki to hesitate for only a second before taking a seat next to her. 

“Well, perhaps the rest of this, ah, crew, will be alright for a few moments. Miss Potts and Jane seemed to be giving a valiant effort at crowd control.” 

“If only we could all be Janes or Peppers instead of lowly, insignificant Darcys.” Darcy rolled her eyes good-naturedly, but Loki sensed some underlying bitterness to her words. He gave her a long look, noting that her eyes seemed rather wet, and that her pallor was flushed. He jolted himself; why did he care so much? If nobody else was bothered about her, why in Valhalla should he be? 

“I know that sounds _so_ mature. And I should be happy to be here, right?” She turned to him, awed, as always, by his height. She had to look over and up to meet his eyes, surprised by what she saw there. He was actually listening to her. Not mocking her, not regarding her like a spoiled kid. She saw no pity, of course, but there was permission. Permission to talk, permission to _feel_. 

“Jane picked me, you know? I mean, out of everybody and anybody she could have wanted to work with her, she picked me! It's flattering. And I love her, we totally have that sisters vibe going on. But this place, with all these people who aren't _just_ people, you know what I mean? I don't think it's my scene at all.” 

“That,” Loki said, giving her his trademark mischievous smirk, “is not a bad thing.” Darcy held his green stare for a moment, trying to swallow down the butterflies that unexpectedly fluttered against her rib cage. _Not a good train of thought, Darce..._

“God I sound so pathetic! Yuck. I'd better get a drink or something. Or a pizza. Yes, pizza.” 

“Well I don't think Tony Stark (Darcy noted this name came out dripping with sarcasm, and it made her smile, just a little) would serve pizza at one of his famed cocktail parties, but I believe I did see a table of hors d'ourves just around the corner.” 

“Ugh, that involves walking.” Darcy indicated the high heels she was wearing. Loki averted his eyes, trying not to follow the length of her pale leg up to the short hem of her dress. She looked...different, more made-up, then she did in a daily basis in the lab. Of course she did, it was a party, after all. All of them were far more formal than usual. It was odd, but he sort of missed her glasses and preferred knit head wear. 

He wondered what Darcy could see in Jane and Pepper that would ever be better than herself, as was clear from her own words. Certainly they were different in their shapes, Darcy shorter in stature and more voluptuous than either Jane or Potts. Her midriff, as he'd seen on more than one occasion as she reached to a high cupboard or filling cabinet, was not entirely flat under the waist of her usual jeans, and her chest was far more ample than either woman. He wondered if this was what she was referring to, and if she would ever consider those negative things. Did she not know how truly lovely she was? 

And just when, exactly, had he begun to think so? His lip curled and he crossed his arms over his chest. Ha! Him, thinking anything of the sort about a Midgardian? Honestly, this entire planet was affecting his sense of reason.

“Maybe if-” Darcy began but Loki shook his head curtly, already knowing where her train of thought was going. 

“I will _not_ carry you.” 

Darcy mock glared at him. “Party pooper.” She muttered under her breath, before slipping her heels off and carrying them in one hand. “See if I bring you any pigs in a blanket.” 

The born and bred gentleman inside him (yes, it was still there, just under the thirst for ultimate power, for battle) was just about to rise and offer to get the food for her when she turned back, giving him a slow smile over her shoulder. Her eyes were clear, now, her full lips a feast for his eyes. 

For the first time since he came to Midgard, Loki grinned back. 

**oooo**

Though he would admit (grudgingly, and not without the assistance of an air sick bag) that Jane and Thor were probably the closest definition to soul mates in any of the realms, he thought the Jane Fosters of this world- and any other- were too... _easy_. Of course she was beautiful. One looking at her could not help but notice that. She had made a lasting name for herself in the intellectual community, and was loyal, and a host of other things that Loki, even with all his distaste towards her race, could recognize. 

But she was no challenge, no puzzle. There were no layers to Jane Foster, and perhaps that was something Thor liked about her. His brother was open like that; what you see is what you get. It stood to reason that the woman he loved would be the same. Pepper was perhaps more a mystery than Jane, but clearly much more inclined to psychosis. Only somebody severely deranged (and he was an expert on the matter, he liked to think) could be in love with Tony Stark. Pepper was undoubtedly a very powerful woman, running nearly the entirety of a conglomerate and doing so brilliantly (though he would never admit that to her face). Loki was one to respect (behind closed doors, obviously) power. 

So, even though Darcy was right where Jane and Pepper's significance were concerned, she was most certainly wrong about her own worth. Darcy was no Jane, no Pepper, no anybody but herself, and therein lied the most important thing Loki needed, and what was more, _wanted_ to know about her. 

He was not sure where his clearly misplaced instinct to comfort her had come from. Perhaps it was because he saw something of himself in her- not truly belonging to the world you were thrust in. He knew it was foolish; she was not his to comfort and out of comfort came the desire to protect. Him, protect her? Protect _anything_? That was Thor's game, he and his Avengers. Loki did not protect. He brought destruction. 

Everybody looked at him as some kind of monster, and he would readily agree with their assessments. However, very few stopped to think that possibly he himself had been manipulated and controlled. That Thanos had held a knife against his throat, just as he'd done to Earth's. Never mind that Barton himself had killed plenty, under the same noose that Loki had been. No, it was much simpler for them to paint him as a truly evil mastermind, the plain-as-day enemy. 

Except, Darcy did not feel that way, did she? Not only had she trusted him in a moment of fear, she had in fact sought his comfort. Their typical work days were not so unpleasant, and though she spoke the most out of anybody he had ever met, the chatter was not unwelcome. Jane's attempts at conversation were well and good, but one did not want to hear about Midgardian science the whole day. 

If he had to deduce it, to place a label to it, Darcy Lewis was worth more than any other human he'd met so far. 

**oooo**

Ugh, she was so stupid. Darcy Lewis, fuck up extraordinaire. Not only had she completely embarrassed herself and ruined what could have been a nice friendship with Steve, but now she'd practically sobbed on Loki's shoulder! 

Which was worse? she mused, as she got out of the private car Tony had placed at her disposal. The driver held the door open and watched as she got safely inside the lobby of her apartment building. All SHIELD employees lived within a five mile radius of the office, and though Fury would prefer everybody to live on-site, Darcy just couldn't stand being cooped up in the place she worked 24/7. As a compromise, Fury had security on her building around the clock, but she wasn't really complaining. Couldn't be too careful these days. 

It struck her that one of the villains they were all so scared of, so worried about, well, she might just have developed the _teensiest, tinieist,_ crush on. Loki had listened to her, had actually found her at the party, which was more than she could say for any of her other friends. Thor and Jane were understandably wrapped up in each other, but Happy and Maria were people she considered to be close with. She'd often got caught up talking with Dr. Cho as well, when they ran into each other near the coffee pot or vending machines. She thought, once more, of Loki's green eyes and cunning smirk, and of the genuine smile he'd given her as she went to get food for herself. In all the months he'd been on earth, in all the days she'd seen him, he'd never smiled that like. 

Yeah. Teeniest crush.

Ugh, she was so stupid.

**lyrics used from Unconditionally by Katy Perry.**


	2. Dibbs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos and comments and bookmarks, you guys are amazing! I never expected anybody else to like it so I'm pretty damn ecstatic over here. So there are a couple background ships in this fic, but they are very minor. The main ships are of course Darcy/Loki and Jane/Thor. I'm hoping if you detest the other ships you can just gloss over them as they have no bearing on the actual story.>  
> This _may_ have turned out a little more sexual tensiony than I originally planned. Sorrynotsorry for that...  
>  Do enjoy!

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_If you've got a Friday night free and a shotgun seat  
Well I'm just saying, I ain't got nowhere to be  
So baby I'll take whatever it is you've got to give..._

Darcy woke to the buzz of her cell, cursing the damn thing but having learned to answer it anyway, even if it was at an ungodly hour. It usually was, as Jane was frequently off to remote parts of the world and didn't bother about time zones, and Maria Hill certainly didn't care if it was the middle of the night. Duty called, end of story. 

“I'm going to kill you.” Darcy mumbled into the phone after answering it. 

“I miss you too. Listen, I'm in Norway with Erik, we need-” 

“Wow, the guy disappears and calls you first? Thanks Erik. Remind me to punch you in the face again when I see you.” Darcy heard some muttering on the other end of the line. 

“Yeah, he sends his love. Anyway Darce, this is really important. I need you to head over to the lab-” 

“Whoa, what? Have Muscles beam you back! It's four in the morning, Jane!” Darcy argued, glancing at the digital alarm clock on the side of her bed. It read 03:58. Jane was _toast_ when she saw her next.

“That's the thing, Thor isn't here right now. He had to go help Tony and Bruce with something. You know how vague they are, and I didn't ask too many questions.” 

Darcy was already pulling on some clothes and searching for her favorite beanie. While Jane chatted on, she was plotting ways to demand a raise. She'd probably have to go straight to Maria or Pepper, as Jane was too much of an air head to care about something like paychecks. 

“So it's in the black box on the counter, I just need you to make a slight adjustment to it and then send me some simple calculations.” Jane finished, as Darcy was squeezing toothpaste onto her toothbrush. 

“Right, calculations...” she trailed off doubtfully. 

“It's no big deal, easy as pie. I'll text you exactly what to do, I have a meeting with Erik and-” 

The call cut out, which was something that was fairly normal. Jane didn't normally work in civilization, and though Tony and SHIELD had the very best technology available and would've given her a phone with coverage no matter where the hell she was, she'd never made the switch, preferring her dinky little flip phone that rarely got more than two bars of service. 

“Ugh, Mondays.” Darcy mumbled as she pulled on her boots and grabbed her bag. She was about to buzz the doorman to ask him to call for a car when there was a knock on her door. 

“Ms. Lewis, your ride is here.” Darcy swung the door open, smiling at Esau, who was probably the nicest person she'd ever met. 

He had worked in lobby of the Stark Industries building for Howard, and upon his death, Esau had contemplated retirement. Tony begged him not to- he'd practically been an uncle to him while he was growing up. Darcy had a sneaking suspicion that Tony considered Esau more a father than the man who gave him life. Tony gave Esau the pick of whatever job he'd like, promising to send him to school if necessary, but Esau needed to be around people, to interact with them, to help them. He claimed he was too salt-of-the-earth to be at a desk or in a lab. He liked working the door- it was important to see everything. So after New York, when Stark Industries had broken into the real estate game, Tony had made Esau the concierge and doorman of Darcy's building. 

“You're a life-saver,” Darcy said, gratefully taking the steaming Styrofoam cup of coffee Esau held out to her. 

“I know,” He said, taking her bag from her and leading the way to the elevator. He punched in the code for the lobby, and they zoomed down. A car was already waiting, and Darcy pecked Esau on the cheek as he held the door open for her. 

The driver seemed as dismayed at being awake at this ungodly hour as she was, so she was spared the small talk she usually enjoyed. As they got closer to the building, Darcy wondered if Jane had thought to call Loki as well. 

oooo

“I wish you could come.” Darcy heard Steve's voice, filled with something that was almost anguish. There was silence, then the pouring of coffee. The gossip in her stopped, standing perfectly still. Just _who_ was Steve Rogers so torn about leaving behind? The building was practically deserted this early, with only the security team out in full numbers. She'd been buzzed through and patted down, the usual, but hadn't seen any other employees. She was just coming up on a small break alcove, one of many scattered throughout the main floors. 

“The Director wants some of us here. Gotta cover the bases.” She heard Sam Wilson reply and Darcy's eyes widened in surprise. 

“I know. I just...” More silence. Then, the unmistakable shuffle of bodies, and Darcy chanced a peek around the corner. Steve had Sam in what could only be described a passionate embrace, their foreheads touching. 

“Be careful.” Sam said, and Steve chuckled. 

“Took the words right out of my mouth.” Steve kissed him, then, and Darcy felt like an even bigger idiot for ever holding anything against him for their earlier run-in. God, how had she missed _this_? Now that she thought about it, Sam and Steve were often seeking each other out, and she saw them together all the time- in the cafeteria, the hallways, going in to meetings together. She had just assumed that they were best friends- that all of them were. If ever a group of people had boundary issues, it was definitely The Avengers. Hello, dysfunction! Not that she was judging, of course. She considered them to be a family, and what family didn't have its issues? However, it appeared that _much_ more was going on. 

She sensed their moment wrapping up, and she quickly backtracked down the hallway, so it wouldn't appear as if she'd been eavesdropping. She busied herself with her phone as she saw Steve, dressed normally but with a full duffle bag over his shoulder, coming down towards her. 

“Good morning Darcy,” he said brightly, giving her a wide smile. 

“And to you. Off to save the world?” She returned his smile with a warm one of her own. 

“Hopefully nothing that dramatic. You're here early, aren't you?” Steve checked his watch. 

Darcy nodded solemnly. “Right? Jane's insane! Still, duty calls.” She gestured towards his bag. 

“Well, good luck with whatever you're doing. And stay out of trouble.” 

Darcy smiled again, shaking her head. “No promises, Rogers. You know me, never a dull moment.” 

“Just try to keep it down then. And maybe, if I'm not back soon, keep an eye on Sam for me.” Steve winked knowingly at her, then with a cheery wave was off, out the set of glass double doors and the hallway was once again deserted.

So maybe she'd been dumb to think she could sneak up on an Avenger- two of them. But she was glad that her presence hadn't stopped Steve and Sam from expressing themselves, or their relationship. It wasn't all that surprising. Steve and Sam were both attractive, had the same sort of background. They appreciated the same things in life and had been through a lot of the same shit. It was common knowledge that Sam was Steve's right hand man, the one he trusted above anybody else. She wondered if anybody else knew. Surely they couldn't keep their attraction secret- they were literally smack dab in the middle of a super secret spy operation. But stranger things had happened, she supposed. 

As she passed the break room, she glanced inside, and Sam held up his mug to her in greeting, as though waiting for her to pass. He didn't say anything, though, so she gave him the same grin she'd given Steve and hurried on to the lab. 

**oooo**

Jane, while undoubtedly brilliant, was incapable of organization, or putting things where she'd remember them. It was something Darcy had learned to deal with, usually going behind her boss like an old school marm, cleaning and cataloging and keeping track of everything. So the fact that the instrument, (Darcy thought _doo da thingy_ was a much more fitting name) wasn't where Jane had said it would be was not surprising. More than annoying this early on a Monday, but a fact of Darcy's life. 

Though she didn't look it, Darcy was pretty organized and liked to keep things easy at first glance, so she typically color coordinated things. Colors were easier to remember than anything, and besides, she didn't understand half the shit Jane was talking about, so keeping things in alphabetical order wouldn't have done her much good. Jane was so scatterbrained that it was more of a chore than it was worth to try any other method anyhow. 

So she was sifting through the brown and black cupboard when she finally found what Jane had wanted, and yep, there was the switchy button thing, and the “on” light was just on the side- 

“Jesus Fucking Christ!” Darcy shrieked, pain splitting through hand and up into her arm. She dropped the small black cylinder, wishing she had a hammer so she could bust the damn thing to smithereens, and clutched at her left wrist, her heart in her throat when her hand came away bloody. 

Holy shit, holy shit, holy mother of god fucking shit! She probably had nicked an artery, the way the blood was pumping out of her, and oh god, she hated the feel of it, wet and thick and and she'd never get it out of her shirt, and this was her favorite one, too! 

“Somebody!” She called, “anybody there? Help! I'm dying!” The room was silent, and through the glass doors of the lab she could see nobody in the hallway. So much for the security dicks who were supposed to be monitoring the CCTV at all times! 

What the fuck! With all its tech, this building couldn't have had an intercom system? Or a, “pull in case of emergencies” lever? Oh shit, she was only in her twenties and she needed a life alert button! If she weren't in so much pain, she probably would've been laughing her ass off. 

Oh god, this was it, wasn't it? She would die from blood loss, right here in this fucking lab, and all because stupid, worthless science! 

The blood was seeping through her shirt sleeve, and she felt lightheaded, her panic increasing. If only her trusty taser could help her now...

She staggered from the room, hoping to see a guard, or another employee of some kind, but of course, the ONE time in the whole history of SHIELD the place was practically deserted. 

“Shit!” She gasped, as she stumbled- she could see a small trail of red behind her. She was bleeding worse than she thought. She needed to get help stat or she'd faint and just bleed out, and then where would Jane be? Jane would probably die without her! 

She was on her knees now, trying to crawl with just one arm, when dark started to spread around the corners of her vision. Oh no, oh no oh no. This was _so_ not how she was dying, dammit! 

She opened her mouth to give all her strength into a cry for help, and that's when the darkness pooled around her, covering everything.

**oooo**

The sun was rising later and later as the season progressed. It was nearly mid-Autumn now, and out his window Loki could see the leaves changing, falling, dying. All grass had yellowed and browned, and everyone went about in scarves and pea coats. His closet contained a few pieces of designer wear just like those below- men's pants and button up shirts and a tailored jacket (how his measurements were known was beyond him, surely he'd never sat for a fitting for something so ridiculous). He also was in possession of a sweat suit, a pair of dress shoes, running shoes, and two sets of pajamas. Though he had yet to wear any of this Midgardian clothing, it was still nice to think his wardrobe was not completely empty. 

Loki liked to wear his formal Asgardian clothes; it reminded him, and everybody else, that he was not of them. He was from another realm, and this was most certainly not his home. Better off here than in Asgard or not, he still held the belief that Midgard was beneath him. It was rather annoying, as he knew this deep set thinking came from Odin, and he wanted nothing more than to rid himself of the Allfather in every way possible. 

He checked the clock on the wall, deciding to start his morning. He was early, but sitting in his quarters was driving him mad. At least the lab would be a change of scenery, and he could busy himself, feel useful again.

There were things laid out on the counter when he arrived, his anklet acting as his security key card. The door slid open for him, and he noted Darcy's shoulder bag leaning against her computer. So she had been here already? That was odd, as Darcy was rarely an early riser. She was never late for work, but she had never been early, either. And that was when he saw it. 

The bloodied edge of one of Jane's gadgets, a small trail of blood spots leading out of the lab's side door. 

His stomach nearly dropped, and he strode quickly from the room, following the trail that zigzagged over the taupe carpet in the hallway, until he finally happened upon Darcy in a fainted heap. Unexplained relief washed over him, and though her breaths were shallow, she seemed to be alright. He picked her up, and seeing nobody else in sight, made his way back to his apartment. 

**oooo**

Darcy woke on an unfamiliar sofa in an unfamiliar room. The panic that she so vividly remembered started to rise in her throat again, but then she heard him, heard the voice that seemed to soothe her down to her bones.

“Stay still. You are not yet well enough.”

His presence, as it had in the elevator, brought her a sense of peace and calm. She swallowed and laid back. Loki was kneeling next to her, still towering over her even on his knees. He had rolled the sleeve of her shirt up, and was working with a washcloth and water to clean the blood away from the gash. 

Whoa, was this surreal or what? Loki, the one who mere months ago was hellbent on world domination and the subjugation of the human race, was helping her! He must've found her lifeless body in the hallway, which meant he'd brought her here, of his own choice. He was taking care of her! Just, whoa.

She watched him, his long, nimble fingers brushing along her skin as he finished cleaning the blood. He had a gauze wrap in his other hand, and he made quick work of binding the cut. Darcy bit her lip, wanting to protest the loss of his touch. Where was that coming from?! Small crush or not, she _so_ did not need to be harboring those kinds of thoughts about the super villain who was probably plotting mass destruction as she lay here on his couch. 

_But_...he could've left her in a sad little heap on the floor. He probably had gone to the lab early, and noticed the river of blood she'd left behind. That he went looking for her spoke volumes, didn't it? She'd worked at SHIELD long enough to know that not everybody there would be as considerate. Suddenly, Darcy felt ashamed of herself. She shouldn't assume the worst of _anybody_. The point of SHIELD and the Avengers was change. Every sentient being deserved the chance. And if Thor believed in Loki, why shouldn't she? Jane was beginning to befriend him, though that may have been out of desire to be around somebody who understood what the hell she was talking about- Darcy had little patience for Jane once she went all science fluent. Jane and Thor were two of the people she trusted most in this world. If Loki had their seal of approval, who was she to harbor the past against him?

“Hey,” she reached up, without thinking (as usual) and lightly brushed her thumb across his cheek. He stilled, frozen, but he didn't pull away from her. “Thank you. You probably saved my life.” 

He held her gaze for what seemed an eternity, and she held her breath, watching his green eyes, wondering if she'd crossed the line and if he'd reel back in repulsion, demand she leave him alone, never speak to him again. Her heart pounded at the thought of, now, never being able to be this close to him again. 

“When did you last eat?” He said at last, slowly standing. 

Darcy thought. “Let's see, the food at the party....Saturday my hangover was not having any of it. Yesterday I slept most of the day, I mean after my mom called. She'd put you into a coma too, trust me. And then Jane begged me to come in and mess with some stupid shit, and her stupid metal spinny thing attacked me, so-” 

Loki's eyes darkened with what appeared to be anger. “You have not eaten for two days?”

“I don't know, yeah? I guess. Not a big deal dude, I almost died!” 

In spite of himself, Loki let out a small, amused breath. “You were fine. It seems you were more incapacitated by your panic than your actual cut. Though you did lose some blood, it was not enough to cause you lasting damage, and certainly not death.” 

“I saw my life flash before my eyes.” Darcy argued, as Loki cleaned up the coffee table and went into the kitchen. She looked around at his apartment- it was next door to Jane and Thor's (she could only hope, for Loki's sake, that the walls were sound-proof), and nearly identical in layout. The furnishings were modern and comfortable, the far wall entirely made of glass, looking out onto the city. Unlike Thor and Jane's place, though, Loki's was immaculately clean. He probably even had hospital corners on his bed. 

“Your anxiety does present a certain problem,” Loki opened the stainless slate fridge and began pulling things out. Darcy sat up on the couch, pulling her knees up to her chest. The counter top was raised, so she couldn't see what Loki was doing, but she heard what she thought was the crack of eggs and the sound of a whisk against the side of a bowl. 

“Yeah, no shit. It's a nightmare. Wait, you meant for you, right?” Darcy added guiltily. Well, he had basically come to her rescue twice now, all because she couldn't keep her shit together. 

Loki looked up, confusion on his face. “I was referring to your career.” 

“Oh.” 

That Loki hadn't tossed her on her ass out of his apartment, out of his life, yet, was almost as amazing as the fact that she was here in the first place.

“An agent for an organization like this who succumbs to debilitating panic attacks...did they not know of this when you were sought to work with Jane?” 

“Well I'm not an agent, first off. More of an... assistant. Or something. And second, it didn't really get this bad until I came here. I dealt with it a bit in college, but here...I don't know, all these people around, all the pressure for Jane's work...I mean, it's small potatoes to be working in the desert with like, no funding, and then to come here with practically unlimited means. It sounds great, and it is. But there are lot of expectations, a lot of procedures, a lot of things to do and to be...” Darcy trailed off. 

“Ah,” Loki said, and she heard the sizzle of a frying pan, “you do not like a cage.” Their eyes met and Darcy swallowed the lump in her throat. 

“Guess neither of us do.” 

Loki shrugged once. “It is better than other options. At least I am permitted to have my own space. To work, somewhat.” 

“But you can't use magic.” It hadn't been said, not outright anyway, but it was common knowledge that Fury had basically forbade the use of Loki's ability. The responsibility would rest on Thor's shoulders, and perhaps this was why Loki was suddenly trust worthy- or more so, at least. It was this, Darcy sensed, more than anything that had changed Jane's mind about Thor's brother. Sure there was a long way to go, but if Loki was willing to suppress something that was a part of him for Thor's sake, well, that was good enough for the time being.

Loki was busy with his hands for a moment, then he said in a precise tone, “No, I cannot.” 

“That must suck.” Darcy said, surprised by his honesty, and she noticed Loki swallow thickly. 

“You can't even imagine. To be forbidden from something that is woven into your being, into your very blood...” Loki stopped, and Darcy was struck by the desperation in his voice, by the _longing_. He gave her a short, taken aback look, as though he couldn't believe he'd just said that.

“I suppose I can't.” She said, hurting for him. And this was the moment she knew, just one million percent knew, that she was so, _so_ screwed. Because Loki was everything- to a T- that a sane, well-adjusted woman should want to stay away from. If she had to put him down to just one word, it would be _dangerous_. She definitely should keep her distance. Everybody would agree. Well, Darcy had never been good at taking advice, and most definitely not her own. 

Loki was the first person she'd met here that had piqued her interest, that seemed to be as _lonely_ as she was. So what if he was technically under arrest? She'd done time in the slammer, too. Okay, it was just once and it was for some vandalism done at a sorority party, not exactly earth-shattering stuff like Loki had been involved in. Her argument was weak to her own ears, but she found herself distinctly not giving a shit. 

“Mother would be absolutely appalled at my manners,” Loki said, and he brought her over a tall glass of orange juice. “I am afraid I do not have much to offer you,” he started, but Darcy shook her head quickly. 

“This is perfect. Whatever you're cooking smells _amazing_. You're probably the last person I thought who could go all Gordon Ramsay.” 

Loki smirked. “The last? If you think Stark cooks his own meals you definitely are in fact delirious from blood loss.” 

Darcy laughed, and then stood up, crossing the room to the dining table. 

**oooo**

Loki had made omlettes, and Darcy put two away before she realized she wasn't exactly being ladylike. Not that Loki seemed to mind- he watched her with a bemused expression, then whisked away the dishes when she was finished eating. She never took him for domestic, but here he was, drying plates and spraying down the counter with Lysol, like any normal person. 

As she settled contentedly back to the couch, Darcy wondered if his mother had anything to do with it- he had said earlier that she'd be mad about his manners. 

“Your mother- Frigga, right? Do you still talk to her?” It was an extremely personal question, Darcy knew, but she wasn't exactly one to beat around the bush. Why waste the time? If Loki wasn't going to answer the question, no amount of hemming and hawing would change that. 

“Occasionally. Thor delivers our correspondence.” He was still behind the counter, slowly tapping his finger on the granite top, a habit Darcy had noticed since he'd started working in the lab. He did it when he was concentrating, when he was on the verge of breaking through some massive problem. She wondered what he was trying to solve now- a way to get her out of here? But if he really wanted her gone, he'd have said so, and in no uncertain terms, she was sure. 

“Did she teach you to cook?” 

“Gods, no. She's awful at it. Thor as well. They are very much alike.” 

Darcy wondered who Loki was like- he hated Odin so much, so Loki probably went out of his way to _not_ be like him, just like she did with her own mother. Odin sounded like a huge ass from everything Jane had told her and though Thor spoke with deep respect of his father, it often seemed to be more out of propriety than his genuine feelings. From what she'd heard of Frigga, she couldn't imagine Thor or Loki being very much liker her. Though a warrior in her own ways, she had still been docile enough to her husband to allow him to ban both of her sons from the realm. Thor and Loki were both rebels, when it came down to it. 

“You know,” Darcy had lain down, and Loki came over to the chair beside the sofa, watching her. He could tell she was not far from sleep, and he did not much blame her. She had to be exhausted from a weekend of no nourishment, then being awoken and injured at such an early hour. Yet, it was a massive mistake to let her stay here. There wasn't a person in the entire facility- or world- that would believe she was here of her own free will, that he had, in fact, been assisting her in a time of need. 

“a lot of people here don't trust you, at all,” Darcy continued, “they think everything is your fault- New York, I mean. Not everything, obviously, not like in the whole world. Oh god, I'm rambling, aren't I?” 

Loki went to reply, but Darcy did not give him the chance.“But see, Loki,” she continued, “I don't think I blame you. Or _just_ you, you know? I mean, you super sucked. Like, who even does that dictator bullshit anymore? But everything you went through, everything you had to find out from Odin and then those fucker aliens totally taking advantage of you...” 

Loki opened his mouth to speak, but he found he couldn't. Never, in all his days, had there been anybody in sympathy with him. Darcy was not excusing him of his actions, but she was trying to understand them. Even Frigga hadn't...

“Clint killed his fair share of people, too, and people just forgave him like it was nothing, _less_ than nothing. They say he was brain washed to do it. Why don't they think the same thing about you? And just who the hell ever said Bruce was the picture of innocence?”

She stared at him, her blue eyes boring into his. He had no answer for her, though he did not feel that one was necessary. She seemed to be asking herself, rather than him. She gave one long, slow blink, and then she was gone, lost to sleep. 

**oooo**

There was a swift knock at his door, then it swung open. Jane was there, a massively worried look on her face, and Thor behind her. He looked a little worse for wear, but his grin was as wide as ever. 

“Brother,” he boomed, and Loki narrowed his eyes in annoyance, gesturing to Darcy's still slumbering figure. Jane smacked his arm, putting her finger over her lips. Thor grabbed Loki's shoulder in affection, then turned to gently pick up Darcy. 

“Is she okay?” Jane asked, wringing her hands together. “I can't believe I forgot to warn her about the loose spring- this is all my fault.” 

“You would never purposely hurt her,” Thor said soothingly, freeing one hand from Darcy to cup Jane's cheek. She smiled appreciatively up at him, and Loki felt a mixture of revulsion and wistfulness at the sight. 

“She is fine. I did what I could for the cut. I made sure she had sustenance. Then she rested.” 

Jane and Thor exchanged a long glance, then Jane turned, wanting to reach for Loki's hand, but thinking better of it. “Thank you, Loki. Really. I'm so glad she had somebody looking out for her.” 

“A truly kind thing you have done, brother.” Thor said, and Loki stood there, watching them go, cursing the annoyance he felt at seeing Darcy in the arms of his brother. 

**oooo**

Darcy knew she wasn't in Loki's apartment before she opened her eyes. There was a different energy around her- at Loki's, she'd felt a sort of tingle in the air, a pleasant prickle along her skin. Here it was all heavy light, and she opened her eyes, sitting up. She wasn't surprised to see Jane sitting across from her, a book in Norwegian spread across her lap. 

“I'm never going to forgive you,” Darcy mumbled, and Jane's eyes snapped up to her. 

“Darce! Oh my gosh, are you okay? Do you need anything?” 

Yes. Oh hell yes, she needed a lot of things. A flipping reality check. A long shower. Lunch, full of grease and a large Dr. Pepper on the rocks. An extravagant bonus. But mostly, she just wanted...to be near Loki again. She felt that there'd been a shift in their relationship. For instance, now she felt they actually _had_ one. Maybe she was just that utterly annoying girl in Jane's lab, but that was better than nothing. She'd take it. 

Darcy couldn't explain it, but she'd never felt so, well, _calm._ Her days here were always hurried and sometimes frantic and often she felt like a cord being pulled taut, about to lose her shit and go all Snapped on everyone. But those moments with Loki, she'd felt relaxed and at ease and who ever thought that he, mischief extraordinaire, could make her feel those things? If a hot stone massage and a generous shot of bourbon didn't do the job, she had been sure nothing could. 

There he went again. Completely blowing away her expectations. 

Jane was looking at her expectantly, and Darcy shook her head, trying to clear it. “Um, I'm good. I mean, I'd like to clean up. Then we should probably get to work, huh?” 

“Are you sure you feel up to it? I mean, you had a crazy morning-” 

Darcy shook her head. “I'm totally good! Since I'm here, I'm guessing Loki called you, so you know he took super good care of me.” 

Jane nodded, standing up. “I'm so glad he was there.” 

Darcy nodded fervently and followed Jane into the bathroom. She couldn't help but wonder what the rest of Loki's apartment looked like, and if she'd ever get to see it again. Jane handed her a towel and left her alone, promising to order up some lunch. 

Darcy shut the door, then went to the mirror, taking in her reflection. She was pale and needed a little eyeliner, but otherwise she looked totally normal. 

So why didn't she _feel_ totally normal? 

**oooo**

As Jane had promised, she had lunch delivered and Darcy had devoured her bacon burger (Thor himself had eaten three of them), happily slurping her large Dr. Pepper as they entered the lab. Loki was already there, a thick red book open in front of him. He saw them coming and stood, holding his hand out expectantly when Darcy came through the doors. 

She did her best to suppress a smile (and failed miserably, something she hoped Jane didn't notice) as Loki took her wrist in both his hands, taking off the gauze and examining the cut. Jane had given it a look over, of course, and deemed Loki's work top-notch, though she insisted that Darcy head up to the medical wing for a tetanus shot. Darcy had blatantly refused- she fucking _hated_ needles and one panic attack was plenty for today, thanks. 

“As I said, non life-threatening.” Loki had fresh gauze on the desk and tied a new bandage for her. Though she was prepared for the moment his fingers left her skin, it seemed to be an even greater loss than the first time. 

“Totally life threatening. I'm lucky to even be walking.” Darcy said, and Loki raised an eyebrow incredulously at her. 

“Ape though you are, I think you've escaped the worst of it.” 

“Hey!” Darcy laughed, shoving him in the arm. She could tell that Loki wanted to laugh too, even though he didn't. Maybe it was too soon, maybe their...friendship? was too new. Or maybe he didn't want to laugh in front of Jane. Darcy made it, right then and there, her personal and uber important goal to get Loki to laugh. A real gut busting laugh, not one of those arrogant chuckles he gave every now and then. 

“To be on the safe side, perhaps you had better see to a tetanus vaccine. Apes are so terribly fragile, are they not?” 

Darcy caught her jaw from dropping just in time. He cared about whether she got a tetanus shot or not? He actually, genuinely cared? Again, just whoa. Then again, he had brought gauze for her on his own. Who knew he could be so compassionate? Well, she did, actually- she'd witnessed it in the elevator, at the party, when he'd saved her life. And now, here he was again, totally surprising her and obviously Jane, who had eyed the roll of gauze with astonishment. 

“Thank you! See Darce? Told you.” Jane said, smacking Darcy lightly on the head with a manila folder. 

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Maybe later. I'm up to my eyeballs in it here anyway.” Darcy gestured towards the teetering stack of paperwork on her desk that needed to be meticulously inputted and logged and filed away, then sent to the appropriate department heads and other labs throughout SHIELD bases in the entire world. 

“Call it good fortune, then, that I happen to have such a vaccine right here, in my very possession.” From the pocket of his green tunic he pulled out a capped needle and syringe, and a small glass bottle of thick liquid. 

“What the fuck? When did you get that?” Darcy demanded, taking a step back from him and falling into her office chair. They were cornering her! _So_ unfair! And yet this showed her, this was absolute, _absolute goddamn proof_ , that she'd been right. There was a change in their relationship now, and Loki cared about her goddammit! Maybe he'd never get butterflies in his stomach because of her, and maybe he'd never spend vastly inappropriate amounts of time thinking about the color of her eyes, but hell, it was a start. 

“The when is so very unimportant, Darcy. The how, well, now _that_ is a tale.” He said in a low voice, as Jane wandered out of earshot. He had lowered himself into the chair beside her.

Oh, her curiosity was definitely perked now, and Loki, a satisfied look on his face, knew it. “Well even if you have it, it doesn't matter. Jane isn't a real doctor, and unless you've been taking night nursing classes on the sly, you can't legally administer that either, and I sure as hell am _not_ sticking myself with it. So, it's moot and everything. Let's just all get back to work now, nothing to see here people!” Darcy went to wheel herself away from him, but he caught the foot of her chair around his ankle and pulled her back. 

“A needle, Darcy, is not so complex a thing. One simple prick, and it is done with. The build up in your mind of the pain, however, is very complex and very problematic.” 

“Dude, it SO is about the pain! That fucking hurts!” She was starting to sweat, she could feel it at the small of her back, at her neck. 

“You have felt pain before. You have lived. Why is this any different?” 

Well, now he was just being a pain in the ass. How could she even begin to explain very human fears to a veritable god? Loki knew fear on a galaxy-sized scale, not a pathetic little human one. The smell of rubbing alcohol and the dim lighting in a doctor's office were enough to send Darcy into a panic-induced coma, as they would most normal people! Why couldn't he see that?

“Look, it isn't like it's rational-” 

“Ah, that is good,” Loki said, nodding in a clinical way, “accepting that your fear has no basis in logic is the first step to overcome it.” 

“Well who the hell said I wanted to do that? Facing your fears and all, that's for the birds.” Darcy scoffed, and this time she shoved away from Loki with all the force she could muster, sliding across the linoleum floor and back to her desk.

She felt him behind her, then, pressed almost into the backrest of her chair. 

“I can help you,” he said, in a velvety voice that she had _definitely_ never heard before, because if she had, she would've been mush on the floor. “It won't hurt you. _I_ won't hurt you.” Silver tongue infuckingdeed! 

Darcy slowly spun, looking up at him. She wanted to slip her hand into his, to believe that he wasn't just talking about being quick with a needle jab. Instead she kept her hands tightly folded in her lap, but she found herself nodding. She thought it was basically worth whatever horror was sure to come because Loki gave her a smile like he had the night of the cocktail party, and _that_ smile on _those_ lips was worth the panic and the torture. 

“Give me your arm,” he said, in the same sultry voice, and Darcy vaguely thought that she'd sign over her fucking soul if he told her to. Jesus, how many women had he turned into puddles just by _talking_ to them? No wonder he'd been able to manipulate his way into attempted world domination. 

Loki pushed her sleeve up, all the way past her bicep, and uncapped the needle. She winced and squeezed her eyes shut, bracing herself for the pinch and the burn of the liquid in her veins. “Darcy,” he said, and it was like a hot wind over each nerve in her body, making the hair on her arms stand up on end, “look at me.” 

Oh shit, he didn't have to tell her twice! She found his eyes, a fathomless green, pulling her in, forcing her to focus on him and him alone. “You are doing _very_ well.” He murmured, and she felt his fingertips on the inner bend of her elbow, and Christ is was like _heaven_ , and she wanted to look away, tried to, but his eyes kept her attention centered. 

He bent down, his lips near her ear, and when he spoke, his breath hot on her neck, she was surprised she didn't fucking combust right there in the damn spinny chair. “There, now. Good girl.” And then he was gone, his back to her, retreating to the desk he'd been seated at, flipping through some papers. 

Darcy blinked rapidly, looking down- there was a band-aid there, on the crook of her arm, and the empty syringe was on the desk top. Obviously he'd shot her up, but when?! She recalled his earlier words, _the when is so very unimportant, Darcy. The how, well, now that is a tale_.

He was very easily ignoring her now, as though he hadn't just fucking unhinged her, as though he couldn't have made her do whatever the fuck he wanted her to. How unfair was that? Like, could she even begin to describe the magnitude of that injustice? 

She was sure she couldn't form a coherent thought right now, let alone actually engage in a conversation with him that she wouldn't be _utterly_ mortified at later, so instead so tried to ignore him as he was her, and she slipped her earbuds in, turning her iPod to shuffle and finally getting down to the ever-growing stack of paperwork beside her computer. 

Darcy was just sending off a memo to Seoul when Jane came back into the lab, chatting over her shoulder to a woman dressed in an exquisite pinstriped pant suit and heels. Darcy noticed the very expensive looking pearl earrings in her ears, a string of them around her neck and pearl ring on her middle finger. She could be Pepper's sister! Except Pepper was always smiles and kindness, and this woman, while definitely sophisticated and with an air of importance, looked entirely unapproachable. 

Jane stopped to introduce the woman to Darcy, but the woman's gaze was transfixed on Loki, who was reading from the red book again. Darcy took out her earbuds, watching as, after some exchanged words, Loki, Jane and the woman retreated over to one of the worktables on the other end of the room. Jane held out a piece of notebook paper, on which what looked to Darcy to be unintelligible scribbles. The woman made a comment on the page, and Jane shook her head earnestly. 

A moment later, Loki and Jane were in deep discussion, the vein that throbbed in Jane's forehead when she was working visible from across the room. For the first time, as Loki gestured toward another page of his own complicated equations, Darcy wished she spoke physics so she could understand what they were talking about. 

Loki was now furiously scribbling over whatever formula Jane had just written down. Jane threw her hands up, pointing to the door of the lab, where a workman in uniform was carting in a dolly stacked with boxes. Darcy caught the woman's name, Alexa, and while Jane met the workman halfway down the aisle of the room, Loki and Alexa (Darcy thought for a second that the pearl necklace should've come complete with a scarlet A) were in deep discussion. 

Well, it was good that Loki was being more social. If he could behave himself around strangers, that would show Fury that he was progressing and growing and-

_Oh FUCK no._

Alexa had leaned in, touching Loki's am, while tipping her head back in an exuberant laugh. She was _flirting_ with him! Oh what now, anybody off the street could come in and sweet talk this god, this prince? 

Loki said something, and the woman tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, tilting her head to one side. 

Darcy had seen enough. The head tilt, now _that_ was going too far. This woman didn't even know Loki! Didn't even understand him or care about him and until two minutes ago, she'd never even seen him with her own two eyes! 

“Well Alexa, it was just awesome of you to stop by, but as you can see, we're totally swamped around here,” Darcy was across the room, pulling the woman by her elbow before she'd even realized she was standing. 

Alexa sputtered, trying to explain that she was here because she'd been told to be, but Darcy, the stronger of the two women, easily pulled her to the lab doors. “Oh you've been very helpful, but we've taken plenty of your time.” 

“Darcy!” Jane cried, her hands on her hips, but Darcy ignored her. 

“I have to stay!” Alexa said, but Darcy shook her head. “Thanks, but we got it.” Darcy pushed her out the door and locked it after her, so that even when Alexa swiped her badge at the entrance, the door didn't budge. Darcy waved at her, and Alexa finally shrugged and disappeared down the hallway. 

“Uh Darce? We really needed her.” 

Darcy waved her hand dismissively, trying to avoid Loki's intense stare. “For what? We can figure this out.” 

“These are negatively charged proton accelerators from Tony's personal collection. That girl you so rudely pushed out the door was supposed to help us assemble and test them!” 

“What does she have that I don't, hm?” 

“Well, a PhD in quantum astro-engineering, for one-” 

“Trifles.” Darcy cut Jane off, turning her back to the pair before they could see her face burning with embarrassment. What the actual fuck? Where had _that_ come from? Not that she'd be checking any time soon, but getting jealous over some random woman flirting with Loki was probably against protocols of some kind...like, how _not_ to throw yourself at a criminal mastermind! 

Then again, it wasn't really like she considered Loki a criminal. Sure, he was an ass. He'd let himself be lead down a dangerous, dark path that Thor was intent on saving him from. And yet, here he was, working alongside Jane and SHIELD, complying with Thor and Fury's wishes. Reaching out to her, helping her, listening to her. That didn't sound very bad guyish to her. 

“Well there's no way we can do this alone,” Jane said, with another annoyed glance at Darcy, “so I'm going to have to call Tony. Maybe he can walk me through it and we won't have to go through-” Jane paused, squinting, “whatever _that_ was again.” Jane gave Darcy another look, one that simultaneously said she was dead meat and also that they had some serious girl talk to do, then she left the room, her cell phone in her hand. 

Darcy let out the breath she was holding, her stomach twisted in knots now that she and Loki were alone. He was leaning up against the wall, his arms crossed at his chest, and she could feel, more than anything, him giving her that same intense stare. 

She finally sighed and whirled around. “It's rude to stare.” She said pointedly, hoping to god she could keep herself from blushing. This was the most mortifying thing she'd ever done, and that was saying a lot (to put it mildly).

“Not as rude as you were to that poor girl,” Loki pointed out, the smirkiest smirk Darcy had ever seen in her life on his lips. 

“Poor girl my ass. She was being very unprofessional.” 

“Yes, I do know how high a priority professionalism is to you.” He was trying not to laugh, wasn't he?! He was humiliating her further _and_ doing it for shits and giggles! 

“Yeah, well....ugh, whatever.” She was sick and needed help. She couldn't even come up with a decent counter, an insult, a joke, nothing! Jealousy had sapped everything out of her, had driven her completely insane and now she was little more than a bumbling, drooling idiot. There was only one thing for it- she had to get out of dodge, stat. 

She went to her computer where her bag was, and slung it across her chest. She'd feel better after some sleep, and there always was the bottle of chardonnay in the fridge. If ever a girl deserved a bottle of chardonnay, it was her. Fuck this whole day, and fuck it hard. Like, with a cactus. Two of them. 

“Darcy,” Loki called quietly as she started for the door, and she turned back to him, surprised that he'd followed her, and at the sudden change in his tone. He was merely a foot away, now, and she looked up at him expectantly. 

“Humans,” he said, “typical ones,” he quickly amended, “do not interest me.” Darcy's eyes widened in surprise. Was he saying what she thought he was? Was there the slightest possibility that he was hinting something to her?

“So there are some who do?” she asked, readjusting her bag so the strap slid in between in breasts instead of over them. 

He stared at her for a long moment, his eyes dropping down for barely a second, following her motions, before returning to her face. “Some.” He agreed, and then he swept past her, and was gone before she could turn around to watch him go. 

**lyrics used are from Dibbs by Kelsea Ballerini**


	3. Something I Can Never Have

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **I keep worrying I make these chapters too long. I'm so sorry about that.**

__

...you make this all go away... __

Darcy never thought she'd _look forward_ to going to work. Oh sure, there was a lot she liked about her job, and she could definitely do worse for bosses than Jane. But now, hell. She hadn't stopped thinking about Loki since he'd left the lab yesterday afternoon, and his absence was like an annoying mosquito bite that wouldn't stop itching no matter how much she scratched it.

She knew now that her little crush had progressed into something far beyond that, and she knew that indulging herself would not end well. How could it? Loki wasn't even from earth! Say there was the slightest chance in hell that he even did like her back, how would that begin to work?! She could never take him anywhere, as Fury wouldn't let him leave the damn building. They couldn't even date properly. And her parents? Oh Christ, she could just imagine that phone call! “Oh hey mom, yeah, you know how you keep making me want to punch babies because you won't shut up about my love life? Yeah, despite all my flaws you continuously point out, I actually met someone! Well, remember when New York was leveled because of an alien invasion?” Yeah, right! Okay okay, so that part _would_ be fun, because her mom would probably give actual birth to an actual cow. 

Still, it was so unrealistic that she knew she was getting her hopes up for nothing. Loki was fire, and playing with fire got human girls burned. 

**oooo**

Loki looked forlornly into his wardrobe, wincing as he still felt the tattered remains of his clothes slipping through his fingers into the rubbish bin. Well, it had been his own fault, as they say. He was, indeed, the one who told Thor to hold nothing back on him. 

After leaving the lab yesterday, Loki had felt lighter, dare he say, _happier_ , than he had in so, so very long. When Thor had stopped by to thank him yet again for his kindness to Darcy earlier that day, he had suggested (as he often did), that they have a simple scrimmage. To Thor, that was the ultimate bonding experience, and Loki had to admit that he did rather miss those times. 

So he thought, why not? What harm could it do? It would humor Thor at the very least, and there was still something inside of him, something half buried, that strove to make his brother happy. If that could be achieved by something as silly as an old play duel, well, alright then. 

And _then_ , of course, Thor had thrown his entire self into the match, and though Loki himself had done quite well, his clothes had taken the worst of it. Thor had promised, with a booming laugh and a clap on his back, that he would see to getting Loki new clothing when he next visited Asgard. Which was of course well and good, but until then, he would have to make do with what Fury had provided him. 

He grinned to himself for a moment, wondering just how shocked everyone would be to see him dressed as a mortal man. He did _so_ enjoy making an entrance. 

Loki would have been lying to himself if he would have said that Darcy's reaction was not the one he was most anticipating. 

**oooo**

“Um, wow.” It was all Darcy could say as Loki strolled into the lab, his walk the same self-important one, but he was totally different. 

Well, okay, not _him_ , just his clothes. She had literally stopped in the middle of what she was doing, a stack of papers half way to Jane's in-box, her mouth definitely hanging open. Loki was wearing a pair of immaculately tailored black slacks and a dark gray button up shirt, the sleeves rolled to his elbows. His shoes were also black, a fine leather dress shoe that Darcy was sure cost a couple of thousand, easy. His long hair was as tousled as ever, and though she knew he'd been in regular clothes before, it had been only once or twice and he wore the clothes with as much ease and confidence as any CK model. 

“Is this undiluted adoration I sense?” Loki asked, as he passed Darcy. 

“You wish,” Darcy said, but her voice lacked any real sarcasm, something that of course Loki picked up on immediately. He met her gaze with a pleased one of his own. Darcy opened her mouth to say something else (well, to _try_ to anyway, she was pretty sure Loki had the ability to turn her mind to pudding with no effort whatsoever), but then her phone buzzed, and she picked it up, turning back to her computer to pull up a file that Jane desperately needed. 

When she hung up from her boss lady, Loki had gone into the very back of the lab, his back turned to her. Was it just her, or was there something _very_ self-assured in that back? How was it possible that he could exude so much arrogance with just his body language? He'd give Tony's ego a run for its money! 

“Somebody once told me that staring was rude.” Loki said without even turning around, and Darcy instantly flushed, but she lifted her chin defiantly and stuck her tongue out at him. 

“I saw that.” He was watching her reflection in the glass pane of the cupboard, and Darcy smashed her lips together, trying to suppress a laugh, but failing. 

Loki turned, a smile on face that was becoming less of a rarity and more of an occurrence, and Darcy, once again, could've sworn he was going to laugh- she was actually anticipating what it would sound like- when the door to the lab slammed open, and Thor walked in, his boisterous greeting echoing around them. 

Loki's smile lessened, but Darcy noticed it didn't fade completely away, as it had in the past when Thor was around. Could that be some sort of progress? She was itching to know how these months on earth had started to change Thor and Loki's relationship. Hell, look at how they had changed _theirs_! And a lowly lab assistant was definitely small potatoes compared to Loki's own brother. 

“Darcy, you look well,” Thor said, giving her a chivalrous bow. Darcy loved it when he did that; it always reminded her of the good old days when Jane and Thor had just met and Jane brought out Thor's humility. 

“I'm running at a million percent,” Darcy confirmed, giving him a cheesy thumbs up. 

“Most wonderful to hear. And now if you will excuse us, I must speak brother to brother.” Thor indicated Loki, and Darcy nodded quickly. Hey, far be it from her to get in the way of brother's bonding! 

“I've got some errands to run for Jane anyway.” Darcy said, glancing from Thor to Loki. 

“Mind you avoid the elevators,” Loki said smoothly and Darcy was _this_ close to flipping him the bird, but then she noticed his eyes- they were full of, dare she say, concern? He was totally serious! He wasn't making fun of her, or being sarcastic. He was actually telling her to be careful. She was truly touched. It may have been such a small thing to say, but Loki seemed, somehow, to understand her panic, or at least he took it seriously and didn't try to dismiss it, as her parents always had. 

_Say something Darce, Thor is looking at you like you're sprouting tentacles from your forehead. Say something, dammit!_ “You got it.” She managed to get out, tearing her gaze from Loki's, then hurrying out of the lab before she said something _really_ stupid. 

**oooo**

When Darcy returned to the lab, Thor and Loki were gone, and she was left alone, though she most definitely wouldn't be bored. Jane had been in, and had dropped by a few memos and a stack of phone messages for her to return. 

While slightly disappointed that Loki wasn't back (god, how pathetic was she?!), Darcy got to work, and if anything, was grateful to be buzzing around. It kept her mind off things, and sometimes, even _she_ needed a break from Darcyland.

 

**oooo**

Sure it wasn't exactly heard of. Nobody except Thor went to Loki's apartment looking for a social visit, and more often than not, Jane was with him. So heading alone into the lion's den? Definitely not something that happened regularly. 

Unless, of course, you were Darcy Lewis. Then it was something that just came with the territory, and it was why she was here, knocking on his door in the early evening, hoping he would even answer, let alone let her in. It was pretty pathetic, she had to admit- he'd been tied up with Thor doing God knew what for the last half of their day, and Loki probably hadn't even given her a passing thought. But there was nothing wrong with being friendly, and Darcy was determined to prove that.

“Do we not see enough of each other on a daily basis?” Loki drawled as he opened the door, but Darcy knew from the tone of his voice that he was being sarcastic because that's just how he was. He actually had a fairly friendly look on his face. Well, what passed for friendly with Loki, anyway.

“C'mon, nobody can ever get enough Darcy. Besides, I come bearing gifts.” Darcy held up a plastic bag. 

“Just as well. I seem to have prepared more than enough dinner for myself. It would be a waste to throw the extra out.” 

Darcy's eyes widened. Well now, this was far better than she could've hoped! He was inviting her to eat with him! She was totes counting this a date. Well, semi-date, she amended, as she realized she was not in fact wearing her date boots nor had she even moussed her hair. Still, score one for Darce!

“Do make yourself comfortable.” Loki said, bemused, as Darcy flopped down on the sofa, taking her bag off her shoulder. 

“Don't mind if I do.” She stretched her legs out, the sofa as comfortable as she remembered it being. It was weird, but she already felt at home here, like it was totally normal to come in and hang out. It definitely felt more welcoming than Thor and Jane's apartment, though they both did their best to welcome Darcy into it whenever they could. 

Loki was putting the salt and pepper shakers on the table, and Darcy noticed he already had two places set. 

“Am I interrupting something?” Darcy asked, Alexa's face irrationally flashing through her mind. 

Loki shook his head. “Let us say that I was not surprised to find you at my door.” Well, yeah, she was probably a little predictable. Darcy had a rep for being overly friendly, and it was obvious that she had taken an interest in Loki. Not hard to connect the dots there. But he didn't seem mad about it, or even slightly irritated. She counted this as a win. 

She was about to ask what he was cooking, when something red out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. It was the book Loki had been perusing the last two days in his spare time in the lab, and though she'd never noticed the title of the book, she had wondered a few times what was so fascinating about it. 

Now she saw the black type on the front cover: Understanding and Managing Anxiety. It was a simple line of text, straight forward and self-explanatory, yet Darcy eyed it as though it were a massively complicated paragraph in a language she'd never even heard of, let alone could read. 

“This is the book you were reading in the lab.” Darcy could hardly believe her eyes, because it wasn't possible. It wasn't possible that he was trying to learn about this subject because of _her_ , that he was actually going so far out of his way to help her. Who was she to him? Less than nothing! She may have developed a monumental crush on him that was tipping more to the way of genuine feelings, but it had to be one-sided. In Darcy's mind, there simply was no alternative. 

Loki nodded once. “Yes.” He set down a pitcher of water, then pulled out both their chairs, gesturing for Darcy to sit at the table.

“Since when did you develop such an interest in human psychology?” That had to be it, right? The human mind was like one huge science problem. Loki hated what he didn't understand. That made sense, Darcy got that at least- he and Jane were so much alike in that aspect. 

“Recently, I should think.” 

“Why?” 

Loki narrowed his eyes at her; they were more brilliantly green than she'd ever seen them.

“Do you not know?” 

Oh, she could _assume_. She got on pretty well with men, and she could read them all right, but Loki wasn't a man, was he? He was far from it and she couldn't even begin to unravel what was going on his mind. Did she even want to? What if she was wrong? There was every possibility that Loki really was _just_ interested in the human mind. Even if he looked down on Midgard, he was stuck here for who knew how long. Maybe understanding humans was a hobby he'd taken on to pass the time. But even if that was the case, who was she to complain? 

“Um, anyway, I noticed Tony outfitted your place with some serious juice,” Darcy stood and held out the plastic bag for him to take. Loki scrutinized it, but did not accept it.

“Juice?” 

Darcy nodded, then set the bag on the coffee table. “Surround sound stereo, wireless speakers, the works. And clearly it's never been used. So I brought you some stuff to while away the hours twiddling your thumbs.” 

Loki grinned again, and they both sat at the table. Loki had made a simple dinner; baked pork chops, tossed salad, and garlic bread. It smelled and tasted amazing, and Darcy once again couldn't believe she was getting to see this side of Loki. She doubted even Thor knew his brother could be so down-to-earth (though Darcy would go to her grave swearing Loki was otherwise). 

They ate in companionable silence, which was a new thing for Darcy. She often felt the need to fill any gaps in conversation, always liked to be doing the talking, but here, now, she just felt...relaxed.  
She was rounding on her third piece of garlic bread when she suddenly remembered something she'd wanted to ask him. 

“Okay so I've been dying to know something.” Darcy set down her fork and Loki did the same, resting his chin on his hands, waiting for her to elaborate. “The Bifrost. What's it like to ride it? The way Thor talks about it, it must be like, Formula Rossa times a million.” 

Loki tilted his head in question, and Darcy quickly clarified, “That's a roller coaster. The fastest one in the world. Um, a roller coaster, okay. It's like, okay, like a train? But really fast and gets your blood pumping. You know, adrenaline and all that.” 

He gazed at her thoughtfully. “How sad a race men must be when they cannot provide a woman with a rush of danger through simpler means.” He said, his voice measured. 

Darcy swallowed thickly; he was _totally_ flirting with her, there was no doubt about it! Who knew it could be so thrilling? Loki was one _million_ percent right- human men were a joke in comparison. 

“But to answer your question. It is so second-nature that I am not sure I can paint a proper picture...” 

Loki reached out to her, hesitantly at first as though waiting for her to shrink back away from him, and though Darcy's stomach felt like it would flip out of her body, she leaned into his touch, not remembering _anything_ she'd ever wanted more. Loki's fingertips were on the back of her hand, roaming slowly, _painfully_ slowly, over each knuckle.“Imagine a bright light, not just seen with your eyes, but felt within. To your very,” Loki turned it over, his middle finger now tracing small circles in the center of her palm, “core. It is one with you; or perhaps,” his finger followed the lines of her hand down to her wrist, against her pulse, and she could _feel_ a warmth seeping into her, spread from his touch, a spark of flame inside her blood, “you are one with it.” She licked her lips, trying her best to keep breathing; Loki often made her feel like she was drowning. 

He went to pull away, but she shook her head, pleading. “Please don't. Don't stop.” Because once felt, Loki's touch was addicting and it made her _need_ in a way she'd never felt before, it a way she didn't know was _possible_ before. No wonder human men couldn't hack it for Jane when Thor had left for those years. 

That intense gaze was back, the invasive one where Darcy knew, just fucking knew, meant he could read every single thought she had just by making eye contact with her. It was a perfect moment! One for the fucking record books, she just knew it. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but his words were drowned out by the cheery ringtone of Darcy's phone by the water pitcher. “Fuck no!” Darcy screeched, lunging for it, fully ready to verbally maim whoever dared interrupt this moment (and then physically maim them later). 

“Darcy! Where are you?” Jane hissed, panicked, and Darcy smacked her forehead. “You were supposed to be here twenty minutes ago! Everybody's waiting for you!” 

“Oh shit Jane, I totally forgot!” Darcy looked helplessly towards Loki, as though she were a starving woman and he her feast. She certainly couldn't deny that metaphor! 

“Well get here! We're all waiting on you!” Jane hung up without saying goodbye, a sign that she was definitely ticked. Oh fuck, why now? Why _her_?

“It sounds as though you are desperately needed.” Loki said, and was he annoyed too or did she just want him to be?

“Oh my god, I literally am going to kill Jane and then whoever else is closest.” Darcy said, her heart pounding. She couldn't leave now, not now when Loki was looking at her like he was, talking to her like they were friends and maybe even more. She wanted this, and she wanted it fucking bad. 

“Do keep the violence to a minimum. Blood is so terribly difficult to get out of Midgardian clothing.” 

Darcy pursed her lips, tucking her phone into her back pocket. “No promises. Nope, Jane is getting an earful and she can take science and shove it-” 

“Darcy.” Loki interrupted her tirade of threats, and she saw that he'd stood and crossed the room to the door, holding it open for her, “this need not be a one time occurrence.” 

Darcy slung her bag over her shoulder and failed miserably at suppressing her wide smile. “Are you asking for a rain check?” 

Loki considered her for a moment and she felt as though he were x-raying her, his vivid eyes roving over her as though taking in every minute detail. “That is entirely up to you. However...you know where to find me.” 

Darcy all-but floated out of Loki's apartment, her anger at Jane dissipating as she realized that _holy fuck Loki fucking touched her and said she could come back_.

**oooo**

Darcy swept into the conference room, the glares from Jane, Maria, and Phil not even registering as she took a seat on the end aisle, next to Tony, who promptly held open a bag of Twizzlers to her. She gratefully accepted, bumping shoulders affectionately with him, giving a greeting wave to Rhodey, who sat on Tony's other side. 

“Now that we are all here,” Maria said in a clipped tone, blatantly staring at Darcy, “let's begin. Doctor Foster?” Jane stood and went to the podium, where charts and diagrams had already been taped to a white board behind her. Darcy had begged her boss to try and make the switch to Power Point or some such program for her lectures, but Jane obstinately refused, insisting that the audience was much more engaged when they weren't distracted by screens.

“Technophobe much?” Tony muttered, wincing as Jane smacked the end of her metal pointer on a map. 

Darcy snorted softly. “To the max. Unless she built it herself. And then _I'm_ the one afraid.” She held up her bandaged wrist, and Tony gave a low whistle. 

Darcy nodded solemnly. “No more four AM wake up calls for me, you know what I mean?” 

Tony's eyes bugged, as though he couldn't mentally or physically comprehend being awake at such an hour. “Dedicated worker like you needs a raise. A bonus. Something for a rainy day. Check's in the mail, kid.” 

Darcy shrugged. “Comes with the territory when you work for a psycho. But I am _so_ cashing that, so you've been warned.” 

“Not so fast. Gotta compensate Ms. Hartford for her consultation to the lab yesterday first, which I understand didn't actually go so well. And guess who doesn't come cheap.” Tony gave her a knowing look- well, she supposed _all_ his looks were like that. He was pretty sure he knew everything. 

“Alexa?” Rhodey whispered, ducking his head so Jane, now talking about meteorite dust from Sweden, couldn't see him, “she's pretty top-notch. Why didn't she work out?” 

Tony turned to Darcy, gesturing that she should continue his story. 

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Get real! It's not like you can't afford it. Her attitude like, totally sucked, okay? She was really, really...just, unprofessional, and it's-” Darcy stopped, searching for words, trying to find an explanation in which she _didn't_ come off insane, jealous, and pining for the “bad guy”. Yeah, she was coming up blank. 

“I think that Ms. Lewis is simply saying that Ms. Hartford was more in the way than she should have been. There's sensitive material around. Alien matter, you know. Otherworldly, almost. That needs to be what,” Tony raised his eyebrows at her, “protected?” 

Darcy inwardly groaned. Tony totally knew! He totally knew she was jonesing, majorly, for Loki. Was she that transparent? But Jane hadn't noticed anything. Though of course that wasn't saying much, since Jane had little interest in anything that wasn't Thor, or physics, or Thor, or the latest super telescope, or Thor, or-

Across the room, Nick Fury caught Darcy's eye. Darcy liked him well enough, but he was by far the most intimidating and intense person she'd ever met. She had the crazy thought that he could hear everything Tony had said, but that was impossible. Even Natasha couldn't hear across rooms. Fury may have been the ultimate spy, but he wasn't an enhanced. If Fury even thought there was the slightest chance Darcy had a modicum of interest in Loki he'd yank her out of the lab and definitely fire her. She gave a sharp intake of breath at that thought, her heart beginning to race. 

“So, the field team will consist of myself, Thor, my ever trusty assistant Darcy, and...” Jane was saying, and Darcy stiffened, wondering just where in the hell Jane was dragging them off to now. Not that she usually complained- it was actually one of the main reasons she'd signed up to be Jane's intern in the first place. There was a lot of field research involved, and though most people took Darcy for a high-maintenance city girl, she was at heart actually a lover of all things outdoors. 

Growing up in New Mexico had been beneficial in that sense at least; hiking, boating, camping, ATVs. They were things she had done her whole life, things she loved to do. Though summer in the desert was actual hell on earth, it had its advantages as well. 

Jane had stepped down to polite applause, and Maria once again stood at the podium. “We'll be leaving at 0800 sharp. _Don't_ ,” she looked at Darcy for a brief second, who looked back, unabashed, “be late.” 

They all stood, the room starting to empty, and Tony gallantly gestured for Darcy to exit the aisle first. 

“I'm serious about that check- it's in the mail.” Tony gave her a trademark Stark smile, and then he and Rhodey waved her off. 

Darcy knew she should probably apologize to Jane for being an airhead about forgetting about the meeting and making it start late, but there was the small (which really was so not small) matter of her not actually being sorry. She would've gladly been late a hundred- _a thousand_ times- to these little pow wows if it meant being with Loki like that. Darcy finally understood the phrase “wouldn't miss it for the world”. 

It was very simple. Loki wasn't anything like she thought- like anybody (minus his rather strapping bro) thought. He was a completely different person, and though it could have of course been a farce, been a mask, to get her to trust him, Darcy didn't think so. So what if that was wishful thinking? What good was being human if you couldn't make human mistakes? She had always truly believed that people were, genuinely, good at heart. It'd gotten her burned a few times, but it was an intrinsic part of herself, and one she didn't want to change. If Loki was using her, that was on him. There was every chance she would be betrayed- but there was every chance she wouldn't be, and that thought alone, of what could actually _be_ with Loki, was what quickened her step from the meeting, right back to his apartment.

She stayed at SHIELD because she believed in its message- that using any means to protect lives was the highest priority because life was precious. That included Loki's, and it was time to practice what she preached. She was going out on a limb, a shaky one that could be pulled from under her in a split second, but it was worth the risk.

Loki was worth the risk.

**oooo**

Darcy smelled of crisp apples, and it made Loki's mouth water. He knew it was a mistake to touch her, but she had been _so_ willing, and he could not recall the last time a woman sought his affection. It had been so natural, really, their flow of conversation, Darcy being here in the first place. Of course she would come. Of course she would want to be with him. Of course he would want to be with her. Of course he would reach out to touch her, her porcelain skin torturing and delighting him at the same time. 

What a fool he was! Wanting her attention, wanting to help her, to understand her. This time here had truly and utterly addled his brains, had turned his logic to mush. And yet...his misery, which had seemed so eternal and so deep, did not seem to be as present these days. His relationship with Thor had altered; he sensed, every now and then, that things could be like they used to be, when they were children, before their egos had come between them. 

Then there was Darcy, Darcy who had given him what so few others had; a chance. A chance to shrug off his labels, a chance to be viewed simply as Loki. She befriended him, she smiled at him (and _for_ him, he often felt), she liked him. More than that, if the increase of her pulse and the darkening of her eyes when they were close, as they had been at the table, were any indications. And of course, that display with the woman Stark had sent- truly, Darcy had been adorable, with her flushed cheeks and her over-zealousness to Jane. Loki was sure that a woman had never been jealous over him. On Asgard he was highly regarded because he was, to the general public anyway, Odin's son. Yet he had never been as popular with Thor, and the fairer sex often thought little of him. Not that he had complained too much. Asgard had few women worth his interest, if truth be told. 

Ah, but Midgard...earth...here he had found such a fascinating creature, here was Darcy, a loud, clever girl with a smile to tempt even him. Her buxom figure, her dark lashes, the way she carried herself with such confidence and spoke with such abandon. It was all maddeningly refreshing, and Loki could not have fought his interest in her if he had tried. True, this had all come to fruition because of her innermost fears. Loki had thought several times throughout the past few days that if he had not been trapped in that elevator with her, he may not have seen a whole different side of her, may not have realized just how benignly she thought of him. 

Loki reached into the bag Darcy had left on the coffee table, pulling out the plastic case on top. He opened it, and beside the silver disc was a note with instructions on how to use the equipment to play the CD. 

Though he internally scoffed at the mere implication that he, who had command of magic more powerful than any of these earthlings could even dream up, would need help working a simple machine, he was more or less grateful for Darcy's thoughtfulness (or impudence, he had not quite decided which it was) as he finally hit the play button and the speakers poured out sound. 

It was confusing at first, as he had very little experience with human music. On Asgard music was soul-enchantingly beautiful, instruments woven with magic, the notes and tones perfection. If singing accompanied the music, it was angelic, and there was rarely tragedy in the lyrics. Most often there were songs celebrating great victories. This, however, was music like he had never heard it before. He supposed that was fitting- Darcy was quite unlike anybody he had ever known. 

There was a time when he used to imagine himself in Thor's place- all of Asgard showering him with worship, Odin beaming down at him with such pride. The entire court would be tripping over themselves to catch a glance at him, as he held Mjolnir high, his deep red cloak flapping around his legs. To this day Loki could lose himself in that fantasy...only now, only just now, there was Darcy in the crowd, wearing a pale blue gown the exact color of her eyes, her raven hair held up, her sallow neck tempting him even from where he stood, high on the marble steps of the room. 

_I just want something I can never have_

The man's voice interrupted his utopia, and Loki's stomach felt full of lead as he heard the words, _actually heard them_. 

And this was reality, cold and harsh and so very, very hard, falling around him, on him, crushing him, flaying him. Darcy could never be his! He could never be Thor! He was a Frost Giant, damned to an eternity of carnage, of hatred! Odin would banish him, smite him, without a thought! The throne of Asgard was as far away right now as it would ever be for him. Loki was a burden, was a chess piece, was loathed and feared and an abomination of the truest sense.

He was Loki _Laufeyson_ , and that would never, never change. Power and revelry and advantage, those were for his brother, for Thor bloody Odinson, and that was the natural order of things. 

Loki felt his anger, his repulsion, burst through him as quick as a spark of gunfire, his entire being consumed with the desire to to destroy, to wreck. 

For this was who he was, and this would be as it always had been. Loki was a bringer of destruction, of mayhem, and nobody would want that in a man- whether as their lover or their king. 

The Universe, in all Her karmic glory, would see to it that he would never be one or the other.

**oooo**

Loki's door was unlocked, and after her third knock, Darcy decided barging in would be fine. Loki would just have to forgive her brashness. It wasn't like she was coming in unannounced- okay is was totally like that, but- 

Whoa. Darcy stopped abruptly, the chaos around her almost unthinkable. The furniture looked like it'd been hacked up with an ax, and the slim speakers that lined the walls had to have been slashed at with a butcher knife. The never-been-used flat screen was shattered, and the kitchen table had been upended, the chairs scattered around the floor in completely random positions, as though they'd been chucked and landed where they may. Loki was breathing heavily, his hair a mess of black around his face, the sofa and coffee table a tangle of wood, glass, and microfiber. 

“Jesus Mary and Joseph, what the hell happened here?” Darcy stepped around a chair leg, pulling her coat tighter around her. 

Loki was glaring daggers at her like she'd never seen before- even when he'd first come to the lab, he hadn't been this hostile. Darcy could almost feel his ferocity pressing against her. 

“Dude, seriously...” 

“What are you doing here?” He spat at her, as though she were an amoeba, a low life form who had no business being near him.  
Darcy swallowed thickly, taken aback by his icy tone. “You said I could come back...I thought you wanted me to.” 

“And why would I ever want you to do that?” Loki sneered at her, a cruel smirk etched on his face. 

“Because we're friends. Whether you like it or not. You helped me, remember?” Did she have to point out the red book? She could see it there, under the plastic sack of CDs she'd brought him on the floor. He was the only person here to actually notice and give a damn about her personal demons. Did she have to describe to him what his touch had done to her? Should she remind him that the sparks in the room at dinner had so not been one-sided?

As usual, Darcy's mind was like glass to Loki. “How stupid are you? I am no hero, no knight in shining armor! I do not save girls like you, Darcy Lewis, I _ruin_ them for sport!” 

Darcy refused to back down. This wasn't reality- this was the way Loki saw himself, this was the way Loki had been _taught_ to see himself. Because Odin and the whole of Asgard thought the Frost Giants were nothing more than the dog shit on their boots, and when Loki found out he was one, what else _could_ he think? And Odin knew, all of Loki's life! And yet he still raised his sons to hate what one of them was. Darcy felt her blood boil; Odin was unfit for every title he possessed. If she was this mad at him, she couldn't even imagine Loki's anger- no wonder he'd thrown in with Thanos! Who wouldn't? 

“Do _not_ ,” Loki's voice was brimming with emotion, but she couldn't decide which one. If anything, he just sounded desperate to her, “look at me like that. I will not have your pathetic pity! I am no simpering oaf, here to do your bidding, here to love you! I am no Thor!” He took a menacing step forward, but Darcy knew, just _knew_ that he wouldn't actually hurt her. And even if he did, she didn't care. Not right now. She never was the brightest star in the sky...

“And I'm not Jane!” Darcy screamed back, feeling his heartache as her own. “I don't need a hero, and I sure as hell don't want a Thor! I'm not scared of you.” At her last words, her voice was barely a whisper, but she stared back at Loki, refusing to look away. It was a lie; he terrified her. She knew what he was capable of, that if he wanted, he could probably level this entire building in a matter of seconds. But Loki needed to know that there was somebody he didn't have to hide all of this from, that he could be himself with- all of himself, the ugly parts included. 

“Then you are an even bigger fool then I ever took you for,” he seethed, turning away from her. Darcy shrugged; he was probably right. Smart girls didn't befriend and fall for the bad boy with literal out-of-this-world baggage. 

“We already established I'm not Jane.” Darcy said, and she went into the kitchen, where a decorative vase stood beside the toaster. She held the vase above her head, then hurled it at the floor, the shattering nearly deafening in the silence that followed. 

Loki looked at her, his head slightly tilted, as though she were a maddening puzzle he was trying to figure out. He didn't move, so she took the next breakable thing- the ceramic spoon rest on the glass stove top- and marched over to him, pushing it into his hands. 

“Do it! Break it!” She knew that having an outlet, a physical one, would help. Loki was brilliant, she witnessed that every day in the lab. Yet he couldn't even allow himself to let go, to feel what he wanted, when he wanted. It had all become too much and here they were, in the middle of a friggen hurricane. But if anybody understood that, knew what it meant to let your mind control you, it was Darcy. As Loki had helped her so much lately, she could try to help him. Maybe she would only make things worse, but there was no way in hell she was leaving now. 

“It will not matter.” Loki said in a winded voice, passing the spoon rest from hand to hand. 

“Why not? It'll make you feel better. And it's fun!” Darcy kicked at the shards of vase, hoping that Tony hadn't shelled out too much for it. Oh well. He had the cash to replace it. She just hoped that Maria never found out about it- Darcy was on her shit list already, no need to add _aiding and abetting vandalism and destruction of property_ beside her name. 

Loki let out a long breath, then handed the spoon rest back to Darcy. “You should have left.” 

Darcy shrugged again. “And miss all the fun? No way.” 

Loki rolled his eyes. “Yes, this is a veritable party.” How could Darcy make light of such a situation? What was it about her that managed to diffuse his rage, to remind him of that part of him which was still soft, still hopeful?

“I've been to worse.” 

“Why did you return?” 

“You said I could,” Darcy replied stubbornly. “And I know I may have been taking things too literal, but I dunno, it kind of felt like things were...left in the air.” She searched his face for confirmation or denial.

“You were not thinking of your safety, were you?” Would she never realize the dangers of associating with him? His instability, his malice?

“Should I have been?” 

Loki gestured incredulously around them. “Do you not see what I do? What I _am_?” 

“Well,” Darcy sat down, stretching out on the tattered remains of the sofa, as though enjoying a day at the beach. “You might be powerful and smart and ridiculously good looking, but!” She reached into her bag, pulling out two bottles, “I'm _wine cooler_ than you.” She patted the empty space next to her, and Loki let out a breath, but he stretched his long legs out beside her. Their shoulders were nearly touching, and Darcy thought that if anybody walked in, there would be literally no explanation for the state of the apartment, nor for the contented silence the were in now, as they each sipped out of the bottles. 

“Cheers?” Darcy held up her bottle, and Loki, with a raised eyebrow, clinked his against it. 

“You are so different...” He said, nearly to himself. 

“Compared to...?” Darcy took another long pull off her bottle, _almost_ wanting Jane or Thor to be there, to see this moment- to see Loki casually knocking back a cold one with the super annoying girl from the lab where he was, essentially, held prisoner day after day. Wow, and Darcy thought the Avengers were dysfunctional! 

_Takes one to know one, Darce,_ she thought, waiting for Loki to answer. 

“Everybody else.” 

**song used Something I can Never Have by Nine Inch Nails. As ever, feedback is greatly appreciated.**


	4. Fire and the Flood

_

you're the fire and the flood  
and I'll always feel you in my blood

_

Darcy's alarm jarred her from sleep, from that gloriously warm, fuzzy place where Loki's lips hovered over hers as he bid her goodnight, where his long fingers were at her back, splayed against her skin...

Okay so those _may_ been exaggerations, but that reality of her dreams had been so vivid that she hadn't wanted to wake up. Duty called however, and though she had stayed up late the night before packing for the research trip, (or expedition as Jane liked to call it, though Darcy thought that was a little too Indiana Jones for a scientist who spent most of her time indoors) she felt she should probably try to be a little early to meet up with everyone. Darcy for one did _not_ want to spend the whole time dodging daggers from Maria's glare.

She rolled onto her back to look at the ceiling, a ridiculously goofy (at least she was sure it was) smile on her face as she thought about last night. She and Loki had sat next to each other for at least an hour, saying practically nothing, and yet so much had happened between them. 

Darcy had been sure he would at least hug her when she had to go, dare she even say kiss her? Or maybe she was just desperately hoping for it. Loki had told her as she was leaving that he'd be away from the lab for the rest of the week, so could she please try not to get herself killed in his absence? She had been about to tell him about their two day trip, but thought better of it. It was technically classified information, and though she trusted Loki far more than she trusted 90 percent of SHIELD, Darcy didn't need it getting back to Fury that she'd let loose sensitive info. She was already crazy paranoid with how perceptive he'd looked during the meeting when Tony was spouting off about that woman. 

So Darcy told Loki she'd see him when he got back (and that yeah, _duh_ she wouldn't get herself killed, to which he looked extremely doubtful), and he had nodded slowly, his lips (god they were probably _so_ soft) pursed together in a dissatisfied way. Was he bummed about not being able to see her for that time? Darcy fucking hoped so. She knew that whatever was happening between them wasn't _just_ her. Maybe Loki didn't want her in the way she wanted him, but they seemed to have crossed mountains the last two days. 

It was amazing what could transpire in such a short time. Last week she'd only had the occasional thought about how handsome Loki was, how she wished they could at least be friends. And now...it was safe to say she was falling head over feet for him. Which was, of course, a really bad idea, but it felt so good, and so right. That's what everybody said though, didn't they? But Darcy's right was _more_ right than some people's. Most people's. For one, hello, Darcy fucking Lewis here. She may not have been a super hero or a super spy or a super anything, really, but she was still a pretty big deal in her own mind, and that's what counted. And Loki was a god! Well, she'd never say that to his face (probably), and to her, it was semantics, as Thor had pointed out several times before ( _Aesir, friend Darcy, Aesir_ ) that “god” wasn't exactly true. 

The point was, this wasn't some run of the mill, average Joe off the streets. This was magic and destiny. And if it wasn't those things, dammit, she'd _make_ it those things. 

**oooo**

“I hope you remembered everything on the list, Darce,” Jane said from the back seat, where she sat beside boxes of equipment, tapping a pen on a notepad. 

“Thanks for the confidence, boss.” Darcy replied, staring morosely out the window. Okay so camping was always a good time, and she got to hang out with people she genuinely liked- she'd been pleased to learn that Bruce, Steve, and Sam were accompanying them as well. Between them, Thor, and Jane, it was sure to be a blast. But none of them were Loki, none of them really actually understood her, and what was more, _tried_ to. 

Darcy had thought about telling Jane about the red book, but then she'd have to explain why she was at Loki's place and Jane, scatterbrained though she was, would put two and two together and realize that's why she'd been late to the meeting...it was a lot of explanation and Darcy herself wasn't sure of a lot of it, so how could she tell it somebody else? Though Jane would probably understand best out of anybody this desire, this attachment, to a man from another world. 

Still, she just wasn't ready to shout from the mountaintops what had been going on. It was almost like she and Loki were in a sort of sandbox of safety, and she wanted to stay there. Right now, just now, Loki had yet to reject her, and that in and of itself was something she wanted to keep for herself for the time being.

“I'm sorry,” Jane said, letting out a breath, “I'm just so nervous. I have to prove to these suits that I'm worth my salt.” 

“Oh please! Like there's anybody at that rag tag operation with even a modicum of your brains.” Darcy said, turning in her seat. It was just them in the car, a special model straight from Tony- SHIELD had a whole fleet of them now- smart cars that were controlled by Jarvis, and Darcy personally preferred this over one of the many drivers that always seemed to be at SHIELD'S disposal. It was much safer, in her opinion, and she did promise Loki she'd stay safe...

“Thanks,” Jane said warmly, and Darcy was struck for a moment that even Jane- smarter than anybody in the world, head of the most advanced laboratory _anywhere_ had her self-doubts, had her own very real worries. Whoa. She'd never thought of it before- Jane always seemed so confident! And Loki always seemed so collected, his feathers unruffled. And Steve always seemed so content to be a lone wolf, to keep everybody at arm's length. And what did she always seem like? What were all of them hiding, keeping buried from the world and most importantly, each other? 

“Lewis, you read me?” Sam's voice cackled over the car's speakers, and Darcy gripped the dash, startled. 

“Loud and clear. Jesus, Sam, way to scare me to death.” 

“Jumpy, jumpy,” Sam mumbled, and Darcy could practically hear him roll his eyes, “we'll be arriving in three minutes- Thor and Banner are already at base camp. See you then. Over and out.”

“Yeah yeah, right back atcha.” Darcy said, fiddling with the buttons where, in a regular car, the radio dials would be. She finally found the right one and switched the walkie system off.

“You know, you haven't exactly told me what's up with all of this.” Darcy gestured out the windshield, where they could now see the convoy ahead of them pulling off the dirt road. Their usual small operation had seemed to expand overnight.

Jane narrowed her eyes at Darcy. “Excuse me, I most certainly _did_. The briefing you were late to ringing any bells?”

Darcy winced; now Jane knew she definitely hadn't been paying attention. She'd probably never let her sit next to Tony again. “I mean, I got all that,” Darcy fibbed, “I _meant_ why are so many people here. Usually it's just us, or Erik, maybe Thor or one other supe. But we have the whole damn circus this time. Four Avengers? It's a little much, isn't it?” Natasha, Tony, and Rhodey were guarding the home base, Darcy assumed. Like the President and Vice President, barring a catastrophic global event, Earth's Mightiest Heroes never traveled together. 

Jane bit her lip and Darcy sensed she may have stumbled on something (she'd go over Jane's notes later to catch up on what she'd actually missed about this whole assignment) that wasn't clear even to her. 

“I wondered that too...I mean, Thor yeah, obviously I'm not going to complain about that...and Bruce is pretty helpful, I mean it's so nice to have another serious scientist to bounce ideas off...but Steve and Sam? And Maria Hill? Why is this such a big deal to everybody? There's been atmospheric interference before, and sure this particular weather fluctuation is pretty severe, but again, it's nothing we haven't seen. I think...” Jane dropped her voice, “I think there's something SHIELD isn't telling us.” Jane shrugged and then lapsed into silence, busying herself with one of her many spiral notebooks filled to the brim with calculations, diagrams, and theories. 

Darcy stared out the window as the car slowed, joining the line of other identical vehicles leading the way to a collection of equipment and uniformed agents. Loki had said he'd be out of the lab for a few days...he'd made it sound like he would be working, not just sitting in his apartment twiddling his thumbs. Did his new errand have anything to do with the reason they were here? The reason SHIELD was taking this, whatever the hell it was, so seriously? It was definitely fishy. 

“Holy mother of god!” Their car shook violently, a large dent appearing above them, and Darcy hurriedly slid down on the seat, covering her head though she doubted it would do any good against whatever was above them. 

“Relax Darce,” Jane said, reaching up to slide open the sun roof. Thor dropped down onto the seat, wedged himself in between Jane and the boxes, and immediately pulled Jane to him, kissing her roughly, as though they hadn't seen each other in months. 

“Ugh, get a room. And next time maybe wait for us to get out of the car like a normal person?” Darcy mumbled, pulling herself back up onto her seat, trying to take deep breaths to calm her racing heart. If her time spent around Loki was relaxing, she made up for it out here, in the actual world. She could feel her nerves getting tighter and tighter, wrapped around something stiff and wooden, like violin strings. 

“My apologies, Darcy,” Thor said, once he and Jane had let go of each other. “I am to be sent with the Falcon to do a large perimeter check, and I don't know how long I shall be gone for. I missed Jane, and wanted to see her before I was off.” 

Darcy waved a hand dismissively at Thor then opened her door, hopping out, though the car hadn't stopped completely yet. It was only just inching along to its destination a few feet ahead, and _anything_ was better than being trapped in a tight space with two people who could give any pair of horny teenagers a run for their money. 

There was a band of sweat that had popped up along her back (thanks to big, blond and clueless in there), and looking back at the car, at how small a space it really was, she felt her arms go limp, and she was gasping for air. Darcy crouched on the ground, squeezing her eyes shut as she felt like she was being submerged in ice water. It all flew before her eyes- being trapped in the elevator, the lights cutting out, and with them what felt all the available oxygen, not just in the elevator car, but in the whole goddamn world- metal slicing through her arm, her crying out for help as blood seeped through her sleeve, pushing herself to not pass out- 

“Darcy.” and _there_ was that velvet voice, the one that belonged to the man who been there both of those times, the man who not only helped her _through_ them with no complaint, but had also kept trying to help her _after_ them. Loki actually fucking gave a damn, and though she knew that, before, though it jolted her and surprised her even still, she could, right now in this very second, _feel_ that he truly cared about her. 

“Darcy!” 

Darcy blinked, looking up, Thor and Jane crowded around her. _Just_ Thor and Jane. Definitely no Loki in sight. 

Whoa, where had _that_ come from? She was totally calm, now, her breathing even, her heartbeat normal. Just the thought of Loki's voice had been enough to help her...Loki, who had never ridiculed her, who thought about her well-being, who welcomed her into his life when he welcomed almost no one else. Of course it made sense that it was _his_ voice that soothed her...but it had seemed so real! She'd felt it inside of her, like it was...Darcy squinted, trying to explain it to herself. Flowing inside her, moving through her shoulders, her legs, to the very tips of her fingers...her blood? Darcy turned her hand over, examining her palm, where Loki had last touched her. She had wanted so badly for that to continue...to see where it might go. Still did. That feeling _definitely_ wasn't going away any time soon. 

“You're alright?” Jane asked, her expression full of worry, as Thor pulled Darcy to her feet. 

Darcy nodded, but only so they'd stop looking at her like she was holding a live grenade. She wasn't crazy, okay, she was...totally crazy. One million percent loco, call the 800 number, book the all-inclusive suite at the psych ward complete with straight jacket, padded walls, and finger painting therapy.

But...if she was going to be hearing voices, she was grateful that it was Loki's. And if anything made her certifiable, it was definitely that.

Funny, though. For being insane, Darcy had never felt happier.

**oooo**

Thor left them, and after grabbing their personal bags, Darcy followed Jane around the caravan of trucks and jeeps.

SHIELD did not do anything half ass, Darcy had to give them that much. The base camp Sam had referred to looked more like a military training compound, with neat rows of camo tents, a line of stalls in the middle of them all that were probably showers and bathrooms, and outside the tents was a large fire pit with folding chairs already out around it. 

“Doctor,” Maria Hill called from where a group of agents were setting up a large canopy, and Jane and Darcy hurried over to her. 

“Glad you made it. We're just establishing a mess tent and then we'll get down to business. Lunch will be served in,” Maria gave a quick glance to her watch, “forty-two minutes. Until then, make yourselves comfortable. Your equipment will be unloaded here,” Maria made a sharp gesture behind them at a tan tent with a plastic door, “and your sleeping arrangements are there,” another wave to the two camo tents directly next to the tan one. With a curt nod she was gone, somebody calling for her attention. 

Darcy and Jane exchanged a glance, then heaved their duffle bags over their shoulders and made their way towards the tents. Darcy figured Jane and Thor would share one, and she would get the other to herself. She was right; when Jane unzipped the flap of the first tent they came to, Thor's red cloak, a spare pair of boots, and his favorite pillow from their apartment was already inside. 

Darcy went to the next tent, which was empty except for an army cot and sleeping bag, and tossed her bag on the ground. It was a beautiful Fall day, the kind that usually got her blood running, that made her happy to be alive. Leaves crunched underfoot and the air itself was filled with something you couldn't quite put your finger on, something alive and adventurous. She'd managed through another anxiety attack, if only because of her severe mental instability. Still, if she couldn't be with the particular person she wanted, at least the scenery was bomb. 

“I'm going to go talk to Bruce, can you put this in with all our stuff when they're done?” Jane handed Darcy a backpack, and Darcy nodded, threading her arms through the straps. 

“I'll meet you for lunch, okay?” Jane said, and Darcy could see that she was still worried about her. With good reason, of course, but Darcy didn't want Jane to lose focus on why they were here. While Darcy would stay out here as long as Jane needed her, the sooner they wrapped this us, the sooner she saw Loki again. _Ugh, middle school much?_ Darcy inwardly rolled her eyes. It was the truth, though. She actually had butterflies in her stomach at the thought of seeing Loki again- him towering over her with those damn green eyes, the smirk she couldn't stop thinking about spread on his lips...

“For sure, boss.” Darcy gave her Jane what she hoped was a convincing enough smile. Jane smiled back and nodded, then disappeared between the rows of tents. 

Darcy checked that the equipment tent was still being put up, then headed back to her own, sitting cross-legged on the cot while rifling through Jane's backpack. _Bingo._ As she'd hoped, there was a spiral notebook entitled “Initial Findings, Area 86”. 

On the inside cover Jane had taped a three cutouts of different pictures, one a geological survey map complete with longitude and latitude and the elevation of the highest peak of the mountain and the lowest level of the valley, the next one a copy of weather reports of the average temperatures for the last two weeks, for the last three years. Under that one was an aerial picture, looking down on the valley. Jane had scribbled a few notes in the margin, but nothing ground-breaking. 

_Dr. Banner was leading a botanical survey group, searching for a unique root on the orders of one Helen Cho, to be used in the SHIELD pharmacy for antibiotics for Steven Rogers, as his super-soldier metabolism absorbs modern medicine too quickly for it to be properly effective. Organic substances are found to be more beneficial to him and to other enhanced individuals. Dr. Banner noted obvious gamma radiation traces in the surrounding plants, soil, and water supply_ (well, that accounted for the massive water drums that had taken five supply trucks to haul in, Darcy thought) _, as well as out-of-season temperature fluctuations confined to a one mile north and south radius. SHIELD has named this Area 86. Thor and Tony Stark were summoned for further investigation. Inconclusive results on the origin of the gamma radiation. Subject area is evidently uninhabited, and traces of radiation are not found in soil, plants, animal droppings or water sources outside of Area 86. There are no irregular thermonuclear readings, and an infrared scan of Area 86 and the surrounding ten miles in every direction proved normal. SHIELD archives show no known bases, ally or enemy, in this area or surrounding areas. A Ranger station fifteen miles east of point of origin is the only structure. Ranger station is run off a solar-powered generator. No gas lines, phone lines, water lines, or electric lines have been installed. Alien matter is being considered. Thor will be returning to Asgard briefly following the conclusion of on-site expedition._

Okay, so basically a shit ton of gamma radiation just showed up out of nowhere, happened to be found by Bruce fricken Banner, and what was more, in that small mile strip, the weather was totally freaking the fuck out. And nobody knew why. Darcy felt a glimmer of pride- literally Jane was SHIELD's final hope for answers. As always, Darcy had totally hit the nail on the head- Jane had zero reasons to worry about her place here. 

Darcy read over Jane's last line again. Thor would be going back to Asgard...probably to do some investigating of his own, especially if there was any possibility that whatever was going on, had something to do with- or had come from- another realm. Asgard was the most obvious place to start. But Asgard meant Odin...

Did that mean Thor was taking Loki back home?

**oooo**

It was the smell that brought Darcy out of her reverie, the smell of freshly baked bread and roasted chicken. She stood, stretching, and on her way to the mess tent, where she could see a group congregating, dropped Jane's backpack off, adding it to one of the long tables in the equipment tent. 

“Darcy, this way!” Darcy heard Thor's booming voice calling after her, and she looked across the line of people outside the mess, and saw he was holding up a plate already filled with food, gesturing that she should follow him. 

Darcy gave him a relieved smile- she would not be able to get rid of the gnawing in her stomach if she didn't ask Thor what he intended to do about Loki. It wasn't _actually_ possible that he was going to whisk him away to Asgard, because just no. The Universe couldn't hate her that much. She wasn't perfect, sure, but she wasn't a douchebag (well, at least not all the time), and this would be like, Red Skull-esque Karmic payback. So yeah. Just no. 

“I thought you might be hungry,” Thor lead Darcy over to a collection of picnic tables, where he sat down in front of his own food, three heaping plates filled with chicken salad sandwiches, piles of potato chips, and scoops of coleslaw. There were two frosty bottles of water next to the salt and pepper shakers that had somehow found their way to the middle of nowhere. Fresh-made chicken salad and bread? Kettle cooked chips? Damn. Darcy needed to camp out with SHIELD more often! 

“Starving.” Darcy concurred, pulling her plate towards her. 

“I need to talk to you.” Thor said abruptly, after swallowing a massive bite. 

“What a coinkidink.” Darcy said, raising an eyebrow. “Coincidence.” She explained, confusion all over Thor's face. 

“Ah, yes. Regarding?” 

Darcy shook her head. “You first.” 

“Right. The matter is...” Thor leaned in, though the table nearest them was empty, “I wish to...what was the human phrase? Ask for Jane's hand.” 

Darcy choked on her coleslaw, taking a gulp from one of the water bottles. “Oh my god! That's fantastic!” She pushed her plate out of the way, reaching over the table to throw her arms around Thor. “Congrats, dude! Oh man, Jane is gonna flip!” 

“I forget, is flip a good thing an ill one?” 

“Oh, it's a good thing. A great thing. An amazing thing! So, when are you gonna pop the question?” 

“This is why I needed to speak with you. I...have very little idea of what to do. How does one go about this? Loki made some suggestions-” 

“Whoa, you asked Loki for advice?” This definitely was an interesting turn in events. Maybe that's why Thor had needed him the other day? Fancy that, Thor asking Loki how he should propose to Jane! Earth had done wonders for their relationship...all the more reason Thor should leave Loki exactly where he was. 

Thor nodded. “He said I must have a ring. I asked Stark, and he said, “every girl wants a huge rock on their hand”. I remembered I had a piece of meteorite- I found it in the desert when Jane and I first met, do you remember?” 

Oh she remembered alright! Darcy patted her back pocket affectionately- she never went anywhere off SHIELD property without her trusty taser. 

“I found a tradesman who was able to forge a ring set with the stone. Do you think she will like it?” Thor opened his palm, revealing a small black velvet box. Darcy took it from him and opened it, holding a breath of anticipation. It had a delicate silver band, and the stone was kept in it's purest form- a small glittery chunk that would take Jane's breath away. How could it not? Like Thor, it had come from so far away, traveled so long and endured so much to end up here. 

“The jeweler said he would be able to grind it down with facets, so it resembled a diamond. I thought Jane would like it more this way.” 

Darcy nodded, gently closing the box and handing it back to Thor, her eyes filling with happy tears. “Definitely. She's gonna love it.” God, her two best friends getting married? She was totally calling dibbs on maid of honor. 

“Now, what did you wish to discuss, friend Darcy?” 

Oh, right. Sidetracked much? Well, she couldn't help it. Thor asking Jane to marry him was pretty much the event of the century. The only wedding that would be as anticipated would be if Tony ever got off his ass and popped the question to Pepper. 

“I thought I should just check with you,” Darcy began cautiously, unsure really how to ask when she was dying to. Even more than Jane, Thor would understand her caring about Loki- after all, he'd stuck by his bro even after the shit had hit the fan in New York, and he was still here, still trying to recover that bond they'd once had. 

“Wait,” Thor stopped her, placing a warming hand on her arm, “Before you go on. I must thank you, Darcy. Not only for always being there with Jane, for being a true friend to both her and I, but for being one to Loki. My brother is not an easy person to...appreciate. Yet you do, and I can tell how you have changed him. Almost as I have, thanks to Jane.” 

“Oh, it's not like-” 

“I will be keeping him on Midgard for now, for this very reason,” Thor talked over her, and Darcy could've sworn the damn clouds in the sky cleared, trumpets sounded, and an Autumn breeze swept gently around them, as if in celebration. _Loki was staying_. “Because he has shown that he is, indeed, capable of changing his ways. He is kinder now, less brusque. Less, shall we say, angry. That is a miracle, one I did not believe would ever come to pass.” 

Darcy was about to reply when Jane plopped down next to Thor, who casually took his hand off the table, stowing the ring box in his cloak. Jane gave him a quick kiss, then flashed Darcy an amused frown. 

“Thanks for meeting me Darce. They were almost out of cookies by the time I gave up on you and got in line.” But she wasn't mad- Jane knew when it came to lunch, hey, every girl for herself. 

Darcy shrugged, reaching over to take a chip off Jane's plate. 

“It is my fault,” Thor said, his arm now around Jane's back, “I was just telling Darcy how grateful I am to her for her interactions with Loki.” 

Jane nodded, lightly smacking the back of Darcy's hand as she now tried to grab her cookie,  
“who would've thought that Loki could change so much? You really proved that.”

Darcy smiled. “Hey, being a spaz for once paid off. Go me!” 

Jane gave her a real frown this time, but before she could say anything, Maria Hill appeared in front of them (out of practically nowhere, like where did Darcy sign up to learn that little trick?) and cleared her throat. “Sorry to interrupt,” she said, passing Jane a clipboard with a checklist attached to it, “they're nearly finished with your...instruments. Can you verify this is everything you need? We'll start running diagnostics immediately.” 

Darcy stood, reaching out for the list. “I can do it. You,” Darcy pointed severely at Jane, “eat. Thor, tie her down if you have to. She didn't have breakfast.” 

“Tattletale!” Jane called after Darcy, who followed Maria away from the table, trying to keep up with her, as Thor admonished Jane on proper and frequent nutrition. Dear Lord were those two meant to be together! Marriage would suit them perfectly.

“Doctor Foster seems to trust you a great deal.” Maria said, and Darcy was too shocked that Maria had even spoken to her to reply. “It's very helpful, to have people like you around. You see things others might not. Hear things they might miss.” Maria's intense stare met Darcy's- was she trying to say something more, or was she simply giving Darcy a compliment?

“Um, thanks. I really do love working with Jane.” What else could she say? It was the truth, though. Even through all the anxiety and shit, she had it pretty good.

Maria nodded, and an agent rushed forward to hold open the flap of the equipment tent for them. “The work in the lab is crucial. We need all of you to keep it up, to keep doing what you're doing. Do you understand?” Maria gave her another long look, and Darcy could've sworn that she wasn't talking about logging Jane's data and keeping her hopped up on caffeine But what else _could_ she mean? She had said, “all of you”. Not, “the two of you”. Not, “just” you, or “just” Jane. Well, the only other person in the lab was, of course, Loki. But how could Maria have any inclination about her friendship with Loki? Nobody had even seen them together! Unless they were being spied on. Although Thor hadn't seen them together, either, and Darcy knew Thor definitely wasn't the peeping type. He'd still drawn his own conclusions, and though Thor was probably the greatest guy around, he wasn't exactly one to get subtlety or implications. 

Darcy's eyes never left Maria's. Whatever Maria knew, Fury knew, and vice verse, which explained a few things. But all she saw in Maria's glance was a positive affirmation that things were going well, and that they should continue to do so. 

“I think so.” Darcy mumbled, and with a curt nod, Maria handed her a pencil, indicating she should begin checking everything out. 

“Excellent. I'll check with HQ and then we'll hopefully get this show on the road.” And as quickly as she'd appeared in front of the picnic table, she left the tent before Darcy could bid her goodbye. 

**oooo**

Loki knocked on the appropriate door, wondering if it was protocol for the Head of SHIELD to have an office on every floor, or if Fury had thrown one together so he would not have to take Loki out of the special security bounds he had set up on these two floors. For surely Loki had never seen Fury coming or going, and though he was not everywhere at once (not without his magic, anyway) as he used to be, he still managed to notice quite a lot.

The door swung open, and Fury, already seated at his desk, gestured for Loki to sit in the empty chair across from him. The room was sterile white, the only furniture the chrome, glass-topped desk and two chairs. This room, Loki noticed, had no windows. Security feature or oversight? It was hard to know with SHIELD. 

“Thor says you're more cooperative now. Nicer. At least, he thinks you've show that the last few days.” Fury said, leaning back in his chair. “I have to wonder why that is.” But his face seemed to tell a different story than his words- he had the look of a man who already knew the answer to whatever question he was asking.

He surely could not be talking about Darcy, yet what else _would_ this man be referring to? Loki narrowed his eyes at him, and Fury stared back, his face a blank slate and though there was a time when Loki would sooner run him through with his long-lost scepter (he was not ruling that feeling out, at least not as of yet, if only he could find the damn thing) than look at him, oh how he would love to dine on the going-ons inside Fury's head. 

“So here's the deal. I have a problem. And you're gonna fix it.” 

**oooo**

Getting the show on the road, as Maria had put it, proved harder than expected, but Darcy was used to technical difficulties at this point in her career. When you made your own equipment and instruments, there wasn't exactly an owner's manual to refer to, no tech support number to call and troubleshoot with. With Bruce's help, and Tony barking suggestions via speaker phone, they were able to have most everything up and running by the time the sun had started to set. 

Jane wanted to keep working with flashlights and kerosene lamps, but Bruce (with Thor heartily agreeing) said they should call it a night and get started bright and early in the morning. So here they were, around the fire pit, finishing off barbecued chicken and cornbread. Maria had disappeared into one of the tents- Darcy swore she never saw her eat, drink, or use the bathroom. Much like Fury himself, she was sure. Thor was doing another perimeter check with Sam, which left Darcy sitting beside Jane and Bruce, which was all well and good until they started chit chatting about Brewster's Law this and Tesla that. 

Scraping the last bit of chicken off her plate and into her mouth, Darcy stood, leaving Jane and Bruce to their gobbledygook. She found the trash and tossed her plate and cutlery, then looked around in search of somebody at least semi-normal to hang out with until either lights out, or Jane needed her again. Judging by the way Jane was showing Bruce her notes and Bruce was taking them very seriously, she'd be off the hook until morning at the very least. 

Spotting Steve finishing up his own dinner, Darcy made her way over to him. He too dumped his plate, saw Darcy coming towards him, and motioned for her to follow him.

“Darcy Lewis. To what do I owe the pleasure?” Steve smiled, the kind that Darcy couldn't help but return, and they walked past the last row of tents, almost outside the camp itself before Darcy replied. 

“Can I ask you something?” Darcy asked, her voice nearly a whisper. They were far enough away from camp that nobody would hear them, but she still wanted to be careful. 

“Before you do, you should know that I'm always honest and, according to Nat, an over-sharer. So beware.” 

Darcy laughed. “I'll tread lightly. I guess I'm just wondering...” Darcy trailed off, not exactly sure how to word what she wanted to ask. 

“Why we haven't gone public?” Steve guessed, his hands in his pockets. Him and Sam hadn't said anything since she'd found out their secret, but then words hadn't been necessary. She was honored that they trusted her enough to keep their romance under wraps. 

Darcy nodded. “Something like that, yeah.” 

Steve considered this for a moment. “I think, for the most part, because we want to stay like this for a while longer. We know we can't hide it forever, and we don't _want_ to by any means. It's just...” 

“You want to stay in the sandbox.” Darcy murmured, and Steve glanced down at her, one eyebrow raised. 

“I'm not sure if-” 

Darcy waved her hand dismissively. “It's a metaphor. You know, safety, security.” 

“Child-like innocence?” Steve added with a chuckle. 

“Well maybe not so much,” Darcy said, thinking of Loki's fingertips on her pulse, on her palm. She shivered, though not from the deepening night. 

“My turn for a question,” Steve said, slipping his jacket off his shoulders and wrapping it around Darcy's. Darcy gave him a grateful smile, tugging the sleeves down so it was tighter, “why do you ask?” 

It may have been a different _kind_ of questioning, not an interrogation exactly, and much more subtle than say, Tony's approach, but Darcy found herself wanting to side-step the question. 

“Um...” She trailed off, but she knew that she could be truthful with Steve- at least about her feelings, if not about who they were regarding. Darcy could pretty much guess how he'd react to anything in regards to Loki. 

“Somebody special, Lewis?” 

“Special is....” 

“Putting it mildly?” 

“Exactly. He's not like _anybody_ I've ever met before.” Darcy nodded fervently. 

“Believe me,” Steve gestured to the sky, where they could see the outline of Sam's wings high above them, circling the camp, “I know what you mean. It's going to be hell to pay when the world knows about Cap and Falcon. But this is who I am- who we are. And we love each other. We'll just have to keep reminding ourselves _that's_ what really matters.” 

And for that second, Darcy knew that somebody, somehow, understood.

**oooo**

Loki was lead by no less than five agents, armed to the tilt, into a large room. Floor-to-ceiling shelves were filled with books, and in the center of the room was a long table. It had a few chairs around it, and upon it was a box of pens and a stack of blank notebooks, just waiting to be filled. There was also a slim silver laptop next to the pens, should Loki wish to use it. He did not. He, like Jane, preferred the old method of using paper; it was easier to catch any mistakes that way. 

As with every room on this side of the building, the far wall was made out of windows, though Loki was sure they could withstand nuclear fallout and not show even a crack. The agents were joined by others, who stationed themselves at exact points in the room. They were more for show, Loki was sure, than anything; if Fury was actually concerned about a security breach, he would have at least one Avenger here, breathing down Loki's neck and doling out bathroom breaks like a trumped-up school teacher. These were probably new recruits, those just itching to don SWAT gear and hold a gun. Whatever Thor had said to Fury had further gained his trust. 

This was little more than an errand to keep him busy, he was sure, but truth be told, Loki was looking forward to it. Whilst this sort of research was not something he was particularly fond of, it would pass the time and perhaps keep his mind from wandering to places it should not be going. 

Though those places were so refreshing, so _new_ , that he did not try nearly as hard as he ought to to keep the thoughts he should not be having at bay. He may not have known much in the way of Midgardian romance (Thor and Jane were not exactly his choice example), but he was not daft enough to think he did not have an effect on Darcy, and he most certainly was affected by her. When, he wondered, did this all begin? When had he started to notice her, more and more? Surely the elevator was their turning point, but he would be a liar if he had said that was the first time he had noticed her. 

He gave his head a small shake, trying to stay focused. Fury had set him to a task, and he was not going to risk further isolation because of petty impudence. 

Isolation from whom, he wondered?

**oooo**

Darcy let out a sigh as she rolled over once again. The tent was too stifling, too closed-off; she needed space, open air. She preferred sleeping under the stars when she was camping, and by the sound of it, nobody else was awake. She pulled her boots on and grabbed her sleeping bag, thinking that the reclining folding chairs around the fire pit would be perfect to lean back in and look up at the sky. 

Darcy unzipped the tent and as quietly as she could made her way to the fire pit. The fire had been extinguished, though there were flood lights at both ends of the camp, and Darcy could see, a few hundred feet away, a pair of agents patrolling. No doubt the supes were off keeping watch as well. But here, it was quiet and dark enough that Darcy could appreciate the night sky above. She loved living in the city, but damn, there was just something about being out here, in the mountains and clean air where the stars looked close enough to touch. 

What would Loki think about this? Would he enjoy it, like she did? It was easy to see him as the sort who would wait until everybody else had gone to bed to come out and truly soak up the sights. It would be easier for him to appreciate something so beautiful if he could do it in his own way, in his own time. Darcy had, at least, learned that much about him in the past few days. While she knew solitude had been forced on Loki, she had decided that sometimes, he really did just like being alone. 

Settling down comfortably with her sleeping bag pulled up around her, Darcy leaned back in the chair and sighed deeply. _This_ was much better. She could breathe out here, she could _feel_ out here. She thought back to what her mom had always said about nature, _it's opener there, in the wide open air_...maybe her mom was batshit crazy where everything else was concerned, both her parents were, but they had at least done her the justice of passing on their love for the outdoors. 

Even if her family was totes off the deep end, Darcy had some pretty awesome people in her life, and she loved them fiercely. But here, under the black velvet sky strewn with opal constellations, with swirling sapphire and ruby planets, out here where the air was chilly and scented with crisp, falling leaves, she didn't think that anybody could genuinely appreciate it like she did. For Darcy, this was religion, was spirituality personified, and usually she wanted to sneak away, to enjoy how peaceful it was by herself, to seep in how _whole_ she felt, standing in the middle of such splendor. Only now, she felt a deep longing to share this state of mind, to have somebody beside her she could lean into, could melt into, somebody who could understand her feelings. 

Jane was interested in nature, of course, but she was always asking a thousand questions that demanded answers and she cared more about how things _worked_ than enjoying them. Thor was too hyper, too busy, to stop and smell the roses, which was just one more reason he was pretty much perfect for Jane. But Loki would love it, Darcy knew, would crave it like she did. He would cherish the sound of wind in the trees and the smell of fading embers and the knowledge that whatever the mystical powers of the Universe really were, well, this is where you could be one with them, here is where that old saying of being made of stardust actually hit fucking home. It really got to her, now, here in the vast night, that she and Loki were both more alike than she really ever knew. 

Darcy took a deep breath, closing her eyes, wishing more than ever that he was beside her.

**oooo**

Thor surveyed the valley below him, wishing he did not always have to answer the call of his duty; he would have much preferred to stay in the make-shift shelter with Jane sleeping peacefully in his arms. Yet he was here for her protection, and see that through he must. Harm would not befall her, nor Darcy, nor all of the work they were currently doing. 

Thor's thoughts drifted, as they usually did in the quiet still of the night. He thought of his brother, of the fact that he was now able to put some trust in him, to have confidence that he was not in fact wreaking havoc at every opportunity. When had that begun to change? It had been some time, now, probably since Loki had been put to use in Jane's lab. Usefulness does wonders for all creatures, as his mother used to say. 

Work was not the only thing Loki had on his mind however, and Thor was not blind. He had watched his brother's interactions with Jane and Darcy particularly closely, mostly out of regard for their safety, yet also out of curiosity. And Loki tolerated them both seemingly well. He had seemed particularly amused by Darcy, though that was not so strange, as Thor had yet to meet anybody who was not. Ah, but then, things had begun to shift. Loki had reached out to Darcy, had aided her, and what was more, kept trying to. Loki had asked Thor for that red book, and though he did not think much of it at the time (Loki often requested books of many varying subjects), now he understood what, exactly, had brought about this transition in Loki's character. 

He himself had first-hand knowledge of how a woman, a particular woman, could change one so. In mere days he had witnessed his brother softening, returning to the Loki that he knew when they were growing boys. There was still that rift, of course, between them, and Thor would spend his days trying to cross it, but there seemed to be more give on Loki's side of it, instead of only take. 

Thus Thor had faith, faith that it was possible for his brother to be saved, faith that his brother _wanted_ to be. And he also had, because of Darcy, hope. Hope that Loki could possibly be happy, hope that he could open his heart to somebody. Hope that Loki could find a love like he had with Jane. 

After all, lesser men than Loki had been saved by lesser women than Darcy. 

 

**lyrics used from Fire and the Flood by Vance Joy. As always, feedback is appreciated. This will be more than my original intended 5 or so chapters. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing...**


	5. Fear and Loathing

**Quite a long chapter! I wanted to include some holiday stuff so I hope it's not too long for your taste. I hope you all have had and continue to have a wonderful Holiday season and a fantastic New Year, whatever you celebrate!**

**Do enjoy.**

_Don't wanna live in fear and loathing  
I wanna feel like I am floating  
Instead of constantly exploding_

On the nights she couldn't sleep, Darcy tried to to picture different scenarios to help her focus on something in particular, instead of letting her thoughts pound over her like over-pressurized shower spray. Sometimes it was what she'd buy on an Ikea shopping spree; others it was where she was going when Tony, out of the goodness of his heart, lent her one of his private jets, complete with personal chef and butler. And there were the very ordinary fantasies, like calorie-free carrot cake (with thick cream cheese frosting like the bakery on Fourth Street made from scratch every morning), or free pizza (unlimited toppings, of course, and stuffed crust was a _must_ ) for life.

Tonight, though, it was much less vague than all that. Tonight, under the glittering midnight sky, she was thinking about Loki. If she lived in even a semi-normal world anymore, proper decorum would dictate a proper date with the proper amenities. _Obviously_ semi-normal wasn't even a pipe dream for her anymore, but hey, the point was a girl could dream.

Darcy could picture it, a restaurant in a luxury high-rise, the food five-star and the champagne costing more than she made in a month. And Loki was smiling at her from across the candle lit table, his smirk alluring and mischievous at the same time. He was dressed- Darcy paused, wondering just what she preferred him in. For he was breathtakingly handsome in full Asgardian wear, or in a finely tailored suit. 

Yes, a fine dining restaurant would suit Loki, she decided. Past villainy aside, he was a born gentleman, definitely somebody who enjoyed the finer things the world- whichever one he was currently on- had to offer. She too enjoyed those rare nights out when somebody else (usually Tony) was treating them all to a nice dinner. Darcy wouldn't call herself a foodie exactly, she ate way too much delivery and TV dinners for that, but she could definitely appreciate a top notch meal.

Though, she could totally imagine them strolling through Central Park, fingers entwined, maybe, if she could locate some gonads and reach out for his hand. They'd stop at a hot dog cart (mustard and relish for her, no condiments for Loki) and find a bench under a tree that still had brilliant red or gold leaves clinging to its branches. Then maybe she'd show him The Met- it was one of her most favorite places in the entire world, a place she could get lost in for hours on end. There was so much to see and to truly _experience_ there, and she had a feeling that even Loki would find it fascinating. Then it'd be a stop at her favorite coffee shop, a place ran by a rowdy family of Italian immigrants who made the absolute best espresso she'd ever had. 

Those thoughts were nice- great, actually- but they weren't exactly scratching her itch. Well, that was obvious. What she really wanted, what would really rock her socks, was Loki here, with her. He'd hold her, her back to his chest, and they'd look up at the sky together. They wouldn't have to say much, if anything, at all. A large part of their relationship, dare she say chemistry, was that so much was understood without a lot of words. 

_”Loki?!”_ Whoa. She was either tripping (now that she thought about it, the barbecue sauce at dinner had been a little _too_ spicy) or her daydreaming game was on point.

Speak of the devil! Holy shit, here he was! Flesh and blood and- what the hell was going on around here? Loki gazed thoughtfully at her, from across the fire pit, where he had seemed to appear out of thin air. “Where is this?” 

Darcy swallowed, not sure if she'd be able to get over her shock and form a coherent sentence.“Area 86. According to SHIELD, anyway.”

Loki frowned. “And _why_ are you in a radiation soaked wasteland?” 

“Wait, you know about Area 86?” 

Loki shrugged. “I have been running here and there, doing Fury's grunt work. He has had me researching gamma radiation, though I do not know why it was not a chore given to one of his many underlings. Are not minions for that very purpose?” 

“I think you're a dream.” Darcy said in disbelief. “And if so, then it's my dream and I can do whatever I want.” 

Loki raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Then dream Darcy and reality Darcy are not terribly different, are they?” 

Darcy mock-glared at him. “And dream Loki and reality Loki are both really annoying. Now get over here.” 

It was him obeying, and almost instantly, that let Darcy know yep, she'd fallen asleep, and hard, too. Not that she was complaining! She stood and motioned for him to sit where she had been, and was awed at how regal he could manage to still look, reclining in a camping chair. She plopped down into his lap, her legs stretched over his, pulling his long arms around her. “There. That's better.” 

Loki let out a low breath of amusement that she felt reverberate through her body. “You say you are dreaming this. Then you must have been thinking of me.” 

Darcy nodded. “Yep. Course, I usually am. Sorry, dream-Loki.” 

“I assure you,” Loki said quietly, and Darcy shivered as his words hit the back of her neck, “your apology is quite unnecessary.” 

“Yeah well it's not really my fault. I'm merely human, after all.” 

“I would not say you are _merely_ anything, Darcy. What were you thinking of, if you do not mind the question?” 

Darcy shrugged. “Taking you to a museum. I mean, it's not _just_ a museum. But it's something I wish I could show you.”

“Ah, well, the last time I ventured to one, it did not go so well for me. Stark still will not shut up about his apparently epic capture.” 

Darcy laughed- only with Loki would she feel like it was okay to laugh about the past. So okay, gouging out somebody's eye and using the scepter as a blunt object wasn't something she should probably be laughing about, but this was her dream, dammit. She'd laugh at whatever she damn well pleased.

“Well there were other things, too. A nice restaurant. On Tony's dime, of course. The least he could do after calling you Reindeer Games.” 

“As if he is one to comment on anybody's choices of armor...” Loki muttered, and she couldn't hold back a grin. Who, she wondered, had the biggest ego? That was probably a question best left unanswered. 

“Or we could go to Central Park. It's actually a really beautiful place. A kind of oasis in the middle of urbania. Plus, can't beat the vendors. Junk food like you don't even have on Asgard.” 

“Are you sure of that?” His tone was teasing; he lifted his hand and she felt his fingers sliding gently through her hair, caressing her locks with the same softness as when he was bandaging her cut, or distracting her to give her a tetanus shot. It seemed so _ordinary_ , him touching her. Like he always had, like it was a matter of course. 

“Loki, I'm not sure of...well, pretty much anything. Except you.” Darcy wondered if she'd ever have the courage to say this to his face, in real life- it couldn't be that far off, really, not with her inability to keep her big fat mouth shut. Her feelings for Loki seemed to be growing by the day. Something about this being a dream, about them being by themselves, out in the open air, made it all too easy to spill her guts to him. 

He heaved a sigh, but said nothing. 

Oh no, her dream Loki would _so_ not be like reality Loki, all cryptic and quiet, never revealing too much, or anything at all. 

“What? What's wrong?” 

“I wonder, are all humans this problematic?” Loki murmured, splaying his hand over hers. 

“Rude much?” Darcy sniffed, elbowing him lightly in the stomach. “Stop being a Debby Downer. My dream, remember?” 

“Of course. Where are my manners.” _There_ was that slightly sarcastic edge that she loved to hate. 

“It's beautiful, right?” Darcy tipped her head back to the sky, and she felt Loki follow suit. 

“Quite.” 

“Where's Asgard? It's gotta be up there somewhere...” 

Her hand still in his, Loki raised them both towards the sky, scanning the millions of stars, searching. “Ah, there, I should think.” He pointed and made a small circle. 

“Do you miss it?” Darcy asked quietly. Thor did; though he considered his home to be anywhere Jane was, she knew that he missed his mom and the palace where he'd grown up. 

Loki sighed again. “Perhaps not as it stands. What I wish will never come to pass, and that makes it easier to leave behind.” 

Darcy nodded. “You miss what you want it to be more than the actual place. I totally get you. I feel the same way about my family.” 

“Do you?” Loki sounded interested. Well who, aside from Jane, had ever cared about her past? Certainly nobody at SHIELD, though Fury probably had an entire file drawer dedicated to her dirty laundry. 

“Yeah, my mom's a psycho, my dad isn't far behind her. They don't get along very well, or even like each other that much. I think they stay married just to drive me batshit crazy and let me tell you, it's working.” 

“Do you think they love you?” Loki asked quietly. Ugh, really? Why was he getting all, introspective? 

“I...yeah. Maybe. Maybe it's like you and Asgard...I think they love the idea of me more than the actual me. They thought I'd go off to college and be some great lawyer, or something as equally shitty, or get hitched and start popping out kids. They nearly disowned me when I majored in Political Science. Dad threatened to cut me off, which shows how delusional he really is because I'd already been killing myself at a dive bar to make ends meet. I stopped depending on them years ago.” 

Gah. Word vomit! She couldn't stop rambling. He was probably so bored. Not to mention thinking she was pathetic. Loki had real family troubles, like, not even Jerry Springer could help _that_ dysfunction. Though Darcy's dad could be an ass, and usually was, he at least hadn't raised her to hate what she was, or hid her true lineage from her. 

“It shows. That you are self-reliant, I mean. It is a rare trait in humans, I have come to find.” Was he complimenting her? Well, now that was more suitable for her dream than chit chatting about her fucked up family. 

“Is it still customary to wish upon a shooting star?” Loki asked after a moment of silence. Darcy looked up just in time to see the white trail of a star disappearing into velvet black. 

“Sure is.”

“Go on, then.” 

Darcy readjusted herself so that she was on her side now, ear pressed against Loki's chest. She could hear the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat, and his nimble fingers were again toying with the tendrils of her hair.

“Well? What shall it be?” 

“I wish...that dreams could come true.” 

**oooo**

Loki blinked up at the ceiling, wondering what sort of lunacy he had wandered into. His dreams of late had not been unpleasant, but they had certainly never been that corporeal. 

The chill of the evening, the heat of Darcy against him, her hand beneath his...surely it had all been a delusional fantasy, driven by his boredom, by her absence. 

And yet...her raven hair, with just a hint of campfire smell to it, had felt like silk running through his fingers. The solidity of it, the _realness_ had been maddening. How desperately he wished it had been true! To hold her, to be the one she thought of, to discover more about her...

He rolled over, now staring out the plate glass wall of his bedroom. It was dark still, the middle of the night, city lights twinkling at him. A sight to be sure, but nothing compared to the gorgeous one he had just left. 

What was he to do? His desires toward Darcy were something he seemed unable to control. It would be better off for her if he could regard her as he did most humans; stupid creatures that were below him, beings that he had no particular care for. 

Darcy, however...Darcy, with fire in her eyes, with an open heart and a quick mind...Darcy, with the capacity to forgive, to see past what others refused to...Darcy, who made him feel worth something, who needed him, wanted him, as nobody and nothing else had ever done before...

He was not lying when he had questioned if most humans were as problematic as her. She was an enigma to him, a strategy game dying to be solved. Loki, of course, was more than willing, provided he had the time here to attempt understanding her. Caring for her was easy, it came naturally, a thing he knew he should oppose, but did not want to. Why should he? Did Darcy not also care for him? He could not be entirely sure, but certainly he had not forced her hand in any of it. She had sought him out several times, and seemed to genuinely like his company. Was he not as deserving of companionship as anybody? He was here, was he not, attempting at atonement, trying to make right with Thor. 

Should he not have some happiness of his own? 

**oooo**

At some point in the night, Darcy jolted herself awake, expecting to find Loki still there, or at least wishing it. He was gone, obviously, as soon as she opened her eyes. Duh. Dream and all. 

She pulled out her cell phone, and seeing that it was only three in the morning, decided to get back to her tent and catch a few hours of sleep before they had to be up and doing whatever it was Jane wanted them to do. 

Sleeping bag trailing behind her, she found her way back to her cot and fell into a doze, wistfully remembering how Loki's arms had felt around her. 

**oooo**

Everyone knew that Darcy wasn't a morning person. An eternal caffeine addict, she was almost unapproachable until she'd had her morning buzz. Whether in the form of a Big Gulp, a tall thermos of coffee, or her personal guilty pleasure, a seasonal latte from Starbucks, those who were around her on a normal basis usually kept their distance until around ten AM. 

But today, Darcy awoke with energy, with purpose, and again with a big, goofy ass smile on her face. It was definitely going to become the norm if she kept having dreams like that.

“Eggs over easy, double bacon, and ketchup on the hash browns.” Jane announced, setting a plate in front of Darcy. They were congregating at the picnic tables, bleary eyed agents and scientists. Maria had announced that they would only have one more night here, so they needed to gather what data they could before heading back to the city. 

Darcy was glad to hear it. She'd been replaying last night over and over in her mind, and every time she relived it, it felt more tangible. It made her giddy and happy, but also made her miss Loki even more. 

“You know me so well.” Darcy lifted a steaming mug towards Jane, who was turning the pages in a notebook while eating a scone and nursing her own coffee. 

“I wish I didn't have a time limit.” Jane said, checking her watch. “I mean, you can't really put a constraint on thorough research, can you?” 

Darcy shrugged; easy for Jane to say, she could spend forever out here, in the middle of nowhere, mobile lab at the ready. In a way, she was jealous of her; Jane had found her passion, her purpose, and she was bloody amazing at it. Would Darcy ever find hers? There had to be something she could rock at, aside from being an all-around amazing person and even more amazing friend. Would she ever find a talent of her own? Did she even have one? 

_Whoa. Too much thinking before protein._ Darcy chided herself, then dug into her breakfast. 

Thor approached the table, arms laden down with plates of food, and Darcy looked up expectantly at him. Jane's left hand was still very much ring-less, meaning the big lug hadn't popped the question yet. She could've surmised as much, as there had been no shrieks of surprise in the night or early morning. Thor looked helplessly back at her. Okay, it was obviously time to step in here. God, would they all just die without her? Probably. 

“Hey, while everybody is...doing whatever it is they do around here, why don't we take a hike? Get a feel for the land?” Darcy suggested. Heading up the mountain would be a perfect opportunity to pop the question. Beautiful surroundings, nobody else around, and she could easily slip off to give her friends some privacy. 

Relief washed over Thor's face as he followed Darcy's train of thought. Oh, they _so_ owed her. 

“That's actually a really good idea,” Jane said, draining her coffee cup. “Could help us get some perspective, you know?” 

Thor sat down beside Jane, and Darcy counted no less than six eggs, four huge pancakes, a plate entirely made up of sausage links and bacon strips, and three large muffins. Well, those kind of muscles did need some fuel, she supposed. She'd never seen Loki eat that much, though he did have a heartier appetite than you'd expect just by looking at him. Just one more surprise about him. You really couldn't judge a book by its cover, could you? 

“Well, shall we?” Jane asked a moment later when Thor and Darcy's plates had been cleared. 

“I'll get some waters,” Darcy said, pushing away from the table. 

“Great, I'll grab Bruce- he'll want to join us.” Jane said and Darcy's face fell. 

“Oh, but don't you think-” Darcy called after her, but she was already gone. “Ugh,” She rolled her eyes, “Jane and her science bros.” 

Thor chuckled. “It is no problem. I can easily sneak off with Jane for a moment alone. She is right, Banner is needed for this research. If it is important to Jane, it is important to me.”

Darcy beamed. “You'll make a great husband, Thor. Are you sure you're ready for this? Won't it mean staying here, like, permanently?” 

“My home is where Jane is. Should she wish to go to Asgard, then we shall. I am content to go, or to stay, where she does. I foresee no changes in our assignments...Jane will always be dedicated to her work, as she should be, and I will always be an Avenger, as I should be. Our lives will not be shifted too much.” 

Darcy could only hope that some day, somehow, she found somebody who was as loving and supportive as Thor. She tried to push Loki's face from her mind, but as had happened recently every time she attempted that, she failed miserably. 

**oooo**

“Damn this is such a pretty place. Can't beat that view, can you?” Darcy looked down on the valley below them, the branches of trees bare. Winter wasn't far off outside of Area 86, which was just a few hundred yards ahead of them. 

“Definitely.” Jane said, checking the map in one of her notebooks. “Well, shall we?” Jane wasn't exactly one to stand in awe of the scenery. Too bad, really, but Darcy supposed it was just one of those things that made Jane, Jane. 

“Um, actually, I'm gonna head back to that stream we passed- get a sample, you know?” Darcy held up her empty water bottle. 

“Good idea. I know Maria said her team was gathering physical data, but I want my own to analyze later.” 

Darcy nodded. “Totally. Bruce, a hand?” Darcy called to Bruce, who was leaning against a tree, also surveying the terrain below. 

“Oh, sure.” 

Darcy looked pointedly at Thor, who took a deep breath. “Let us go on, Jane. They will catch up.” 

When Jane and Thor had disappeared, Darcy let out a breath. “It's about time! God Banner, how clueless _are_ you?!” 

Bruce's eyes were wide. “Wha- what? I'm not sure-” 

“I've been trying to get Thor and Jane alone, but you and Jane don't shut about, science this and science that!” 

“We don't just say “science”, Darcy. And why do they need to be alone? They're-” 

A shriek erupted somewhere ahead of them, and Bruce turned wildly around, but Darcy grabbed his arm before he could run towards it. 

“What are you doing?” Bruce hissed, “I think that was a cry for help!” 

Darcy shook her head. “Nope. That was a “holy shit Thor just asked me to marry him” cry. And about fricken time, too.” 

Comprehension dawned on him. “Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's why...okay.” 

They waited in silence for a few minutes, but when Jane and Thor didn't come back, Darcy's lip curled in disgust. “Ugh, they're literally worse than cheap porn! Does Jane not realize you can get ticks from doing it outside?” 

Bruce swallowed. “Um, maybe we should head in a different direction. I don't...I don't want to be around when Thor...” 

Darcy nodded vigorously. “Let's get these filled,” she pushed a bottle into his hand, “and skedaddle” 

They were halfway up the side of a hill in the opposite direction when they heard a large crack of thunder, and then Thor and Jane appeared in front of them, dropping down from the sky, Thor holding Mjolnir aloft. 

“Let's see it!” Darcy ran to Jane, who held out her hand- the meteorite ring was a perfect fit on her slender finger. “Gorgeous.” Darcy declared. 

Jane gazed down at the ring, a giddy smile on her face. “Isn't it?” 

“Not the jewel befitting you, of course,” Thor, who was shaking hands with Bruce, said, “but a worthy memento nonetheless.” 

“Holy shit,” Darcy said, stepping back to look at Jane. 

“What? What is it?” Jane asked, brow furrowed. 

“Jane, oh my god! You're going to be a fricken princess!” 

“Holy shit,” Jane replied, in awed agreement. 

**oooo**

Bruce and Darcy lead the way, now, as Jane and Thor hung back, murmuring quietly together. Darcy was sure Jane's face had to be killing her, as she hadn't stopped smiling all morning. Thor of course was as happy and blustery as ever, but that was normal for him. Jane was usually reserved and entrenched in her work, but right now, just now, she was only thinking (and rightly so, in Darcy's opinion) about her wedding. 

“Ugh, I shouldn't have worn this,” Darcy said, shedding her jacket. They had crossed over into the weather anomaly and damn it was weird to be feeling the heat of summer again, when she had hoped to leave it behind. She was definitely looking forward to the weeks ahead of colder weather and snow. 

“Yeah, it's-” Bruce stopped, staring at her. 

“What? Am I a sweaty mess or something?” Darcy pulled her hair off her neck, wishing she'd thought to bring a hair tie. 

“Darcy,” Jane's voice had shifted from giggly school girl to serious Doctor Foster. 

“What is up with you two?” Darcy lowered her hands and then she saw it, out of the corner of her eye. 

“Jane,” She said slowly, hoping she was losing her mind, “is my hand blue.” 

“Yes.” 

“Fuck.” 

“Yeah...” 

“What the hell is this?” Darcy's palm was a glowing blue circle. She was trying to keep a cool head about it, but fuck, it wasn't every day your hand glowed fucking blue for no damn reason. 

“I've seen it before,” Bruce said, and Thor nodded. 

“As have I. This is the exact blue of Loki's scepter.” 

“Wow, okay, thanks for clearing that up.” Darcy said testily, as Jane took her hand, squinting at it. 

“But she hasn't been around the scepter, of course. Nobody has- that's the whole point, right? Of us being here?” Bruce said. 

“She has not been around the scepter, but she has been around Loki,” Thor said, tilting his head, as though trying to figure something out. 

“So what, you're saying that Loki messed with me?” Not a chance. She would trust Loki with her life at this point. Probably a really stupid thing to do, yeah, but he'd had so many chances to use her or hurt her, and he hadn't yet. As the old saying went, if he was going to shoot her, he would've done it already.

Thor shook his head. “No, no. But I think this has to do with Loki's magic.”

Darcy worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “Like, he voodoed me up or something?” 

Again, Thor shook his head. “I am supposing it was done by accident. Had Loki imparted his magic on you purposely, it would have been much more obvious and much more powerful. Of that I am certain.” Thor sounded pretty sure, and Darcy had to agree. Loki had kept himself in check where his magic was concerned. 

“If it wasn't on purpose, then-” 

“I think,” Thor squinted at Darcy's hand, and Jane turned it over again, the blue circle now fading slightly, “that Loki was not able to control it. In moments of heightened...emotions, let us say, he is not always able to restrain himself.” 

Well, shit. She knew his self-control was as lacking as hers first-hand. His apartment had been ripped to shreds the night they last saw each other, and though Loki was physically strong, it should've been obvious that he'd used some kind of supernatural power to reach that level of destruction, whether he was aware of it or not. She hoped Fury never found out... 

Thor gave Darcy a long look- he didn't mention out loud that probably for Loki to transfer some of his magic to her, or whatever the hell had happened, he would have had to touch her, but he was connecting the dots. She gave him a look in reply that seemed to say _um, my intentions towards your brother are pure?_ , but she wasn't sure the message was received. 

“The scepter.” Bruce mumbled, and all three of them turned to him. “It's reason I was even brought to SHIELD in the first place.” 

“Yeah, and?” Darcy asked, holding back a roll of her eyes. This was _so_ old news. 

“When we had it on the helicarrier, it reacted to us. It _fed_ off us. It makes sense that Loki handling it, well, like Clint said. Doors open from both sides. The tesseract and the scepter actually weren't, or aren't, so different.” 

Jane was nodding, scribbling notes as fast as she could. “So the scepter put itself into Loki, but Loki also put some of his own magic back into it?” 

“Not purposely, I'm sure. Just like this,” Bruce gestured to Darcy's hand, “it wasn't something Loki knowingly did. The scepter takes things from people. Their heart, their loyalty. The things that matter the most to them.” Darcy followed this easily enough- for Loki that was, or at least at the time had been, his magic.

“Then why am I reacting to this? Unless you're saying the scepter is here,” Darcy turned around, her arms in a wide sweeping gesture, “then what the hell does this even mean?” 

“No, that would be too easy, wouldn't it? The scepter definitely isn't here. But I think it _was_.” Bruce said, and he and Thor glanced at each other. Darcy felt a chill running through her. “It makes sense, actually. It explains why everything is so odd here, why it's all off the charts. You're reacting to the traces of radiation left behind, but only because of Loki's magic.” Bruce turned to to smile at her. “Just think, if you hadn't come along, maybe we would have never fit this piece into the puzzle.” 

“Ah well, everybody has their uses. Not a jigsaw puzzle, though. Too boring.” 

Bruce was nodding like he was agreeing with her, but about more than puzzles just being blasé. “You're right. Puzzles are just kind of there, once they're finished. There's no sense of competition, nothing to conquer. Nothing to take. This is more like,” Bruce spun slowly, drinking in the whole panoramic view below him, “a game of chess. Which makes me wonder,” Bruce glanced at Darcy, then rested his eyes on Thor, but it was Jane who finished his sentence. 

“What piece Darcy is.” 

**oooo**

Bruce had never trusted SHIELD, though he did trust the Avengers. He and Thor were determined to keep those two separate entities. Darcy gathered that a lot of the higher ups in SHIELD thought they had the Avengers at their disposal, which was a pretty dangerous thing to assume. Bruce promised Jane to keep quiet about what they'd discovered, and they all decided that until anything of real use had been found, it should remain between to the four of them, though Thor did say he would have to tell some of it, at least, to Loki. Jane readily concurred. there was no point in keeping him out of the loop, not when he was probably their only key to finding out what was really going on. 

When they hiked back to the camp, it was late afternoon, and Maria pulled Jane into the equipment tent. Darcy put her stuff down, washed up, and went over to the mess tent, busying herself with helping prepare dinner. It would be their last night here, and she couldn't wait to get home. Thor and Sam went off for more perimeter checks, leaving Steve and Bruce to keep an eye on things on the ground. 

While she helped shape meat balls and chop onions and peppers for the spaghetti sauce, Darcy contemplated the fact that Loki had somehow passed his magic onto her. Of course she should have assumed so...she had felt his essence running through her whole body yesterday. It made sense. She wasn't sure how she should feel about it...honestly, she was just grateful that whatever he had done had been so much help to her. 

The rest of the afternoon and evening passed in a haze; all around them cheers erupted when news of Thor and Jane's engagement spread, people eager to join them in celebration. Jane didn't like being the center of attention much, and had seemed happiest when it was just her, Thor, and their truly close friends- Steve, Darcy, Sam, and Bruce, offering their congratulations. 

Tonight, Darcy didn't wander out under the stars- no way was she chancing coming up on Thor and Jane doing god knew what. While Thor's spontaneity was good for Jane, Darcy wondered if he wasn't becoming too much of a bad influence on her. Surely the pre-Thor Jane would never have had so much public sex. 

_Not what you want to be thinking when you're trying to sleep, Darce._ So once again, she closed her eyes to the dark of her tent, pulled the sleeping bag tight around her, and drifted off to a place where it was all green gazes and (only slightly) arrogant smirks.

**oooo**

Maria Hill was, if anything, efficient. She was a hard ass, but Darcy admired that about her. She got shit done, and she got it done right and ahead of schedule. The entire camp was packed and heading out by six the next morning, not a trace of them left behind. 

Darcy slept the whole drive back to the city, and when she was dropped off at her apartment for a quick shower and change of clothes, she skipped through the front door, pecked Esau on the cheek, and hurried upstairs to get ready. 

She stood in front of her closet, unsure of what she ought to wear. True, Loki never seemed to notice her clothes, and she always preferred comfort over appeal. Wearing something fancy would just make her nervous and she really didn't want to make a fool out of herself today. In the end she settled on her favorite pair of black lace up boots, gray leggings, and a long-sleeved purple shirt. 

“Ms. Lewis,” Esua buzzed her through the intercom just as she was grabbing a scarf and her bag, “your car is here.” 

“Be right down.” She responded, and dashed out the door. 

**oooo**

Loki tapped the eraser of the pencil against the yellow notebook paper, his eyes straying, more than once, to the clock above the door. Darcy and Jane were nowhere to be seen, and it was rounding on ten-thirty in the morning. He would expect this from Darcy, certainly, but not Jane. Thor was not around either, though that was not unusual. He was often off on whatever errands the Avengers or Fury saw fit to send him on. 

Of course there was the slight chance that Darcy was where ever Loki had dreamt her- the open country somewhere? Near the mountains? He scoffed at himself. Impossible, improbable, insane. Probably they were in a briefing somewhere, or perhaps they too had been sent off on silly “business” for Fury. 

These were perfectly logical explanations, and his increasing worry was bothersome and unnecessary. Darcy was an adult and it was completely within her right to be as early or late to work as she was inclined to be. 

Still, his shoulders lightened and he could feel himself wanting to smile when he glanced up for the eight thousandth time and saw Darcy and Jane at the doors. He stood, and immediately Darcy's eyes snapped to his. 

“Hey Loki,” Jane said, marching to her desk. “Darce, I've got loads of notes I need to be put into memos. Here's the ones we need sent out to to the other departments,” Jane reached into her bag and pulled out notebook pages stapled together, “I'll make the official one to Nick myself. And then these,” she now handed Darcy two spiral notebooks, “are for my own file. I know it's a lot, but there's no time to waste. Do you think you can have that done by say, lunch?” 

Darcy sighed but nodded. “Hey, as long as you promise it'll be full of trans fats, I can get anything done by lunch.” 

Jane beamed. “Thanks. I'm thinking something breaded and deep fried?” 

“Bingo!” Darcy said, dropping the papers on her own desk. 

“Great. I have a meeting with the department from Argentina in like ten minutes, so I'm out. See ya in a few.” 

Jane scrambled out as quickly as she'd come in, and Darcy spun in her chair to face Loki. 

“So, you look like you've had a super productive morning.” She eyed his empty notepad and the closed book in his hand. 

“Your hair,” Loki frowned, “it smells of...” 

Darcy wasn't surprised that he could smell her from where he was. Thor had increased senses, it seemed, so it made sense that Loki should as well. “Smoke, right? It usually takes a few days to wash the campfire smell out.” Darcy held her bag in her hands, to have something to do with them. She had missed him so much- to her very core. It was all she could do not to rush to him, to press her hands to his firm chest, to feel the melodious heartbeat that had been under her ear two nights ago.

Jesus Christ, she had it _bad_. 

Loki was looking at her now, and she'd never seen that look on his face before- in fact, she would've said it was impossible, but here he was, completely dumbfounded. 

“What, don't they camp on Asgard?” Darcy had often wondered what they did for fun in other realms, and had asked Thor for some details, but the guy was such a happy lug that it was hard to get a typical (if there could be such a thing when talking about other fricken worlds) rundown of things like recreation. To Thor, everything was to be enjoyed. It was something Darcy really liked about him; Jane needed somebody like that in her life.

Loki nodded. “Quite.” 

“Well, lucky me, I got to go camping with Jane, and Thor, and Maria Hill and about fifty other people, out in the middle of basically nowhere.” 

“Sounds thrilling.” 

“Just a perk of the job. And now,” Darcy waved Jane's papers around, “I get to spend the rest of the day trying to read Jane's horrific handwriting because she's obviously from the 1600s and can't dictate her notes into the app I downloaded on her phone like, three years ago.” 

“How lucky she is to have you, then.” Loki said, his lips pulled up in a half-smirk. 

“Oh my god, I know. You all are.” 

Loki said nothing, but he watched her as she spun back to her computer, put in her ear buds, and started to get to work. His mood had exponentially increased with just her presence, with just her being in the same room. 

Energized, he picked up the pencil and began writing down passages from memory, from the books he had been pouring through the past two days. 

**oooo**

Two hours later, declaring to need a break from the world of science lingo and bad cursive, Darcy made them both coffee, though Loki rarely drank it. They were standing at the back, sipping from their mugs in thoughtful silence, when Jane walked in. She motioned for Darcy and Loki to follow her. “It's not deep fried, but Thor's ordered pizza if either of you want any.” 

Darcy nodded vigorously. “I'm going to wither away if I don't get some carbs like, stat. So I'm in.” 

Loki gave both girls a long look, then nodded once. Darcy smiled, and Jane looked taken aback, but she too grinned. “Great. I'll just grab a few things from here and meet you up there.” 

Darcy and Loki walked out the door, side by side, and when they were in the hallway, which was deserted in the lunch-time rush, Darcy grabbed his sleeve. “There's something I have to know. It's really no big deal- okay I mean it is, it's a huge deal, but I don't...” She checked over both their shoulders, and seeming satisfied that they were in fact alone, she pulled him down so she could whisper in his ear. “I don't want you to get in trouble. Did you shoot me up with some of your mojo?” 

Loki pulled away so he could look at her, his expression blatant bewilderment. Darcy rolled her eyes, then held out her palm, hoping he'd take the hint. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she gave a frustrated growl. “The other night, when we were having dinner. And you, you know, touched me?” She held up her palm again, and Loki nodded slowly. Darcy felt like she was trying to explain simple addition to a kindergartner, “did you put some of your magic into me?” 

Loki's eyes widened, and she knew he was, for the first time since she'd met him, completely clueless. 

“I didn't think so,” Darcy didn't know whether to feel relieved or not. So okay, Loki hadn't done anything to her without her permission, but she'd gotten some bit of comfort (however perverted it was) at the idea that Loki had put some of his magic, his essence, as Thor had described it, purposely inside of her. Like, way to skip all three bases! 

“What in Hel's name are you speaking of?” Loki demanded, loathing what he didn't understand. Well, he could just join the club. 

“Guys, wait up!” Jane called from down the hall, and Loki stiffened. Darcy waved her wand dismissively; “Jane's got all the 411. We can talk, but not here, maybe?” 

Loki nodded and Darcy linked her arm through Jane's, following her to the elevator.

**oooo**

Darcy shut the door firmly behind them all. She was unsure where to start, but Loki spoke first.

“Perhaps we ought to discuss what I have been, ah, up to, while you apparently were away. I was put to an errand- a rather droll one, but somewhat enlightening all the same. I have been-” 

“Researching gamma for Fury.” Darcy mumbled, and Loki sharply turned to her, meeting her eyes. She couldn't tell what he was thinking, but he was as shocked as she was that she had the answer. Well, he'd told her himself, hadn't he? Then...he really was with her the other night. However the _fuck_ that was possible, Loki had been there, Loki had held her, had perfectly fucking unhinged her. What in the hell was going on around here?! 

“Yes,” Loki said, and he tore his gaze aware from Darcy to look at Jane. “And while it would seem fascinating, it is quite the opposite. Oh, surely it is amusing to read up on human discovery of these things, of nuclear weapons and the experiments and conclusions of radiation damage and the scrambling for control...however I think I know _why_ Fury, and SHIELD, is so desperate for the information.” 

Jane nodded solemnly. “And more so, why you weren't allowed to come with us. Your...incarceration aside, of course.” 

Loki seemed amused by that, and a half-smile crossed his face. “Yes. They do not want it known that they suspect the scepter is still here.” 

“And they don't want us to know that they're looking for it.” Jane said hotly. “How am I supposed to do my job if they're keeping stuff from me? What, they think _I'm_ a security threat? They practically begged me to take this job!” 

“Probs not you, boss. But Loki and Thor...” Darcy trailed off. 

“Most assuredly you as well,” Loki disagreed, “as you are and Thor are now considered one and the same.” Loki raised a palm towards Jane's ring. 

“So what, I'm the only one who isn't a threat?!” Darcy seemed offended by that. She could be a badass rebel too! 

“No offense Darce, but you have a big mouth. If it weren't for Tony debugging our places, who knows what SHIELD would have on all of us.” Jane was teasing, but Darcy was alarmed to learn that there had been bugs in the first place. In Thor and Jane's apartment? Where they lived and showered and had sex?! SHIELD was seriously sick!

“Loki's too. Tony sweeps them every few days while we're at work. So far it was just the one time, but we can't be too careful. Anyway, let's get on with it. So this thing happened on the mountain back there, in Area 86,” Darcy tuned out as Jane explained everything to Loki- Darcy's reaction, Bruce's initial findings bringing them there in the first place. What if Tony had missed some mics or cameras, and they had picked up Loki's escapade the other night? Surely they hadn't, or else Fury would've had him caged up long before now...

“And we just aren't sure of anything at this point, which is the most frustrating thing of all. Thor and Bruce don't trust SHIELD, and let's face it, if they stole my work once before...” Jane shrugged, as though that settled the matter in her mind. 

Darcy fell onto Jane's sofa, exhausted. Camping took it out of her, but this was more than just physical exhaustion. Jane walked away, into the kitchen, and Loki came over to her, holding his hand out. “May I see?” He asked, and she looked up at him, wondering if, like her, he had thought that night had just been a dream. But if so, he'd dreamed it, too- holding her and looking up at the stars with her, teasing her. That was a good thing, right? 

Darcy wordlessly held out her hand, Loki's nimble fingers turning it over, tracing the same pattern on her palm he had that night that now seemed so long ago. It was all she could do not to let her eyes flutter shut, not to let a satisfied moan escape her lips. She hadn't realized it until now, hadn't really been able to identify it, but Loki's touch was like the cold water over a burn, soothing her, putting an irritation that had been buzzing at the back of her mind to rest. 

“You feel it, do you not?” Loki murmured, in a voice too quiet for Jane, who was in the kitchen getting down plates and cups, to hear. “The _thrill_.” 

Darcy let out the breath she was holding. “Do you?” 

Loki moved to sit next to her. “More than you can possibly know.” He looked to make sure Jane was still busy, then slipped a small black bottle out of his pocket. He pushed it into her hand, his eyes widening slightly when the blue circle that Darcy hadn't stopped thinking about appeared on her palm. 

Pocketing the bottle again, (Darcy didn't even want to know where he got it or what it even was- the less she knew, the less she could implicate herself) Loki turned her hand over, studying the back of it, his index finger gliding smoothly over her knuckles. She didn't say anything, as he seemed to be deep in thought, and truth be told it felt so amazing to have him touching her again, she almost held her breath to keep still. 

“Intriguing to say the least.” He muttered at last. 

“Loki,” Dacy said slowly, looking up into his green eyes, “what does this mean?” 

Loki sighed, curling his fingers over hers, closing their hands over the fading light. “Nothing good, I think.” 

Darcy swallowed thickly, trying to keep her breathing steady. “Should I be scared?” Nobody had told her how she fit into all of this- oh sure, there were speculations, and anyway Darcy wasn't worried about herself- she knew she was low on the totem pole and that it all- the reaction, her being near Area 86 in the first place, etc- was a big coincidence. No, she was truly worried for her friends, for the Avengers, for Jane, for the world as a whole. Fury was often saying that trouble would come around, no matter when or how. It seemed he was right. 

She licked her lips and closed her eyes, letting the solidity of Loki's hand around hers ground her, keep her from slipping into full-blown panic mode. She'd been on the verge of it ever since her hand had gone all Avatar, but she'd managed to push it back, keep it at bay, thus far. She planned on continuing that trend. 

As if knowing her train of thought, Loki's hand tightened around hers. She opened her eyes to find that Loki was looking a her like he never had, and she was pretty sure they'd been through the run of emotions- anger, annoyance, humor, desire, fascination, _intensity_. It took her a moment to place it, but she'd seen Thor look at Jane so many times like that...Loki was staring at her protectively. 

“As of yet, there is nothing to fear. If there were, however, I think you will find you are in precisely the right company to dissuade anything that comes your way.” Was he talking about SHIELD? The Avengers? Himself? She'd take door number three, thanks. 

“Thor said you did this by accident.” 

Loki nodded slowly. 

“There was a moment back there, on the mountain. When I felt you _through_ me. It helped me so much...like you were really there with me.” 

“It...helped you?” Loki asked, his tone disbelieving. Darcy's heart squeezed in her chest; Loki truly had no idea how good he could be. That he was so flabbergasted that he was helping instead of hurting said so much about how he saw himself. 

“Like, a ton. I thought you did it without me knowing.” 

Loki shook his head. “To some I would use it without their consent, true. Mostly for...not so pleasant means. However, you, Darcy...” He lifted a hand, running a lock of her hair through his thumb and index finger, “no, not you. Although for it to have to passed to you, you must have been perceptive to it. You must have wanted it.” The _must have wanted me_ was very much implied in his tone, but he didn't say the words out loud. Maybe he couldn't bring himself to. But why? Was it not crystal fricken clear how she felt about him? She all but handed her heart to him two nights ago, under the stars. But...if Loki saw himself so negatively, it would be almost impossible for him to think anybody would care about him in such an intimate way. Or at least without a lot of convincing. Simply put, he was afraid of rejection. 

Darcy nodded. “Isn't that obvious?” 

Loki tilted his head, his eyes searching hers, like he was trying to find the truth. Well, there it was! She'd never much liked keeping her feelings to herself. Darcy lived life at full force, or at least tried to, and that meant no regrets because she never held anything back. Dammit, he'd never doubt that she liked him, nope, not on her watch.

There was a banging knock at the door, causing Darcy to jump. 

“Get that will ya Darce?” Jane called from the bedroom. “It's the food.” 

Darcy stood, but Loki pulled her back to the couch. “Sit.” He said, and went to the door himself.

Loki brought in the pizza boxes, having slammed the door shut on the pizza delivery boy, and Jane had plates ready for them. Thor showed up a few minutes later, devouring an entire large deep dish meat lovers, washing it down with a liter of root beer. Jane watched him tenderly, and Darcy could only think that damn, that must be true love. Watching Thor stuff his face was enough to make even the strongest of stomachs churn. 

**oooo**

The days and weeks seemed to pass in a blur to Darcy. Jane, and Erik (occasionally with Thor in tow) took off for varying places around the world, the Area 86 puzzle remaining at the forefront of all their minds, but Jane having a lot of other work to attend to. 

As time went on, Darcy began to feel less stressed about it all. With being gone, Jane had entrusted more of the lab's functions to Darcy, so she was as busy as she'd ever been. More time in the lab meant more time with Loki, and she considered this the best perk of her job. 

Here, with usually just the two of them (Bruce and Tony came and went as they pleased, as usual), Darcy felt that Loki was getting more and more comfortable with her. She often went to his apartment after work for dinner, and they always spent their lunch and coffee breaks together. So maybe they weren't dating, officially anyway, but Darcy spent more time with Loki than she did anybody else and she was as content as she could ever remember being. 

It was a bit frustrating, however, as Loki didn't seem inclined to push things along. There were still the long looks, the touches- they'd fallen into a rhythm of light intimacy (Darcy could never bring herself to think of it as “cuddling”- cuddling and Loki just didn't seem to mesh well)- she'd lay her head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped around her, or he'd toy with the ends of her hair while they watched a movie, or talked after work. When she had to leave and head home, he'd brush his knuckles down her jaw, or sweep his thumb across her lips. Electricity spiked through her whenever they were close, whenever he touched her. The blue circle on her hand only showed occasionally, when Loki took out the the small black bottle. He was attempting his own research on the matter, but from his frustrated grunts and large amounts of eye rolling, Darcy gathered he wasn't getting very far. 

Still, Darcy couldn't complain. Her life was as peaceful and happy as she could remember it being, and she woke up one day to find the city outside blanketed in snow, and with a jolt she realized that it was merely a few days before Christmas. Whoa, had that much time really passed?! 

Arriving at the lab, she was dismayed to see she was alone; Loki wasn't there yet, which usually meant he was off doing this that or the other for Fury, and typically she didn't see him on those days. While he was doing better than ever with his manners where the rest of SHIELD and the Avengers were concerned, Darcy had realized that on days when he'd been dealing with them instead of just her, he needed his space and time alone. Damn. And there was the whole trifecta of Christmas movies on TV tonight she'd wanted to show him. How could she call herself a decent person if she didn't make Loki watch Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Story, and Home Alone? She'd just have to find them on DVD. As long as they squeezed them in before New Year's Day, they'd be alright.

Darcy put her stuff down at her desk, then went into to the back to switch on the coffee maker. 

“Oh my god!” Darcy abruptly turned, shielding her eyes. Jane and Thor were there, hidden by the cupboards, and from the looks of it, trying to climb each other. Jane was sitting on the counter, her legs wrapped around Thor's waist. Thor had one hand lost in Jane's hair, the other up her shirt, and Darcy was pretty sure the Chitauri could be attacking again and they wouldn't have noticed a damn thing. As gross as it was to see her best friend's tongue in Thor's mouth, she had to admit it was pretty cute how into each other they were. Yep, they definitely needed to get hitched. 

“Okay, enough! Don't make me get the hose!” Darcy yelled, and both seemed to realize that they weren't alone anymore. 

“Oh my gosh, Darcy!” Jane cried breathlessly, dropping her legs and wiping her mouth. Thor tried to smooth Jane's hair down, and he yanked his hand out from under her shirt. 

“Yeah, hi, welcome back to earth. So for future reference, if you want to bone in here, hang a tie on the door knob A, and B, Clorox wipes are under the sink so please, for the love of god, clean up after yourselves.” 

Thor and Jane glanced at each other. “Our apologies, Darcy. We...were unaware that you would be here this early.” 

Darcy raised an eyebrow. “Early? It's nine-fifteen. I'm actually late, and you two need to get a room. That's not anywhere near me.” 

“I must go,” Thor frowned, helping Jane off the counter, “I have a meeting of sorts. Jane,” Thor raised Jane's hand to his lips. “I shall return as soon as I am able.” Jane nodded, still breathless. Darcy had to admit, she was a bit jealous. If only _her_ Asgardian prince was as touchy feely... 

“Darcy.” He nodded at her and gave her a roguish wink. 

Darcy rolled her eyes, but she was laughing. “Good to see you too, big guy.”

They waited for the coffee in silence, then Jane poured them both a mug, and went over to the window, Darcy following. Snow was falling, and on street posts were wreaths, tied with bells and big red bows. On the sidewalks people were bundled up in boots and heavy coats, carrying shopping bags. 

“Isn't it beautiful? The city at Christmas, with snow...it doesn't get any better, does it?” Jane asked, her smile wide and her eyes bright. Of course, everything was more amazing to Jane now, what with her getting to marry her soul mate and all, but Darcy had to agree with her. Jane went to her desk, Darcy trailing behind her. 

Was Loki watching the snow, she wondered? She assumed that where Thor was going, Loki was there, too.

“What's your favorite thing about this time of year?” Jane asked, taking a pencil from a drawer and jotting something down on a post-it. 

“Hard to pick, I guess.” Darcy murmured, her thoughts still with Loki. There were so many things she wished she could show him! The tree at Rockefeller Center, the caroling troupe of Santa Clauses back in New Mexcio that had once raised ten thousand dollars for a new homeless shelter, a carriage ride through the huge lights display at the city park... she was so bummed that he'd never get to experience those things, that he couldn't be a part of the festivities, of the spirit of the season. Darcy wouldn't call herself religious by any means, but for her, the holidays weren't about that. They were about love and laughter and charity and eggnog (double the booze) and listening to her grandpa complain about how much everybody else in the family complained. 

It was- 

Oh. Oh! 

She knew exactly how to answer Jane's question, and she knew exactly how to have Loki be a part of it. 

Darcy pulled out her phone, grinning ear to ear, almost unable to contain herself as she sent off the text message. A split-second later her phone buzzed, and she opened the reply message, punching her fist in the air in a triumphant gesture. 

**oooo**

A few weeks before, Darcy had indeed gotten the promised check in the mail from Tony. It didn't come alone, though. It was a check for three thousand dollars, a small bonus (as was written on the memo line), and Darcy's mind had immediately gone into overdrive, thinking of all the things she could do with 3k. 

And along with the check was a slim piece of card stock, where Tony had handwritten: 

_1 IOU. You can cash one, not both. Choose well.  
-Anthony Edward Stark _

Darcy was no fool. She wasn't so broke that she would discard a personal favor from Tony flipping Stark for something as common as money. How many people could say they had Iron Man ready and willing to do something for them?! 

So now, Darcy knew exactly what she wanted to use this for, and it was something that really only Tony could have pulled off anyway. Beanie in place, Darcy pulled her gloves on, wrapped her scarf around her neck, and made her way to the roof. 

**oooo**

There was a rapt knock on the door, and Fury turned, obviously annoyed. “Nobody's here.” He replied, wondering what use a guarded door was if the guards weren't doing their damn job. 

“Oh Nick,” Tony flung the door open, shaking his head. “I thought were past all that. We're besties now.” 

“What do you want, Stark.” 

“How much time have you got?” 

“We're in a meeting here,” Nick indicated Thor and Loki, who were both watching their exchange with amusement. 

“Yeah, I see that. Hey, hi. Whatever. Foster sent me and I need-” 

“Jane? Is something the matter?” Thor stood abruptly. 

“No worries, big guy. I'm not here for you. I'm here for the not-as-big-guy.” Tony waved his hand flippantly at Loki. 

“What exactly is the problem?” Nick asked, and Tony shrugged. 

“I didn't ask for details- too boring. Let's go Lokes, time is money.” Tony said, but Loki remained seated. 

“Look I'm not a delivery boy, okay? But Jane and Darcy need your help so here I am. If you want to come great, if not, deal with them.” 

“You had best see to it, brother. I shall finish here with Fury.” Thor urged Loki on. Loki stood, and Tony applauded. 

“It does move! Fantastic. This way.” Tony gestured for Loki to walk out of the room first. 

They silently got on the elevator, and Tony mashed the button for the top floor. Loki looked pointedly at him, wondering what he was doing- his ankle bracelet would not allow the elevator to go higher than the lab and his apartment. 

From his inner jacket pocket, Tony pulled out a small device that looked like the USB cards Darcy and Jane were always using at their computers. Locating the nearly invisible port above the elevator buttons, Tony slipped the device in. “Override security, protocol B.” 

“Access granted, sir.” Loki recognized the voice of JARVIS, and he raised an eyebrow at Tony, who only winked back at him. 

“Show the readout back into the lab.” 

“Done, sir.” 

“Thanks pal. Here we are.” The elevator opened onto the top floor. It was abandoned, the hallway quiet. Tony pushed open a glass door that led onto the outdoor patio. There was a set of stairs leading down to a lower level with benches and a grill, and a set of stairs leading up to the helipad, where two SHIELD helicopters sat idle. 

“You have,” Tony shook his sleeve up, revealing a rather gaudy, diamond encrusted timepiece. “Half an hour. Nothing off the roof, understand, and any damage will come out of your allowance, young man.”

Loki raised an eyebrow, but Tony was all self-assured smirks, his joke amusing to himself. He walked back to the door. “Oh, and Lokes?” Loki could feel an eye twitch beginning to form, but he turned back to Tony anyway. “Duck.” 

**oooo**

He heard the cry first- a sort of war cry, he supposed, but then he should have really known better. If ever there was somebody on this planet capable of such a screech, it was definitely Darcy. 

Then the snowball smacked him upside the head, cold and wet splattering all over him. 

“Batter up!” He whirled around towards her voice, and saw Darcy hunching by a bench, one arm cradling half a dozen snow balls, the other arched, ready for another toss. 

She pelted him with two, one right after the other, the first hitting him in the chest, the second his knee. 

The war cry again. “Strike two! One more and you're out!” 

All the pieces fell into place- Darcy putting Tony up to getting him from his time-out with Fury, Tony disabling the security band for a time, a silly snow fight on the roof. Yes, this was all perfectly Darcy. And once again, here he was, able to bask in her madness. 

“You are dealing with a warrior, Darcy- are you sure you want to bait me?” 

Darcy narrowed her eyes at him, mashed her remaining snowballs into a giant one and lobbed it with all her strength over at him. He stepped back and it hit the ground, breaking around his feet, but her challenge was received. “Bring it, Laufeyson.” She said, then ran, sliding in the snow, towards the trash can, where Loki saw she'd built up another arsenal of snowballs. 

Unable to stop a grin, he ducked down, gathering his own snow in a pile. 

**oooo**

“What?! You're literally in so much denial you should be air dropped into Egypt.” Darcy said incredulously, hands on her hips. 

Loki spread his arms out in front of him, a haughty smirk on his face. “Dearest Darcy, I cannot help it if you are incapable of matching my speed and skill. Such is the fate of all mortals.” 

Darcy tried to glare at him, but she broke out into a chortle. “Yeah yeah whatever. Anyway,” She grabbed his hand and lead him over to a large, flat pile of snow. “It's time for the best part.” She closed her eyes and fell, back first, onto the ground. 

Loki looked down at her as though she'd lost her mind- typically how he looked at her, if she thought about it. 

“Ugh, come on!” She sat up and tugged on his arm. 

“Are you serious?” 

“Deadly.” 

Loki heaved a dramatic sigh, and he too sat, but Darcy shook her head. 

“No no no. You have to fall. Like I did. Arms out, like a T, okay? And then straight back.” 

“Darcy, I-” 

“Quit your bellyaching Loki. It's fun!” 

Another sigh, but Loki did as instructed, and landed with a _thomp_ beside her. 

“And now?” He asked, as though he failed to see the joy in laying in a pile of freezing snow 

“Like this.” Darcy said, and she flung her arms and legs out, moving them slowly. “See?” She stood, showing off her handiwork. “A perfect snow angel.” 

“You are asking me, Loki of Asgard, heir to the throne of not one but two kingdoms, bringer of destruction, destroyer of worlds, to make a snow angel?” 

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Wow, what a mouthful. Now zip it and get with the angel making.” 

Knowing there was no use in arguing, Loki finished and also stood. His angel was slightly messier than Darcy's, a bit awkward, but Darcy beamed at him like he'd just created a true piece of art. 

“Mind-blowing, right?” Darcy said, and Loki looked down at her, her raven hair tangled with snow, her cheeks pink from the cold, her smile so bright. What was it about this girl, about this human, that could drive him to do such things? He, Loki! Loki Laufeyson who created plans of mass conquer in his dreams, who had driven an irrevocable wedge between himself and Odin, who was here, at the mercy of SHIELD and Thor's Avengers.

Mind-blowing indeed, that she should have pushed down his barriers, that she had taken the time and put forth the effort- often at the risk of injury- to get to know him, to try to understand him. She had befriended him, she had shown him affection, had taught him more about earth than Thor ever had. 

“This was my favorite thing, you know.” Darcy's voice was quiet, low with reminiscing, as she gazed at their creations. “We'd go visit my grandma over Christmas- she lived in Wyoming. They always get a butt load of snow, right. Me and my cousins would go nuts, playing outside all day, then we'd come in for dinner, and while the adults got smashed on grandma's eggnog, we'd play Monopoly or Clue or Scattegories, all of which I dominated at, by the way. I think that's what I miss about home. Not where I grew up...that will never be home to me. Grandma's was, though. Christmas at grandma's, playing in the snow, and gorging myself on leftover ham.” 

Darcy's smile was a large as ever as she looked up at Loki. He stared back at her, a hunger in his eyes she knew all too well, having seen it in the mirror many times, usually after she'd gotten home from his place. 

“Merry Christmas, Loki.” Darcy murmured, as Loki wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close to him. 

He lifted her chin with his finger, and Darcy was pretty sure she'd stopped breathing as he leaned closer to her, his lips now only centimeters away- oh Christ, finally, he was going to kiss her, finally she could stop wondering what those lips felt like, what they _tasted_ like...

“Aaand that's a wrap kids. Sorry, but your time is up!” Tony, spectacularly clad in his Iron Man armor, jumped down from the top of the stairs and started clanging towards them. 

Darcy and Loki sprang apart, Darcy rounding angrily on Tony. “It's a damn good thing you're in that thing,” She seethed, stomping past him. At the door she paused, turning back to see that Loki's eyes were still on her. She smiled at him, then disappeared inside. 

“I _am_ glad I'm wearing this. Word of advice, Lewis is prone to violent outbursts. Not good news for the male anatomy. So, you're a thing now?” Tony asked Loki, who ignored him and followed Darcy's footsteps up the stairs and through the door. 

In the elevator he punched the button for his floor, and once it stopped and the doors opened, he removed from the port the card Tony had put in on the way up, then swept to his apartment. His ankle brace acted as his key, and the door swung open. 

He strode to his kitchen, opened his refrigerator, and took stock of its contents as the wheels began to turn in his mind. 

**oooo**

“No, mom, we're not eloping.” Jane looked at the ceiling, hoping the Universe would do her a favor and it would collapse in on her. What was she thinking, even calling her mom to let them know about her and Thor's engagement? The one time they'd met was nothing short of disastrous. As usual, Thor had been ridiculously charming, handsome as hell in his jeans, scuffed leather boots and flannel shirt. Her no-nonsense mother hadn't taken to his boisterous personality, and after a few traded insults about “foreigners”, Jane and Thor had left as quickly as possible. But, well, Thor had been guilt-tripping her for weeks, telling her that her mom had a right to now her daughter was to be married. Jane secretly felt that Thor was transferring some of his guilt onto her; he hadn't asked her mother for her hand as proper decorum dictated. 

Her mom babbled on about guest lists while Jane walked the length of her and Thor's apartment, trying to keep pace with the conversation but really just thinking about what needed to get done on the back of her and Erik's most recent trip.

There was a sharp rapt on the door and Jane, seizing the opportunity, interrupted her mom, who was now on a tangent about rented dresses versus buying your own. “Yeah sounds great mom. Look, I gotta go, I'll call you later. Love you.” Without waiting for her mom to argue, Jane hung up and opened the door, almost dropping her cell in surprise when she saw who it was. 

“Loki? Hi! Is everything okay?” 

Loki nodded, and Jane still hadn't quite adjusted to seeing him wear regular clothes. He did it with as much grace as he could, she had to admit. 

“I was wondering,” He began, a grimace on his face, as though he had no idea how to say what he wanted to, “if you and Thor would, ah, be so good as to join me this evening. I will be cooking.” 

Loki had often eaten with them, Thor making it a point to invite him over all the time. He had not, though, ever returned the invitation. 

“Uh, sure, wow. That'd be great. Can we bring something?” 

Loki, again looking pained, handed her a slip of paper where a list was scrawled. ”If you have in your possession these...any of them, or something similar, will do.” 

“Sure, I'll see what I can scrounge up.” Jane said, trying not to show too much curiosity at the items he needed. 

Loki's lips curled in a disgusted way over the words, but he managed a tight-lipped “Thank you”. She went to close the door, but he added, “and belated congratulations, Jane. You make Thor-” Loki stopped and took a breath, “you make _my brother_ very happy.” And with a single nod he strode away, back to his own apartment. 

It was the first time he'd said it to her, that he'd acknowledged her and Thor's upcoming marriage. Thor had told her that Loki had actually been the one to suggest a ring, in and of itself a massive astonishment. Jane was always sure that Loki despised her. She didn't take it too personally, or at least tried not to, as he seemed to feel that way about most everybody. So this was a huge deal to her, and she felt light-hearted as she dug through the hall closet, searching for the items on Loki's list. 

**oooo**

Darcy had her earbuds in, angry rock music blaring as she slammed her frustrations at Tony out on the keyboard. She was inputting more of Jane's data and notes, and it was getting late, most of the SHIELD employees having left much sooner as Christmas was quickly approaching. On a regular day even, the halls and offices and cubicles were usually cleared out by five, and as it was pushing six thirty, Darcy wasn't surprised to see zero foot traffic out the lab doors. 

Tony was an ass. Yeah, okay, so he'd come through with the IOU, and he hadn't asked any questions, he'd just done what Darcy had asked, helped her work out an elaborate plan that, if it had gone awry, could've gotten her arrested, probably sent to the hole (whatever that really meant), and Loki, well, he could just kiss Midgard goodbye- he'd be on the next Bifrost to Odin before she could say bilgesnipe. 

_But_ how would Tony like it if she interrupted such a goddamn ideal moment for him and Pepper? She'd been dreaming about Loki kissing her since- well, since the night of that cocktail party, so long ago. 

Well, there wasn't anything she could do about it now. She'd gotten what really mattered out of it. She had wanted to give Loki a small getaway, to get him to let loose for a while, to have fun. Darcy couldn't say if he really had, but the complaining had been minimal. She'd discovered that if he didn't harp too much on what he didn't like about a movie or TV show, that meant he'd enjoyed it. Same went for snowball fights and snow angels, it seemed. 

Darcy pushed herself away from the computer, stretching her arms. She needed a coffee refill, and then she'd be able to plow through these last few pages of work before heading home. She took her mug back to the coffee pot and made a mental note to bring more of her vanilla creamer from home. Steaming mug in hand, Darcy dredged her way back to her computer, giving a jolt (and nearly spilling coffee all over the floor) when she saw the hot pink post-it stuck to the middle of her computer monitor. It definitely hadn't been there before. 

_7\. Do be on time._

Okay, then. Maybe not heading home just yet. 

**oooo**

Promptly at seven, and a titch annoyed that Loki would dare insinuate that she was ever anything but on time, she knocked on his door, wondering what, exactly, he would have in store. 

The door opened. “7:02. It shall have to do.” Loki said by way of greeting, letting Darcy step past him. 

“I don't know what you're-” Darcy stopped in her tracks. Loki's apartment was decked out like she'd never seen it before. Around the windows were strings of colored Christmas lights, and in the corner of the room was a six foot artificial evergreen tree, silver and gold ornaments and tinsel glinting at her. Wreaths hung on the walls, and the TV screen was tuned to a screen saver of a cackling fire, giving the whole room a cozy glow. 

“I did not say it earlier,” Loki's voice was almost a whisper, “I thought showing you would be better. It is more tangible this way. Merry Christmas, Darcy.” 

Darcy glanced around, incredulous. Jane and Thor were on the sofa, chuckling together, setting up a Scrabble board. On the end table was a bowl of what she could only assume was eggnog. The kitchen table held a beautifully scored ham, complete with pineapple rings- just like her grandma used to make. Quiet music poured from the surround sound, a soft jazz compilation of Christmas songs. 

“This is _wonderful_ ,” Darcy mumbled, visibly moved. 

“I do not get a lot of shopping opportunities.” Loki said, his trademark smirk on his face. “I wanted to give you some of what you described earlier...some of the home you miss.” 

Oh shit, she was going to cry! How sweet was this? Like, did it get any better? She may have wished earlier that Loki was as forward as Thor, but really, this was exactly what she wanted. Did it matter that Loki wasn't as over the top with the PDA as his bro when he was showing, as he had so much in the recent past, that he actually _listened and understood_ her? Thor was exactly what Jane needed, and Loki was exactly what she herself needed. 

“I am sorry that we do not have, what was it? Monopoly? And of course none of your relations are here.” 

Darcy shook her head vigorously. “This is better. Much. You guys...you guys are my family now.” Darcy grabbed his hand, threading her fingers through his. “Thank you, Loki.” 

“Oh Darce, hey, I didn't know you were-” Jane and Thor finally realized they weren't alone, and Jane looked over at her, her eyes nearly disappearing into her hairline when she saw her and Loki's hands entwined, “-coming.” “Wait a minute,” Jane stood, squinting, something she did when she was trying to work through a problem. She scanned the table- the four places neatly set, the bottle of champagne beside the ham, the game she and Thor had just set up on the coffee table, then Darcy and Loki again. “This...this is a double date!” 

Darcy waited for Loki to vehemently deny it. To toss Jane's comment aside with ridicule and make some deprecating remark about humans. But he just stood there, not confirming or denying. His silence seemed to say it all. 

“This is a most surprising turn of events, brother.” Thor said, though not as shocked as Jane. He had long hoped that Darcy meant something more to Loki than a casual acquaintance, and had, especially since the field research trip, suspected Darcy felt the same.

“Let it never be said that I stopped surprising you.” Loki replied, but there was less sarcasm in his words than usual. 

Darcy pulled Loki towards the coffee table. “Time to get destroyed, bitches! I _own_ at Scrabble.” 

**oooo**

The evening passed as nicely as Darcy- or Loki- could have hoped. They ate dinner, which as delicious as Darcy ever remembered her grandma's cooking to be. Once they'd sufficiently stuffed themselves, they moved over to play several rounds of Scrabble and between the four of them, easily finished off the bowl of eggnog and the bottle of champagne. 

Jane and Thor were getting ready to leave when Thor clasped Loki's shoulder.

“You have changed, Loki. This is what I had been hoping for when I decided against fath- Odin's- orders. You have shown great growth, great transformation. You are my brother once again, and I think it only fair to request from Fury that you stay on Midgard. Permanently.” 

Darcy rushed to Thor, throwing her arms around his middle. He would stay? Loki would stay, as in forever? She could kiss the god in front of her! _Well, better leave that to Jane_ , Darcy released Thor and turned to Loki, clapping excitedly. He regarded her with an unreadable expression. 

“What say you, brother?” Thor pulled Loki's gaze away from Darcy. 

Loki let out a small breath. “It would not be a terrible thing to at least ask, I suppose.” 

Darcy's face lit up, and Loki thought it was almost worth humbling himself before Fury for her to smile like that. 

He was only agreeing to this ridiculous plan for his brother's sake. But if it made Darcy Lewis look at him like he wasn't from the very depths of a nightmare, well, so be it. 

**Lyrics used from Fear and Loathing by Marina and the Diamonds. So, a few things:**

1\. Darcy and Loki haven't discussed the “dream”, because they are both unsure of what it means for their relationship, and what it means period. Basically they're both chicken shit.  
2\. Area 86 will definitely be coming back into play- think of this as the calm before storm. Yay.  
3\. I too am chicken shit because I could never write a decent Jane/Thor proposal. So it kind of had to happen off-screen. Sorry about that.  
4\. I'm shutting up I promise :) I just want to thank all of you for your feedback of this story. I know updates are few and far between, but you really help motivate me and push me to get this fic out into the world instead of just in my head. Heart eyes at each and every one of you. 


	6. Bonus Chapter: Scrabble, aka The Devil's Butthole

**I had several requests for this so I thought, why the hell not. I plan on adding a few other “bonus” chapters to this story, just odd moments between all the characters that I didn't fully explore in the regular updates. If you have a request for a particular moment, let me know! I can't promise that I'll do every one of them, but I will give it my best damn effort.**

**Skipari is, according to Google, a Norse origin word. If it's incorrect in any way, well, blame Google. I myself haven't played Scrabble in about, oh, ten years, so I may be rusty on the rules and game play. Try to enjoy it anyway.**

**This is ridiculous, far too short, an insult to Scrabble, and terribly unfunny. I'm so sorry.**

“You haven’t lived till you’ve played Scrabble in a psych ward.”   
-Artie Lange

Jane was glaring at him over a battered dictionary. Clearly it had been used many times in aid, and judging from the beaten state of the game board and the fading ink of the letter tiles, this thing, this _Scrabble_ , was a favorite of his soon-to-be in-law.

“It's not in here.” She flipped the book around, practically shoving it under his nose. 

“No,” Loki drawled, “I should think not. It is, after all, an Asgardian word.” 

“What?!” Darcy almost choked on her popcorn in indignation. “ _Not_ fair, you can't use words from a place we aren't even in! We're on planet earth, remember?” Her words were starting to slur but she had made her point, dammit.

“Surely it is just-” Thor began, but Loki held up a silencing hand. As if he needed his brute of a brother to defend him against two inebriated Midgardian girls! 

“If you were to play with, perhaps, somebody from China, would you tell them they could not use Chinese words? That seems to be very discriminatory.” Loki said, shaking his head as though he was ashamed of Jane and Darcy's behavior. 

The girls exchanged a glance. “Oh shove it!” Darcy cried, reaching for her nearly-empty glass of eggnog (her third, Loki noted). 

“I concur.” Jane said, her arms folded across her chest. “The fact is, you aren't Chinese, and anyway, if this mystery player could provide a Chinese dictionary then-” 

“Exactly, great point Jane, all the props.” Darcy clutched her glass, heaving herself off the floor and onto one of the armchairs Thor had moved in from his and Jane's apartment for extra seating. Smacking her lips after a long sip, she made herself comfortable, flinging a throw pillow away, where it promptly smacked Loki in the face. Jane grabbed at Darcy's knee, hysterical, struggling for breath. Thor covered a booming laugh with a violent cough. Loki balled his hands into fists, pursing his lips together in an effort against retaliation. A candy cane hurled from the bowl on the end table would serve perfectly to dislodge all of the letter tiles on the board before him, effectively ending the game. Alas, no, this game would end justly, he was determined to see that through. What was the term? Cooler heads would prevail. 

Darcy continued, “Where's the proof, hm? I mean, aren't you the same bafoon that challenged my dactylion? Seriously, like I wouldn't know everything there is to know about the middle finger!” Darcy sloshed eggnog on her shirt and absentmindedly wiped it away, trying to keep her eyes focused on Loki. Shit, she was buzzed. She was in that sweet, fuzzy spot, the liquor coursing warmly through her body, making her feel completely at ease, a smile plastered on her face that wasn't going away any time soon. She still couldn't believe that Loki had thrown all this together, and just for her. Tony may have fucked up their kiss, but this was shaping up to be the best Christmas she could remember, even if Christmas was technically still a few days away. 

Loki narrowed his eyes at her. “Spell bafoon.” 

Darcy opened her mouth, then closed it, opened it again, then shut it firmly. Thor's massive shoulders were shaking, she could see, from the effort not to laugh out loud. Oh, they were both dead, these stupid gods. It was their fault to begin with that she had drunk so much, and anyway she didn't need to prove that she could spell any damn thing that wasn't in the game, and even that was starting to get questionable. 

“Darcy isn't the one under fire here,” Jane said, coming to her rescue. “You are. Since you're on earth, we'll stick to earth words, and- what was it?” Jane tried to focus on Loki's tiles, but her vision was slightly blurring.

Loki gritted his teeth, his lip curling. “Skipari.” Why in Valhalla had he _ever_ thought this was a good idea? The pleasure and fun of the afternoon had clearly turned his judgment to swill. 

“It sounds like really bad sushi or capris you wear skiing which, obvs, makes zero sense.” Darcy said, ignoring the ladle in the glass bowl and dipping her cup directly into the remaining dregs of eggnog. 

“Skiing?” Thor squinted, sounding interested, and Darcy's eyes almost rolled out of her head. Now Thor was picking up Jane's mannerisms? Puke. 

“Ugh, not now, Thor. It's my turn anyway. Sorry Loki, but no dice.” Darcy leaned in closer, making a grab for her tiles, trying to pull together a word. N, G, D, S, L, I, O...shit. She was sure there was a word in there somewhere, and maybe sober Darcy could find it, if only sober Darcy wasn't three, going on four glasses of eggnog and a very generous flute of champagne away. Not to mention that being near Loki for any extended period of time, with his ridiculously alluring smile and charm, was enough to make anybody punch drunk. So if she was going to add it all up, she'd say sober Darcy was actually more like, three going on four glasses of eggnog, a flute of champagne, and two shots- make that double shots, she mused, as the tree lights blinked at her- of tequila away. 

“Any day now Darce,” Jane nudged her, and Darcy struggled for a moment longer before deciding it was hopeless. And when it was hopeless? Well, then you fucking faked it til you made it and went all in. Nothing wrong with a little overconfidence. It had fooled many a professor, and even slid by Jane a few times. Surely she could pull it off for two lugs who had never even played the game before. Piece of cake. Damn cake sounded good. 

Right, the game. Okay. She gave her best, I'm-not-that-drunk grin and carefully placed her tiles down. 

“There we are. D-o-s-l-i-n-g.” 

Loki's jaw actually dropped. Bam! Score one for Darce. She indicated for Thor, who was keeping score, to tally her points. 

“Do you truly expect us to believe that is a real word, let alone the correct spelling of it, if it happens to exist?” 

Darcy's brow furrowed- what? He totes believed her not even one second ago! Hadn't he? Ugh, stupid alcohol... _I take that back. I'm so sorry, alcohol. You complete me. ___

__“It is a real word. In fact, it's quite a common word, of Nicaraguan origins if you must know. We used to toss it around in my Comparative Religions class all the time.”_ _

__So, she'd never taken a Religions class and she certainly was less than savvy about any of the happenings of language in Nicaragua, but it sounded good. At least to her ears._ _

__Thor looked confused, like he wanted to believe her, but couldn't quite make that commitment. Loki just looked plain scandalized, as though Darcy were befouling something sacred._ _

__“She's right,” Jane chimed in, giving Darcy a sly smile. Loki's eyes were nearly slits, now, as he reached for the dictionary._ _

__“Oh you won't find it in here,” Jane said matter-of-factually, clutching the book tight, “this is from 2006. Dosling wasn't added until 2010.”_ _

__Loki and Thor were both glaring at them, Loki disbelieving that Jane, who clearly was a gifted player at this particular game, would lie for Darcy to earn a few points. They were all playing for themselves, so Jane would have nothing to gain. Thor, on the other hand, was becoming more and more alarmed that Jane and Darcy had joined forces and were ganging up on them; there weren't many favorable outcomes when that happened, as he had witnessed too often. Being their victim was not a pleasant experience. Ah well, at least this time he was not alone._ _

__“Search it on your mobile phone, then.” Loki said, indicating Darcy's cell on the table._ _

__Darcy, Jane, and Thor all lunged for it, but Darcy was closer. “Oh shucks, would you look at that?” she batted her lashes innocently at Loki, “battery's dead. Isn't that just rotten luck?”_ _

__“As you so correctly stated before, if you cannot prove the word exists, then you do not gain the points.” Loki smirked in triumph._ _

__“Wrongo bongo, as usual,” Darcy declared, “you couldn't prove it because two of us had never been to Asgard before. You and Thor, obviously, have been to earth. It's not our fault if you dunderheads-”_ _

__“Now now, there is no need for derogatory language...” Thor broke in, but was promptly ignored by all three of them._ _

__“That logic is psychotic.” Loki stated, wondering just when exactly he had lost so much control of his life. Who could have guessed that the time he would have felt the most powerless would not be when he was beaten to a pulp by a mutated monster, nor when a cuff was strapped to his ankle, keeping him chained (with the one exception of the cocktail party that seemed so very long ago, which had been a special favor to Thor on Fury's behalf, an act of goodwill) to SHIELD? Or even when he had dangled from the Bifrost, begging for his father's love and acceptance? No, it was here, with Darcy, whose blood alcohol level could land her not just in a jail cell but most likely, if her pillow flinging was anything to go by, in a padded, police-escorted transport on its way to an institution for the criminally insane. Here, with Darcy and Jane and Thor, playing a ridiculous, utterly stupid game that was designed so the players could not cheat yet Darcy, as audacious as ever, was trying to play he and Thor for the fools they clearly were._ _

__“Okay, pot.” Darcy mumbled, causing Jane to chuckle again. She tipped her cup back, downing the last of her drink. “Look, you lose, Loki. Not only are you out a turn because your word is totally fake, but I just landed on a triple word score as the last turn in our last round. Which makes,” Darcy banged on the coffee table in what was supposed to be a drum roll, “me the winner. So I'm the boss of you,” Darcy shakily stood, attempting a victory dance, pointing at Jane, “I'm the boss of you,” then at Thor, “and I'm _definitely_ the boss of you.” Darcy wobbled over to Loki, narrowly missing the foot of the coffee table and falling to her knees in front of him, her breath catching in her throat at the sight before her. _ _

__Loki's dark hair had fallen over one side of his face, his bottom lip pink, moist, pulled between his teeth. It could've been the booze, but Darcy was positive she'd be breathless here before him, bourbon or no bourbon. His eyes, vibrantly green and cat-like, followed her every movement, enticing her, pulling her to him. It was like there was nobody in the room with them- nobody in the _world_ with them- just him and her and their dizzying closeness. _ _

__Thor cleared his throat loudly, and Darcy was about to pick up the punch bowl and chuck at him. God, did these Avengers specialize in cock blocking? Jesus! Then she saw him holding up the notepad he'd been keeping score on, his big dumb face smug and boastful._ _

__“No.” Darcy scrambled to her feet, reaching for the pad._ _

__“Hands off the spoils, Darcy.” Thor yanked it out of her reach._ _

__“Are you telling me that even after the legendary Sling- um, Doiing-”_ _

__“Dosling,” Jane mentioned helpfully, and Darcy bowed to her in thanks, “right, Dosling, I still lost?”_ _

__Loki let out a sigh that was half aggravated, half amused. “I would say that _because_ of an astonishingly dreadful attempt, nay, make that atrocious-” _ _

__“Hey! Stop using words with more than two syllables, okay?” Darcy rubbed her temples, plopping on the couch in between Thor and Loki, pushing Thor away with a severe jut of her hip._ _

__Loki looked down at her, bemused. “This was actually your idea, if you recall.”_ _

__“Actually, my idea had more mistletoe in it.” His vibrant gaze was back, and Darcy swallowed thickly. “Anyway, I would never want Thor to win at Scrabble. Like, in what Universe is that even feasible?”_ _

__Loki chortled, and Darcy rested her head on his shoulder, watching as Thor and Jane high-fived at his win. Thor took Jane by the hand and led her over to the windows, where they began talking in low voices, watching the lights of the city and the light snow fall._ _

__“Loki?”_ _

__“Hm?” He sounded content, almost sleepy. She felt the same. She could probably spend all night here, curled up against him, warm and happy._ _

__“Is the room spinning?”_ _

__“Alright,” Loki gently pulled away from her, “you need something more to eat than just empty carbohydrates.” He pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around her shoulders._ _

__“Jane as well,” Thor piped up, and Darcy turned to see that Thor was carrying Jane to one of the arm chairs. The two girls grinned stupidly at each other. Well if they were going to drink too much, at least they had awesome chaperons._ _

__Loki busied himself in the kitchen for a moment, Darcy transfixed with the pattern of colored lights on the walls. He finished and brought plates for them, heaped with ham sandwiches made from the leftovers of dinner._ _

__“Did you put-” Darcy began, but Loki waved her off._ _

__“I am not a simpleton, Darcy. I would not dream of preparing you a ham sandwich without dijon mustard.” He set the plates down on the coffee table, then sat beside Darcy, urging her to eat. It was probably then and there that Darcy knew she was in so deep there was no climbing out. And she had no problem with it, was, in fact, fucking ecstatic about it. It wasn't just the drinks talking, no, today had shown her a side of Loki she knew had to exist, but had never been able to fully see._ _

__“Protein will soak up the sugar.” He said knowledgeably, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. God, a girl could used to this, to being taken care of, to being thought of and considered and put first._ _

__“Can I get a drink to go with this? Whiskey, neat?” Darcy asked and Jane almost spit her roll out from laughter._ _

__“You are, what was the term? Ah yes, _cut off_. Water or milk for you. Both of you.” Loki said severely, and she and Jane tried not to look at each other, certain they'd both crack up and spew food everywhere. _ _

__Loki stood to get napkins, Thor following him. Jane started to say something about Maria and Rhodey, but Darcy was straining to hear what was being said in the kitchen._ _

__Almost too quietly for her ears to pick up, Darcy heard Thor say, “Merry Christmas, brother.”_ _

__

__**see you in the next chapter!** _ _


	7. Beautiful With You

**This chapter contains references to self-harm, sexual content, and language.**

_I am beautiful with you_  
Even in the darkest part of me  
I am beautiful with you  
Make it feel the way it's supposed to be  
You're here with me  
You show me this and I'll believe  
I am beautiful with you  
You want me for myself  
You get me like no one else  
I am beautiful with you... 

Scent hit her first. Darcy knew it, of course, it was familiar, but from where? Her brain was sludge, and trying to remember or think hurt. She could move a little, though she wasn't even sure if she had legs and arms anymore. Everything felt as heavy as cement, but whatever she was laying on was comfortable. Soft, high-quality, expensive.

Oh, fuck. Last night the eggnog and the champagne had seemed like such a good idea, and she hadn't felt anything past that joyous alcohol buzz. Now it all had seemed to come at her at once, a wave of nausea hitting her like bricks. She didn't even want to open her eyes, certain that when she did only hellfire and brimstone would greet her. 

Back to the smell, then. It was soothing, woodsy...other-worldly, if she had to describe it. Cedar, maybe, and sage- with each gulp of it she felt her head clear a little more, warmth running through the limbs that, it turned out, she did still have. She was able to stretch out, not even reaching any edges or corners. The bed was overlarge, as though it were intended for a person taller than most. 

But where was she? Not home, that was for damn sure- not only could she not hear Mrs. Fasser screeching at her eight cats on the floor above her, but her bed in her apartment was nowhere near as heavenly as this. The thread count on these sheets alone made them worth more than anything she owned. 

Such luxury could only belong to one person- Loki. 

Then she recalled it all, their amazing evening (despite Thor and Loki's cheap and pathetic attempts at cheating at Scrabble), Thor's declaration that he was going to try to keep Loki on earth, the feeling of family and home and Christmas that had been so lacking the last few years...the snowball fight earlier yesterday had been nothing short of a blast, and then so picture-perfect at the end, Loki pulling her into his arms, almost kissing her! It was out there in the snow, goofing around like kids, that Darcy had really seen him let his hair down in a way that didn't end with mass destruction. 

There was a soft knock on the door. She groaned, and heard the door slowly open. 

“Now here is a pretty picture.” Loki drawled dryly, and Darcy opened one eye, groaning again as she reached blindly for a pillow to smother herself with. Even Loki's velvet voice sent her head pounding. 

“Come on, then. Getting up and moving will do you some good.” Loki yanked the blankets away from her, and she squeezed her eyes shut, refusing to look at him. 

“Are you going to behave like this all day? I was rather hoping our time could be better spent.” 

“UGH.” Darcy pulled herself up so she was sitting- hunched like a deformed witch it was true, but sitting all the same- and shaded her eyes, as though she were staring into the sun. It was then she realized she was wearing the outfit she always kept stashed at Thor and Jane's- a pair of comfortable sweats and a loose-fitting Red Sox shirt. 

“You...?” Darcy managed to ask, her voice hoarse and scratchy. Her brain might not have been working at a hundred percent, but she knew that for her to be in these clothes, somebody had to have taken her out of her other ones. Since she didn't remember it happening, it must've been after she had fallen asleep (blacked out sounded much too pathetic). There was no way the world was cruel enough that she was zonked while Loki took her clothes off...

Loki hurriedly shook his head. “Jane. After a few short hours of sleep she seemed to be just fine and came to help.” 

“I forgot how easily Jane bounces back from booze. Totally unfair.” Darcy realized then that she must have been out most of the morning, that her hair was a goddamn a mess and her breath was probably even worse. 

“Uh-” She began, but Loki talked over her. 

“The shower is prepared for you, if you would like to use it. I do not think it wise to send you home on your own until you have somewhat recovered. However deplorable the option is, you can always stay here, with me, until you are better. Unless you would rather go to Thor and Jane's?” 

Darcy rolled her eyes, then winced; her beloved go-to response brought enough pain pounding through her head to make her stomach roll. 

“I shall take that,” Loki extended a hand, indicating that she should stand, “as a “no, I of course prefer you,” and a “thank you, O Wise One, you truly have surpassed yourself in hospitality, selflessness, and chivalry”.” His smirk was as snarky and enchanting as ever.

Darcy laughed, despite the ache that pulsed through her body, and reached out for him. He gently pulled her from the bed and led her down the dimly lit hallway. She'd never been in this part of his apartment though she'd spent ample time here, and despite her urge to upchuck, she looked around with curiosity as Loki opened the bathroom door and flipped on the lights. 

Now that she was up and moving she could keep her eyes open without wishing she were dead. The bathroom was the same size as Thor and Jane's, though much neater and darker. The vanity was black marble, and the shower was long with a frosted glass door, certainly large enough, Darcy made sure to note, for two. She avoided looking in the large hexagonal mirror above the sink and instead focused on a panel with several knobs and buttons just beside the shower door. 

“It doubles as a steam room.” Loki said, noticing her gaze. He pressed a button and spun the first knob, and Darcy saw steam filling the shower from the marbled walls. “This one,” he pressed the second button and turned another knob, “is for aromatherapy. Different scents for different ailments.” Darcy now noticed small icons on the knob settings, a purple sprig of lavender, a eucalyptus leaf, a curl of orange peel...

“Fancy shmancy. You ever use it?” Oh _bad_ train of thought...now all she could picture was a naked, sweaty Loki surrounded by sweet smelling steam...

Loki nodded. “Occasionally. It is rather stressful, after all, to be stuck in a room with you and Jane day in and out.” But his voice had that teasing edge to it that she had come to realize he usually reserved just for her, and if she weren't afraid of looking like a feral beast, she would've smiled widely back at him. 

“Jane brought over a few of your...effects,” Loki gestured towards a large, hot pink makeup bag on the counter and Darcy could've bounded over to kiss Jane. It was her emergency bag, kept under Jane and Thor's bathroom sink for when she spent the night there or forgot something in her rush to get to work on time. Inside the bag, among other things, was a travel toothbrush and cinnamon toothpaste, deodorant, a brush and scrunchi, and a few random bits of makeup. 

“I do have some breakfast in the oven...and you will,” Loki narrowed his eyes at Darcy, “eat it. No arguments, no tantrums, yes?” 

Eating would definitely help, even if she did have to choke it down and drink a whole bottle of Pepto afterwards. And anyway, how could she complain? A luxury shower, a meal hot and ready for her, a day with Loki...hungover or not, things couldn't have been better. 

“No promises!” Darcy called to the back of Loki's head as he turned to leave. He ignored her, but she could see his half-smirk in the mirror as he passed it. 

**oooo**

Darcy let the hot water pound against her back and shoulders for a few minutes before she reached for the nearest bottle. It was dark green glass, heavy, and smelled absolutely heavenly. It was, she realized with a jolt, the scent that had been on Loki's sheets. She wasn't sure where it was from or what was in it, as all the words were in some foreign language she'd never seen before. She poured a liberal amount in her palm, savoring the aroma, enjoying the pleasant trickle through her veins with each breath she inhaled. It was Loki's smell, that's why she had recognized it, but hadn't been able to place it in her fuzzy state of mind.

Darcy felt much better now, more invigorated, though her stomach still churned. It was tolerable though, and she gave herself a final rinse and stepped out of the shower, toweling off and once again wondering just how much Tony Stark spent on linens. She redressed and combed her hair out, feeling more human. She took a long time brushing her teeth, and opted against any makeup. After all, Loki had already seen her looking like she'd spent the night fighting off rabid racoons in a garbage dump, so what was the point in trying to hide the circles under her eyes or her pale pallor now? 

Darcy left the bathroom and went into the living room, where all the blinds were drawn, and only two lamps were switched on. The track lighting in the kitchen was dimmed, and Loki was just putting two plates down on the table when she walked over and pulled out a chair for herself. 

“Welcome back to the land of the living,” he said, glancing over her. Indeed Darcy did look much better, but then a hot shower always did seem to help him when he was feeling less than fresh. Once she had eaten she would have more energy, and her alcohol-induced stupor would vanish, or at least lessen. 

“Ha ha...” She picked up her fork, looking at her plate doubtfully. Loki had made fried potatoes and scrambled eggs, something she usually enjoyed. True the smell of food wasn't making her gag, which was an improvement, but she could feel bile rising in her throat at the idea of trying to chew.

“The starch will be good for you. Just swallow, and try not to think about it.” Loki advised. 

Darcy lifted some eggs onto the fork and closed her eyes, trying to decide what not to think about- their fluffy texture, or the way Loki had said “swallow”. 

**oooo**

There was no doubt about it, Darcy was dying. Sure the food stayed down, had even tasted good, as all of Loki's meals did. There was, though, a jackhammer beating ceaselessly into the side of her head. Her shoulders were tight, tensed, her neck probably one giant knot by now. 

Loki plied her with water and aspirin from a bottle Jane had thoughtfully left, and insisted she lay on the couch and browse through the extensive list of channels on the television he never watched unless she was there with him. 

“I can't believe Jane tried to kill me. I'm like, her whole world, you know? I mean, does she think she'd be where she is today if it weren't for me? What kind of person poisons their reason for living?” 

“Oh yes, I do recall a gun pointed to your head as you sloshed down every ounce of alcohol you could get your hands on.” 

“I think you're just being a sore loser. You're bitter you couldn't hack it at a human game. It's okay Loki, nobody is judging you. Scrabble is for the big dogs, you know?” Darcy rolled onto her side, blinking at him. It was a testament to how they matched each other's snark that she could even form semi-decent insults to hurl at him in her state. Plus, there was no way she was ever, in her entire life, going to let Loki live down losing Scrabble. Sure, okay, _technically_ she had lost, too, and to Thor no less, but if there was one thing Darcy didn't do, it was get hung up on technicalities. Jane would stick to her story anyway- that the two of them totes took out the alien bros. Who would ever believe Thor and Loki over them?

“Since you insist on throwing your misery in my face...sit.” Loki gestured to the floor in front of him. Darcy's eyebrows lifted in surprise, not sure what he was implying.

“What?” 

Loki rolled his eyes. “I am a kind, charitable soul, Darcy. To see such a pathetic creature in pain stands against my very core.” 

It was Darcy's turn to roll her eyes, and Loki shrugged. “Often, getting the blood moving helps. Perhaps a light massage will assist in that.” 

“From you?” She squeaked. Sure Loki played with her hair and held her close at times, but this was completely different and should she what, take her shirt off? Oh god, he'd see her bra! She wasn't even wearing her sexy one, with the lace straps and-

“A rhetorical question, yes? As we are quite alone.” Loki interrupted her thoughts. 

Darcy visibly swallowed, but slid down on the floor in front of him, leaning back against Loki's legs. 

He gently lifted her hair, plying it to one side, over her shoulder. She bit her lip and tried not to moan as his long, nimble fingers brushed against her skin. He pressed into her muscles, moving his thumbs in long, sweeping motions down her neck. Darcy tipped her head slightly back against his knees, her lips now mashed together as she tried to suppress any sounds of pleasure. She didn't need Loki to know that she was so desperate, so easy (where he was concerned), that a simple, thoughtful neck massage could turn her on so much. 

And then, just like that, her resolve shattered and she started to laugh. Laugh at the situation, at what had happened the night before, at what was happening now. 

“What is so funny?” Loki demanded, his hands unmoving. 

“I was just thinking...I mean, look at you! You're totally taking care of me. Won't your bad boy image take a major hit? Pampering a Midgardian girl and all?” 

“I am positively domestic at this point...why not indulge a little more?” 

“You say that like I'm the one doing _you_ a solid.” 

Darcy once more laid her head back against Loki, her eyes fluttering peacefully shut as he resumed rubbing her shoulders. This went on for several minutes, Loki's ministrations reaching farther down her chest, brushing under the collar of her tee shirt. 

“This is...quite in the way.” Much to Darcy's surprise, Loki's voice was breathy, as though he were having a hard time maintaining himself. He tugged lightly on the sleeve of her shirt, and in one swift movement, her body reacting long before her brain, she pulled the it off and tossed it on the floor beside her. Except for her thin bra, she was now naked from the waist up. Normally she would be mortified- yeah she was fine to walk around in various states of undress in her own apartment, but with a guy, at his place? A guy she was totes gaga for? 

“Darcy...do try to relax.” Loki said after a thick swallow. Darcy let out a slow, steady breath and nodded. It was _Loki_. He had seen her at her absolute worst...her most freaked out, completely piss blind drunk, immaturely jealous...a faded bra and a few stretch marks wouldn't faze him now. 

**oooo**

The words were out of his mouth before he could comprehend what he was saying, and then Darcy, understanding and obeying instantly, had been there, before him, practically topless. Loki had seen women nude before, of course, he had been with women, had brought them pleasure and been pleasured himself in the process. It was not anything foreign to him, and yet each new experience with Darcy was like the first time all over again, and he may as well be an inexperienced, hormone-riddled youth for all the control he could muster. 

Sweat was beading on his brow, he could feel it. He only hoped that Darcy was unaware of just how much she was affecting him- he would do _very_ well to keep her against his knees and not make her aware of the precarious situation between his legs. He was sure she would be utterly (and rightly) mortified at the arousal she would feel there, the arousal that was caused by her silken skin beneath his fingertips, by the thick, plush tresses of her hair, by the way she kept wheedling her bottom lip between her teeth, as though to keep herself from crying out. 

Loki's hands drifted below her collar bones; he could not help himself. Surely this was understandable, even forgivable. There could be no being in the entire cosmos that could withstand the temptation that was before him now; the firm swell of Darcy's alabaster bust mere centimeters from contact. He could easily, all too easily, imagine slipping his hand down into the cup of her bra, of stroking, gently of course, the supple warmth he found there. Loki's mouth began to salivate just thinking about it. He yearned to know the exact texture of each square inch of her chest; her nipple, how it would stiffen under his ministrations, to memorize its exact rosebud color, and to all the gods, would he dare to hope? To taste it, to press his tongue there, against that pert peak...her breathtakingly beautiful breasts held, heavy in his hands, each receiving the lavish attention they so deserved...

This was not a good train of thought, at all, if he wished to conceal his physical impulses just now. Surely there would be opportunity later, farther down the road (though not too far one would hope), when he was more sure of his place here on Midgard, within SHIELD; when there could be a chance at something more than a quick roll on the floor of his apartment. 

Darcy meant more to him than that, and if, Valhalla willing, he was ever able to act on these ardent desires, it would be in a much more planned out, worthwhile and passionate way. He wanted to, and ought to, he reflected with some sense of amusing self-deprecation, at least kiss the girl before he tried to bed her. 

“I daresay you'll find it leaves something to be desired,” Loki said, after clearing his throat and dropping his hands from her, “but I hope your, er, circulation is improved at least.” He hesitated for half a second before handing her the discarded shirt, much preferring her to walk around in however little clothing she desired, but his chivalry forced him to hand the garment to her. 

Darcy gave a sharp intake of breath and licked her lips, a motion Loki hurriedly averted his eyes from, lest the situation in his pants become impossible for Darcy to ignore, and slipped it over her head, pulling it over her torso.

“Much better, thank you. Really. For everything.” Darcy turned and looked up at him, giving him a sweet smile. 

“As for the rest of the day-” 

“Not to worry, I have that covered. Luckily for you, uncultured swine that you are, I brought these over ages ago.” Darcy stood and walked over to the entertainment center, slid back one of the glass doors on it, and pulled out a case bound in what looked to be green leather. She flipped it open, revealing four discs inside, and fiddled with the TV for a moment, pushing the disc into the player. 

“Buckle up. Extended is the only way to go. There will be no stupid questions, and snack breaks are the only permissible reason to pause.” Darcy grabbed the remote, then sat back on the couch, unabashedly snuggling into Loki. 

He inclined his head in understanding, and Darcy hit the play button, all black and an eerie, ethereal voice filling the screen.

**oooo**

“What contrived, trite nonsense.” Loki sneered, as the screen darkened and the credits began to roll. Granted there had been parts of the film that were quite interesting, and Loki had to hand it to earth cinematics- the battle sequences were very engaging, and the acting had been top notch. He had not even minded the length of it all- how could he when Darcy was pressed up against him, so serene and comfortable? 

“Are you even speaking these words to me right now?!” Darcy cried, outraged. How _very_ dare he! Every single second on that screen had been pure magic! It was perfect! If only all films, fantasy or not, could reach to such a high caliber!

“All of this power, all of this might, in a mere ring? A piece of jewelry? Honestly,” Loki said condescendingly, “how unrealistic and foolish.” 

“Oh really,” Darcy replied hotly, her eyes reduced to slits, her arms folded across her chest. 

“Quite.” Loki beamed at her, secretly thrilled at her reaction. Of course it was very believable, and he'd seen things in other realms far more unimaginable. Darcy just had that very attractive glint in her eye when he disagreed with her about things she adored...

“It's no more unrealistic than, say, a magical scepter? What about Tony's reactor, hm?” 

“Both objects that exist in the realm of _reality_ , my dearest Darcy, not that of _fiction_. Which is another reason why it is so-” 

“Oh, you can just shut that mouth of yours _thankyouverymuch_!” Darcy screeched, not believing her ears. Loki was a boundary crosser for sure, and usually, Darcy didn't mind it, in fact, she got some amusement out of it, particularly when he was going toe-to-toe with Jane or Thor, but this? This was betrayal, in the simplest of terms.

“Or?” Loki challenged, raising an eyebrow at her. 

“ _Or_ ,” Darcy seethed, “I'll make you.” 

Loki's eyes seemed to blaze at her words, and Darcy bit back her lip, realizing what she had just said. The temperature of the room seemed to soar, the sexual tension thickening, pressing up against her skin. 

“Is that so?” Loki drawled slowly, his voice like silk. She couldn't tell if he was making fun of her or not, but he definitely seemed to be enjoying watching her squirm. 

“Well, I'm not some miracle worker...” Darcy said dismissively. She was so ready and so not ready for this at the same time...they'd been skirting true physical intimacy since, in her opinion, that day in the elevator that seemed almost a lifetime ago. She had a feeling, though, that when the moment presented itself (and it was most definitely _when_ , not if, because the only other alternative was for her to friggen die) it would be in a much more extravagant setting. Loki was definitely that sort, as her Christmas present proved. Besides, she knew that when it finally happened, when they kissed for the first time and perhaps even did more, it would be well worth the wait. 

Loki pursed his lips together, but didn't say anything more while Darcy reached for the remote and pulled up the disc menu. 

**oooo**

Darcy stayed for two days in Loki's apartment, enjoying every second of it. She was fit as a fiddle again by the end of the first day, but she had no real desire to leave, and Loki himself said it was just as much bother for two as for one, so she may as well stay for another day, just to be sure she was truly well. 

Loki cooked for them both, and Darcy washed her clothes in his washer/dryer combo. They sat up late, watching whatever movies Darcy fancied, and afterward they would talk, though Loki scarcely willingly mentioned anything about himself. Darcy had to pull things out of him, but was rewarded for her efforts. Loki shared memories of Asgard as a child, the way his mother used to fix him bread dipped in sweet wine and sing him songs she'd learned from her grandmother when he was upset, how Thor always came in first in their childhood games where strength was concerned, but none of their playmates could match Loki's ability at strategy. 

In turn, Darcy recounted her better days of college, all of which seemed to include Jane in some capacity or other, and she even brought a few smiles and quick chuckles out of Loki when she told him about finding (and nearly flattening him) and tasing Thor in the desert. 

Both nights Darcy fell asleep next to Loki on the couch, curled up against him, and both mornings she woke up in his bed, comfortable and rested. She was definitely going to be bugging Tony to get her whatever mattress and bedding he gave to those who lived in the building- it might even be worth it to give in to Fury's demands that every employee take up residence here just for the sheets. She wasn't complaining about the heated bathroom floors, either. 

Jane and Thor joined them for lunch on the second day, Jane bringing Chinese takeout and two bottles of sparkling cider. Jane said that Maria had dismissed everyone until after the New Year, since all productivity had seemed to cease in light of the holidays. Tony had all-but kidnapped Pepper and they were rumored to be hiding on a private island somewhere in the Caribbean. Sam and Steve were backpacking in Brazil with some buddies of Sam's from his military days. Nobody had heard from Nat, Clint, or Bruce. Fury had disappeared from the building, and Coulson phoned in orders, though nobody knew where he was, either. Darcy threw a triumphant fist in the air, glad to have a few days of leisure left. 

Loki gave her a sidelong glance, but she was high fiving Thor, who declared that he wasn't leaving Jane's side unless a cataclysmic event forced him to, and didn't notice. 

Jane, however, saw Loki's longing look, and saw precisely what was budding between her soon-to-be brother-in-law and Darcy, who she considered to be her own sister. Oddly, this didn't worry her. Or rather, it didn't worry her as much as it should have. Loki had shown a capacity for change and even if Darcy was the only person he was truly nice to or concerned about, it gave her hope for his future. She would watch them closely, she decided, but so far Darcy had spent vast amounts of time alone with Loki and came through unscathed- actually, now that she thought about it, Darcy was happier than Jane had ever seen her. 

It was high time for some serious girl talk. Darcy was familiar with pretty much every aspect of her and Thor's relationship, probably uncomfortably so. While she didn't expect Darcy to spill all of what happened between her and Loki, Jane had a feeling that Darcy would want to talk to somebody about it, and who better to understand what it was like to care about someone from another realm? 

Jane and Thor had both wondered how long this thing between Darcy and Loki had been going on, and Jane had speculated that it had started to blossom after Loki had witnessed Darcy's first panic attack. It was weird how these things could start. Loki, an outcast, a fugitive , falling for the lab assistant...Then again, hitting your soulmate with a bus in the middle of the desert wasn't exactly meet-cute, so who was she to judge?

“So, what's the haps? Anything new on the Avenging front?” Darcy asked, noticing that Loki's supply of ham fried rice was low, and taking it upon herself to scoop some more onto his plate. 

While Thor regaled them with Tony's latest hair-brained lab catastrophe and Fury's, well, fury, Jane watched as Loki and Darcy doted on each other like an old married couple. If Darcy's dumplings got cold, Loki would stand from the table and heat them up in the microwave. When Darcy saw that there was only a few pieces of Loki's favorite orange chicken left, she took none for herself but handed him the box with a small smile. Loki poured out Darcy's drink first, and after the leftovers had been put in the fridge and Jane passed around the doughnuts they'd brought as dessert, Darcy picked out the only raspberry filled one and gave it to Loki before anybody else had a chance to look over the choices of the box.

“He doesn't like chocolate,” Darcy said with a shrug, when she noticed Jane watching them over the now-empty box (Thor had taken nine for himself). 

Jane had promised Maria to look over some last minute equations she'd texted her, so after the doughnuts she and Thor said goodbye and went back to their apartment. 

“Okay, I'm dying to talk about what just happened in there.” Jane said, the instant their door had shut behind them. 

Thor nodded, a grim look on his face. “I too need to discuss it. It should not irritate me so, but after all, it was quite inconsiderate. I expect it from Loki of course, but not Darcy.” 

Jane gave him an odd look. “Really? I thought it was kind of cute. A nice change, actually.” 

Thor's face scrunched up. “A nice change from what? I only wish for it to never happen again. I do not think I can hold my tongue next time.” 

“Thor, what are you talking about?!” Jane cried, sure that if anybody should have been pleased about Loki's behavior, it would be Thor. 

“Darcy taking the jelly doughnut, of course. How could she not know that they are my favorite? I mean,” he stuck his lip out pathetically, “I picked that one special from the case. You were there! You remember. It was the last one in the whole shop!” 

Jane shook her head, but couldn't stop the smile that spread over her face. “You're lucky you're so cute.” She kissed his cheek, running her hand down his arm and squeezing their palms together. “But I was actually talking about Loki, and the way he kept looking at Darce.” 

Thor's face cleared. “Yes, of course. Was it not blatantly obvious how careful with Darcy he was being? As if he saw nobody else.” 

Jane nodded. “Precisely. I half expected them to start feeding each other! I can't decide if they're an old married couple or love sick puppies.” 

“And yet,” Thor tipped his head thoughtfully to the side, “did it not seem as though they were both holding back? As if they have not yet crossed some important threshold.” 

“I'd like to think that Darcy would've told me if they had kissed or anything, you know...more.” 

Thor wrinkled his nose. “Best to not think of that. Although I will say this for Loki, I have never seen him behave in such a way with a woman. With anyone for that matter.” 

“Did he...date a lot in Asgard?” Jane wasn't totally sure she wanted to know about the brothers' exploits before Thor had come to earth, but it was apparent that Darcy was something very special to Loki. 

“He always said Asgardian women did not interest him. There were few that were worth the effort, it is true, and it seemed that the ones who were, ended up being better friends than lovers. Our mother always said that it would take somebody very unique to unlock Loki's heart.” 

“Well, I think she's right. There's nobody like Darcy anywhere, in the entire universe.” 

“Loki is much the same. At his heart, my brother is a warrior. In a different way than I, perhaps, but mighty just the same.” Thor mused, staring out into the living room. “You have heard tell of knights, yes?” He asked Jane, who nodded. She had taken medieval studies in college, and had always found that time period fascinating. 

“That is the closest explanation I can give of Loki. Though he has done horrific deeds, once he has a true cause, he is honorable and very protective. That he gets from our mother. She is quite the woman, you know. One day I hope for you to meet her.” Thor entwined his fingers with Jane's. 

“So what you're saying is that Loki has a purpose now.” Jane said, and Thor nodded. “Darcy has woken something in him, something I feared was gone forever. But now...” 

“Now there's hope.” Jane finished for him. Thor nodded, then leaned over to deeply kiss her, driving Maria's request from both their minds. 

**oooo**

Darcy was not thrilled to be back home.

She had built up her apartment to reflect everything she loved- bright colors, lots of cool posters of indie films, play bills from the Broadway shows she'd been to, an old record player and a huge stack of vinyls, area rugs in different geometric designs scattered everywhere. Every inch of her albeit small abode screamed DARCY FRIGGEN LEWIS LIVES HERE. 

But now, all she saw was how empty it was. There was no fresh fruit in the fridge, no french toast sizzling on the stove top, no snide banter or warm body to cuddle up to. For the first time in her life, Darcy hated living alone. 

No, no, that wasn't it. She didn't want to bunk with just anybody. She couldn't spend that much one-on-one time with Jane, and if she had to live with any of the other people she knew- well, it'd be a disaster. 

“Other” being the operative word. People other than Loki, that was. The last two days had been some kind of dream- not that living with Loki would always be that way, of course. They both liked to argue, were sure they were always right, and Loki, while accommodating, wasn't all that fond of Darcy's taste in music and TV. He was an early-riser, a morning person- she could sleep til noon if given the chance and her juices never got properly flowing until at least that late. They both took ridiculously long showers, and while Loki was more considerate that she was, he still wasn't quiet as he moved around the apartment while she laid in bed. 

That all sounded pretty damn good to Darcy. She'd take it, any day. She wondered if Loki felt that way, too...he did seem genuinely disappointed that she had to go. Of course, maybe he was just lonely, and she was the closest thing he had to a friend that wasn't his brother. Still, she wasn't a fool. She'd snatch that opportunity up! 

It had been nearly nightfall when Darcy had been deposited at her building by a SHIELD driver, and she stood forlornly in her kitchen, rummaging through her empty fridge, searching for something to eat while she made a mental list of what she had to get done tomorrow. 

Though Maria had granted the rest of SHEILD, or so it seemed, a vacay, Jane had suggested that the day after tomorrow they meet in the lab to catch up on some neglected paperwork and other administrative crap that Darcy would rather die than do over the holidays, but duty before pleasure, she supposed, and anyway she would see Loki and that seemed to make any day more bearable. 

In frustration, Darcy slammed the fridge door shut and sulked to the bedroom, where the bed lay unmade, clothes all over the floor. Tomorrow would be a chore day, that was for sure. Laundry, going to the market, cleaning the whole apartment...certainly not her idea of a day off, but adulthood was a bitch and she'd gotten used to having such tidy surroundings at Loki's, at having decent food always within reach. 

Maybe, Darcy mused, as she began to pick up the laundry and toss it into the hamper, she could, one day, show Loki her place. He would, if nothing else, get a kick of out its eclectic appearance. Though her bed wasn't nearly as comfortable as his...Darcy shivered at the idea of sharing a bed with Loki. She'd been sure he would have slept beside her the last two evenings. After all, he went through the trouble of carrying her into his bed when he could have very easily tossed a blanket over her and left her on the sofa. It must have come down to his chivalry. Or maybe he thought it'd be crossing a line to sleep beside her? She'd tried like hell to show that nope, she didn't have lines when it came to him. 

After tidying her room Darcy went back into the kitchen, pulling out one of the only things she had the ingredients for, a box of mac n cheese. After making, eating, and cleaning up her pathetic dinner, the rest of her night passed in solitary silence, and even when she blasted some music while she was in the shower, she still felt a deep sense of loneliness.

Chiding herself, Darcy got into bed. She was a grown ass woman, a woman who was lacking a firm declaration from Loki of his feelings and/or intentions towards her. So it wasn't even like she was girlfriend, and yeah he'd been the one to insist she stay with him, but she had no right to miss his apartment, to miss “living” with him, as she had done the last two days. 

Loki was probably grateful for the break, anyway, she decided, plugging her phone in to charge and rolling over onto her side. Yeah he'd always been welcoming, always made room for her, but it was probably a lot for him to take in...not many people (including herself) could handle 24/7 Darcy Lewis. 

A shame, she thought, yawning widely, already drifting off to sleep, but understandable. Yep, totes understandable. 

**oooo**

Loki did not favor this, not one bit. It was rather desperate, he was sure, but his entire apartment lacked a very distinctive glow now that Darcy had departed, and he had to admit, for the very first time since being on this planet, that he was lonely. Well, now, that wasn't entirely it; not just anybody's company would do. Thor was of course family, though when Loki got into a certain mood, he was quite content not to see or speak to the overbearing brute for as long as possible. Darcy, however...Darcy he wanted by his side no matter his state of mind, no matter his frustrations.

Loki bustled around, scrubbing, vacuuming, dusting, his usual evening routine, and he could not help but wish he had finally given in to Darcy and Thor's admonitions that he obtain a mobile phone so that he could hear her voice, or perhaps even exchange lines with her (text, he was sure it was called). Then again he doubted very much that Nick Fury would allow this, no matter if Thor himself asked for it; communication with the outside world was very limited to the inside of Jane's lab. 

He had been on the verge of asking Darcy to stay for yet another day, and possibly another after that. Jane had decided during their lunch that they should put in, at least, a few hours of work, and a day had been picked. It would have been very easy for Darcy to continue to reside there, in his own apartment, until that day arrived. Surely some minion or other of SHIELD's could be dispatched to fetch her some more clothes or anything else she needed.

And then, of course, he worried that he would be forcing her to do something she did not want to. Then again, Darcy never had a problem voicing her opinions and desires, so if she did indeed want to stay, she would have asked to. He waited the whole day for her request, was even close to prodding her in that direction once or twice, but it never came. He accepted this; perhaps Darcy missed her home, or perhaps she was just tired of his constant presence. 

As to the latter, he certainly could not blame her. 

**oooo**

Darcy shot up, covered in sweat, a dull ache between her legs, vivid images still burned in her mind. She almost wanted to cry at the realization that everything that had happened- that Loki had done to her, that she had done to him- was only a dream. 

She licked her lips, swearing she could taste the sweet tang of the dripping peach that she'd held in her hand. Darcy's fingers went to her neck, as though she could actually feel the heat of Loki's lips there, at her pulse, at the hollow of her throat. Everything had felt so blessedly real, so solid, just like the night around the burned out campfire...

Did that mean that Loki really _had_ been here? She took a deep breath, shaking her head. No, no...there were differences, major ones, like the venue, for one...she and Loki had definitely not been going at it on her cramped bed, nor had she been wearing pajamas with kittens on them. If anything, it seemed almost like a page out of an erotic novel, with the peach nectar sliding in rivulets down her arm, and the delicate gold and silver macrame outfit she'd been wearing that covered very little...the large, circular bed with silk sheets that felt heavenly on her bare legs and back. The last time she hadn't even been asleep, though she figured afterwards that must've been what was happening. This time, it was clear, she had definitely been dreaming.

Darcy tried to picture the room in her mind's eye- a room of marble, with large tiles of it cut in impossibly precise and swirling patterns. The ceiling was painted with art she'd never seen before, jewel-like constellations (probably they really had been made of jewels, Darcy thought) and figures of such beauty that they must have been gods and goddesses...in the middle of the room a fire burned dimly in a grandly carved fireplace...not that she and Loki were lacking any warmth. And _Loki_ , Loki above her, dressed in what must be his finest Asgardian wear, with eyes hungry, drinking her greedily in...

It was a little strange, she thought, because if she were going to dream about her and Loki, it wouldn't be in such a magnificent, grandiose setting. She would be in something more comfortable- a tank top and a cute pair of underwear, probably- and they would be in his apartment.

No, if anything, that would strike her as Loki's fantasy, not hers. 

_Whoa, what?!_ Loki's...well, it all fit, didn't it? The intricacy of it all, the lavishness of everything. It was exactly how she could see Loki picturing an intimate, steamy evening with a woman. And the woman had been her! 

Did this mean that, as had happened last time, and Loki had said she'd been thinking about him, that he had been thinking about her? At Area 86 something had happened, possibly a connection had been made between them because of his magic, or simply because of whatever was going on with that whole whacked out place. Well, there was certainly a connection between them now, the past two days had proved that...was it strong enough to allow her to see into _his_ mind? If so...

Holy. Fucking. Shit. 

**oooo**

At first, it had been a technique he used to clear his mind. It had been something he had read in one of the many books Thor often brought him, and he had little else to do at night, when sleep seemed almost impossible. It was simple, really, and often it did help him. These imaginary scenarios he created had, of late, included Darcy, but certainly never to the explicit extent that this particular one had led to. 

Yet Loki had a very hard time feeling any guilt over it. Darcy brought out so many things inside of him, and carnal lust happened to be one of them. He simply could not help it, and ever since he had given her that massage, she had been driving him into delicious madness. She was not doing it intentionally, of course (or so he supposed). Darcy may not have believed it, but she was, to him any way, the very meaning of seduction. It was not all physical, of course. He was as drawn to her soft curves as he was her laugh, her passion for the things she enjoyed, her loyalty to those who were lucky enough to be called her friends. 

Occasionally he would recall Asgard, and his favorite things about it. His mother, of course, his favorite haunts, the feasts and mead, the freedom to use his magic to whatever ends he desired. His old quarters had popped into his mind, and he thought just how picturesque Darcy would look, spread there on his bed. After that, the reverie had taken on a mind of its own. Darcy's long, dark hair lay in sheets across her shoulders, a revealing, elaborately designed outfit of gold and silver webs taut against her creamy skin that glowed milky-white in the firelight. 

She beckoned him with merely a look, and as he approached her he saw that she had taken a ripened, fragrant peach from the bowl on his bedside table, and had sunk her teeth into it. The juice from the lush fruit stuck to her lips, dripped down her neck, onto her ample breasts, seeped into the glistening cords.

He was on the bed, his lips on hers before he could form any coherent sense of the situation. The nectar from the peach was sweet and sticky, and his mouth followed its trail down Darcy's delicate throat, one hand in her flowing hair, the other wrapped around her, pulling her to him so there was but a tiny breadth between them. 

Darcy moaned, a sound that sent every able-bodied brain cell he possessed into complete abandon. He only knew that she had made that hallowed sound because of him, and he would not rest until she was in throes of utter ecstasy. 

He slid his hands across her body, searching for a knot or clasp to undo so that he could discard her outfit. Darcy giggled lightly at his hurried frustration, and meeting her eye, he bent down to his ankle and pulled out the dagger he had, until his capture on Midgard, carried on him at all times. Darcy gave a sharp intake of breath, and her eyes darkened further with anticipation as she saw the blade. In a swift motion Loki had severed several cords. A patch of Darcy's tempting skin was now accessible to him, and he bent his head, pressing his lips lightly to it. It tasted as glorious as he always thought it would, and his tongue lapped greedily at her hip, as though he would never again taste something so exquisite. Darcy moaned again- a deeper, louder one, and Loki could not help himself; he cut right up the middle of the garment, so that he could rip it all off at once. 

He had just glimpsed the blush crescent of her breasts when the door to his chamber slammed open, and in a torrent of shouts, heavy boots, and metal spears, all was chaos. Darcy was ripped from him, held by a guard around the neck, his hand muffling her cries of indignation and pleas for help. She had grabbed the sheet for leverage, and now it hung in ripped tatters around her body, so that she was, at least, not naked for the whole host to see. 

Before Loki could speak or react, Odin strode into the room, shaking his head in utter disbelief at the scene before him. “Loki. My son. One cannot dabble in these affairs. In these _human_ affairs.” 

“Release her at once!” His voice found, Loki was sure he had never spoken with more venom or anger towards Odin than he had at this moment. 

“It is you who I have come to release. You must understand that all a father wants for his son is for him to continue on an honorable path, unencumbered with such follies as these.” He gestured to Darcy, who glared defiantly back at him. 

“I am not your son.” Loki snarled. He turned to wrench Darcy out of the guard's hold, but Odin raised a hand, and the guard beside them pressed the tip of his sword against Darcy's throat, in the exact spot where Loki had, only a short moment ago, ravenously kissed. He stopped in his tracks, and Odin sighed. 

“I feared it would come to this. I rather hoped not, for I do not like to dirty my hands in this way. Still, you are far too stubborn to hear reason. The ends justify the means...a sad truth, but a truth nonetheless.” It was as if, watching the events unfold, Loki had left his own body; he had no control over himself, he was frozen in place, he was unable to scream or stop the length of Odin's own spear, the sharp glint of the tip hurtling into Darcy abdomen as a hot knife through butter. 

“You see, my son?” Odin's spear was glistening with Darcy's blood; it dripped from the tip, splashing to the floor where Darcy's body lay in a heap, her eyes no longer filled with her love of life, with her crackling energy, but cold, empty, dead. “This is her fate. Yours need not be bound to it.” 

And still he stood, immovable, but not by some magic of his own, or trickery of Odin's; no, he was paralyzed by fear and shock as the loss of her, of the woman he cared for, rolled over his body, racking him with cold sweat that ran to his blood. 

“Will you not speak? Will you not rejoice in what I have done? How I have set you free?” 

There could never be freedom without Darcy, that Loki knew. That he had known since the time in the elevator when she had reached out to him, needing him, wanting him. Yes, that was when it all began to happen, when he felt himself soften around her, when he felt compelled to be near her, when he wanted to be the one who caused her to smile, or to laugh...and now she was erased from existence, as quickly and surely as if she had never existed at all. 

“My son, the mute!” Odin laughed a horrible, menacing laugh, a sound that got louder and louder until Loki was careening through the blackness of space, a space devoid of stars because without Darcy, why would they shine? They had no reason to. 

Finally Loki jerked himself awake, out of a tangle of sheets, Odin's laugh still ringing in his ears. 

**oooo**

Darcy hadn't been in the door two seconds when Loki swooped down on her, pulling her roughly to him. His face was buried in her hair, his arms tight around her. 

“Whoa, good morning to you too,” Darcy said, taken aback, but squeezing him in return. 

“It is now.” Loki said in a low voice, pulling away from her enough to see her face. 

“You okay?” Darcy asked, brow furrowed. Loki was looking at her like they'd been apart for ages...wait, no, that wasn't really it. It was like...like he hadn't been sure that he would ever see her again. Huh. As if she had some other place to go? As if she'd _want_ to go there, if he wasn't there? If Jane and Thor and all her other friends weren't there? 

Loki gave her a long look, then released her. Jane walked briskly in behind her, mumbling hello to them both, and heading straight for the coffee maker. 

“Another long night I'm guessing...” Darcy muttered, noting the deep circles under Jane's eyes. Jane never banked much sleep anyway, she had been like that as long as Darcy had ever known her, but she slept pretty soundly with Thor around. When he was gone for long periods of time or away on a mission of some sort, Jane reverted to zombie mode and usually ended up napping against the lab equipment. 

Loki glanced at Jane then back at Darcy with an agreeing nod. Thor must have been off playing with the other supes, despite the holiday break Maria had offered up. Darcy's thoughts instantly turned to Area 86 and if SHIELD was trying hide anything else, anything more, from them...how would Fury react if he knew that they themselves knew SHIELD was spying on them and keeping hidden agendas? 

Darcy looked around, as though she could instantly spot a hidden camera in the ceiling tiles or a mic shoved into a computer speaker. The lab looked the same as it always did; Loki sat at a table, making changes and additions to a long page of very complicated looking diagrams. Jane was scooping creamer into her coffee, missing about half of each spoonful and spilling all over the counter because she also had her nose in a German encyclopedia. 

Everything looked normal, only it didn't feel that way. 

“Darce, Bruce has those samples ready for me. Can you swing by his lab and grab them?” Jane called, now at her desk. Darcy nodded vaguely, her thoughts foreboding. Loki gently grabbed her hand as she passed his table, and she stopped, looking questioningly down at him. 

“Everything is going to be alright, Darcy. I-” He paused, taking a breath, and Darcy noticed that he'd gone paler than normal, “I will keep you safe. Do you understand?” 

She understood that he was acting super weird, but she nodded vigorously, hoping to reassure him. He brought her hand to his lips, then let go of it, though it seemed to pain him greatly to do so. 

“I'll be back in a sec,” She said, and he dropped his eyes back to his paper, giving her no response. 

Okay, what was _that_ all about?! 

Ugh, she hated being right. Things were definitely not normal. 

**oooo**

Bruce had been out, but he'd left the samples in a clearly marked package on the front table just inside his lab, and after a quick stop in the mail room, Darcy had hurried back, anxious to see that Loki's color had returned, that he was more himself again. 

Loki was almost waiting for her, and Darcy could've sworn he'd let out a breath of relief when the glass doors closed and locked behind her. He made no move toward her, though, instead going back to his work. She shrugged to herself; boys, whether from earth or another realm, were weird. 

“Mail call,” Darcy announced, flipping through the stack of envelopes in her hands. There was a postcard for Jane from her mom, who was currently vacationing in Ireland, several official memos from outposts all over the world, junk mail with a few pizza delivery coupons for that she was so snagging, a National Geographic with Thor's name on it that she tossed to Loki, and a cream colored envelope with a gold seal on the back. 

“Oh hell...” The looped writing on the front was addressed to her. She groaned, knowing full well that it wasn't anything she would be happy about. 

“Anything good?” Jane asked, noticing Darcy glaring at the envelope. 

Without a word, Darcy passed the piece of mail to Jane, holding it by its edge as though it were contaminated.

“Ah,” Jane said as she read the return address. Loki watched the whole affair with curiosity, wondering what on earth could be so horrible about the small card Jane now held in her hand. 

“Maybe it's for a funeral?” Jane suggested with a shrug. 

Darcy rolled her eyes, snatching the card back from Jane. “As if I'd be that lucky.” She flipped it open, scanned over its contents as quickly as she could, then marched to the nearest garbage can and tossed it inside. 

“Who this time?” Jane asked knowingly, looking as though she wanted to fish the thing from the trash but knowing she better not. 

Darcy heaved a sigh, dramatically falling into her rolling chair. “I don't even want to talk about it.” Couldn't her family have enough tact to send such bad news to her actual home address? No, of course not. It had be flashy, had to be something that would be seen by more eyes than just Darcy's. Jane seemed to be thinking along these same lines, and quickly deduced what must have transpired.

“Jasmine and Lucas finally getting hitched, then?” 

“Why would they bother with it now? They've been dating for like, a bajillion years. I mean, what's so wrong with living in sin, hmm?” Darcy's eyes met Loki's and she hurriedly glanced away, trying not to blush. Talk about sin...she remembered the way Loki had looked at her in her dream, before pulling the knife from his boot, how his lips had felt against her bare hip...if only she hadn't woken up _just_ as he had cut her free of that ridiculous costume... _okay, super bad train of thought for a work day..._

“Well...they are family. Maybe it's a good thing they invited you? They obviously want you there.” When this did not dispel Darcy's dark glower, Jane changed tactics. “You'd better not be like this when it's _my_ wedding invitation you get in the mail.” Jane teased, and Darcy lifted her head. 

“You say that as if I'm not the one who will be planning the whole thing.” 

Jane's eyes widened. “Think again, Darcy Lewis. Thor and I want a quiet, small-” 

“WHAT?!” Darcy shrieked, jerking up and staring at Jane as though she'd lost her everloving mind. “You're seriously just messing with me, right?” 

Jane shook her head. “Do you honestly think that I want a huge spectacle? I mean, really, we'll probably just end up eloping-” 

“JANE FOSTER-” 

“Or a courthouse wedding, with just the judge, that's really more appealing, don't you think? That's how Thor's leaning, anyway.” 

“WHERE IS THAT USELESS FIANCE OF YOURS? I WILL TAN HIS HIDE!” Darcy violently pushed herself away from her desk and stalked over to Loki, ripping the magazine from his hands. “We have a crisis here Loki, okay? Why don't you, unlike your buffoon of a brother, help instead of hinder?” She pushed her cell phone into his hand. “This,” she tapped an icon, “is called Pinterest and it's going to help us avert catastrophe. I want ideas on flower arrangements, okay? Are you listening, Loki? Vintage rustic should do it.” Darcy hurried away without waiting for him to answer or to clarify just what the hell she meant, and they heard her rummaging around in the back of the lab. 

Jane gave Loki a small wink, and he understood that she'd changed the subject to get Darcy outraged on purpose, to take her mind off her family. It struck him that he could learn a lot indeed from Jane Foster. 

Darcy came back to them, notebook and pen in hand, an extra pen stuck behind her ear for good measure. 

“Okay, so what are we talking budget-wise? Obviously,” Darcy chuckled, “Asgardian currency isn't going to cut it. How much does your mom have stashed away?” The pen was poised over a fresh sheet of paper, Darcy itching to take notes. 

Jane swiveled around in her chair, hands wrapped around a cup of coffee. “I'm guessing nothing?” 

Darcy cocked an eyebrow. “Are you...are you trying to be funny?” 

Jane shrugged. “What difference does it make anyway? I mean, Thor is an _Avenger_. Once we set a date people will be lining up to throw free things at him, won't they?”

Darcy shot Loki a look. “Is she really serious?” 

Loki, uncomfortable at being a part of this conversation at all, merely stared back at her, open-mouthed. 

“Oh c'mon Darce, think about it! While lecturing at a seminar about the Einsten-Rosen Bridge, I could casually drop that I need a wedding dress. Or at a luncheon for Culver alums, I can mention that the catering is superb and would be perfect for our reception. We'd have more freebies than we would know what to do with. For once Thor's fame wouldn't be such a pain in the neck.” 

Darcy briefly considered it, but then scoffed. “I mean yeah, alright, Thor is okay. He's not bad. Somewhat easy on the eyes, charming when he isn't breaking things or destroying property, but...you're Jane fricken Foster! Face it. Your boyfriend is cool, but you're cooler.”

Jane flushed, but only shrugged again. Darcy gaped at her, finally shaking her head in disbelief, giving her up as a lost cause. 

“When is this...uh...event, anyway?” Jane ventured after a few moments of silence. 

Darcy blew out a breath. “They're doing everything fucking backwards, as usual. The reception is the night before, and the wedding ceremony is the next afternoon.” 

“So you'll be gone overnight?” Jane said, noting the way Loki's mouth dropped into a frown.

“Who says I'm going?” 

“You are.” Jane said decisively. “As horrible as they are to you, you would never be that way to them.” 

Darcy looked doubtful and Loki, for one, hoped that Jane was wrong. The last place Darcy should be was in the midst of people, family no less, who made her miserable. He understood all too well what that could do to a person. Loki was sure Darcy's anxiety would not do well in such an environment.

Spinning in her chair, Darcy stopped, facing the wall, her neck draped over the back of the chair. “Yeah, well...anyway. It'll be easier to stay the night. The hotel isn't bad- I mean, definitely overpriced, probably a gaudy mess knowing Jasmine's taste, but it has decent reviews.” Darcy limply indicated her computer, where a travel website was pulled up. “And then I'm out for at least a year.” Darcy pulled herself up and back to her desk. “Two, actually. I think this kind of torture definitely deserves a two year hiatus.” 

Jane nodded in vigorous agreement and opened her mouth like she wanted to say something, but, with a furtive look at Loki, thought better of it. 

**oooo**

The days before the wedding seemed to speed by, melting quickly away. Her friends, however, rallied magnificently, determined to keep her cheerful and her mind off the impending doom of such a huge family function. Thor and the rest of the Avengers returned, and the night before Dacry had to leave, Jane threw together a huge dinner with everyone, deciding to have it in the lab, so that Loki could attend, too. He did so only because Darcy asked him to; he certainly had no desire to spend any of his free time with those who had (however justly so) captured and imprisoned him. Yet the fact that he was even willing spoke volumes to those who were listening (Tony, Jane, Thor), and the night was a resounding success.

Loki had been on the brink of suggesting that Darcy stay with him that evening; the dinner would be over late, she would want plenty of rest, etc...he had many reasons to help implore her, but found his invitation unnecessary. Jane had already offered up her guest room, and Darcy had gratefully accepted. Very well, then. He would simply have to be more prudent in future, and beat Jane to the punch. 

The following morning Darcy's suitcase was packed and the SHIELD car was waiting to take her to the airport. It would be a short flight, only forty-five minutes, and it was only one night in the hotel and she had, thank god, called ahead to make sure her room was at lease two floors away from anybody she was remotely related to. 

Still, it seemed as though she were leaving for a long time, and she didn't like that feeling at at all. Loki was waiting for her as far as his anklet would allow, at the end of the corridor; Jane and Thor were down by the car. 

“Be safe, my Darcy.” Loki bent down to give her a soft kiss on her forehead. She hugged him tightly, trying not to think about how much bearable this ordeal would be if Loki could be with her. Loki would understand her fucked up family, and he would be able to find a way to make her laugh about the whole thing. 

“Try to keep it all together while I'm gone, yeah? Jane is like, totally useless without me.” 

“I will do what I can. I am not a miracle worker.” 

Despite her crappy mood, Darcy smiled. “Thanks. Ugh, if I don't go now, I'll never leave. Okay, here I go. See you soon. I mean,” Darcy backtracked, “that is, if you want me to come over when I get back, I totally understand if you don't-” 

“I look forward to it.” Loki assured her, tucking her hair behind her ear. “You can handle this, Darcy.” He said it gravely, but it was encouraging nonetheless. She gave him one last smile and then forced herself to leave his arms, quickly walking down the hall before she was tempted to turn around to get a last glimpse of him. 

**oooo**

Darcy sighed, putting the finishing touches on her make up. She knew that no matter what she looked like or wore, her family would be critical. She somehow had been far more endowed than any of the other females she was related to, and they all felt the need to point it out every time they got together. Sure, Darcy wasn't as thin as she was in college, but she had a pretty high profile job, bucket loads of stress, and didn't keep a typical nine to five schedule. She also detested the gym, and besides, who cared what she looked like? Was dropping some weight going to make her and Nick Fury besties all of a sudden? Would fitting into Lydia's bikinis get her off Maria Hill's shit list? Double nope on that one. She might as well worry about more important things than her waist size. 

So she tried not to care about her looks, and with SHIELD and Jane and Loki and Thor and the rest of her friends, it was easy. She truly felt that they valued her for who she was and what she'd proved to them she could do. Away from her family and working for Fury, Darcy had gained a confidence she didn't know was possible. 

_Aaaand_ her family would be pros at wrecking it all. They were insensitive and vindictive, and she knew that, had always known it, had tried her hardest to behave as differently from them as she could. And yet...they still held some stupid power over her, their criticisms still stung, their disapproval of everything from her hair style to how much or little she spent on shoes still bothering her even after all these years. 

Darcy took a deep breath; it would be fine. It had to be. Above all else, Loki believed she could deal with the batshit crazies she would be forced, in a few short minutes, to be with for the next eighteen hours. 

And if Loki believed she could...well, she owed it to him to try. 

**oooo**

The next few hours passed in a mind-numbing blur. Thankfully, nobody in her family cared much for her opinion on things, or an update on her life, so after the initial greetings in the large ball room where the reception was being held she was able to sit in silence, stuffing mini crepes and shots from the bar in her mouth every time she was tempted to insert herself into any of the conversations around her. 

Eventually, though, she found herself seated at a table with her mother, aunt, and cousin, and having exhausted all other subjects, Darcy's mom decided to turn to her daughter with a barrage of insults thinly veiled as questions. 

A half an hour later of dragging her only child through the proverbial mud in regards to her social life, wailing about the fact that a single daughter was a useless daughter, Darcy's jaw was becoming more tightly clenched with every passing minute. When her mother showed no signs of letting up, when she actually seemed, after several glasses of white wine, to be getting a second wind, Darcy decided she couldn't keep her mouth shut any longer. 

“Actually, I have met someone.” She interrupted coolly, gripping her beer bottle, willing herself to remain calm. 

Her mother and aunt glanced skeptically at each other. 

“Have you?” Her cousin asked, absently shaking the ice in her glass. 

“Yeah. He's pretty incredible, actually.” Darcy gave a small smile, Loki's green eyes and classic smirk filling her mind. 

“You met him- at a bar? On the street?” Her aunt asked, and all Darcy really wanted to do was was get away from here- that, or bash the bottle in her hand over her aunt's head. Getting away was the one least likely to end in bloodshed. 

“No Ceila,” Darcy sucked in a breath, forcing her voice to come out calm and even. “At work. See, I actually have this thing called a career.” Darcy shot a nasty look at her cousin who stared back, unabashed. 

It was no secret that Lydia had made zero attempt at completing high school. Darcy had been glad when Lydia made the cheer leading squad, hoping that the dedication and hard work it required would straighten her cousin, with whom she had once been close, out. It had the opposite effect, and two months in Lydia was kicked off the squad for failing grades and sneaking off during a football game at half-time to get shitfaced with her twenty year old boyfriend. The cheer coach had called the cops, and Lydia earned herself an underage drinking charge. Community service did little to change her attitude, and Darcy was pretty sure that Lydia only went on to graduate high school because she was on friendly terms- _very_ friendly terms- with the vice principal. Two years later and her attitude hadn't changed much. She didn't have a job, had no plans for college or trade school or even an online course, trashed her parents pool house with parties nearly every weekend, and was content to let her long stream of boy toys pay for the things she wanted. Her parents didn't seem to mind, claiming that Lydia was young and needed to “find herself”. If ever there was a human definition of a spoiled brat, it was Lydia. 

“Oh Darcy,” Her mother said flippantly, “making coffee and answering phones is not a career. Now, if you'd gone to law school like I wanted-” 

“I don't just answer phones, mom, you know that.” Darcy took a large swig of beer, wondering when the hell the waitress was coming back. She needed another round before she lost her shit. 

“If you met a guy at SHEILD, considering your position of gofer, well, one must assume he's simply...what was the term?” Celia looked to her daughter for help. 

“Slumming it.” Lydia answered with a satisfied smirk.

“You'd know.” Darcy snapped, and Celia gasped, her hand over her heart. 

“Oh shove it, Celia. Your daughter's an embarrassment to this entire family and so are you.” 

“Darcy!” Her mother cried, but Darcy had had enough. It was time she stood up for herself. She wasn't their little punching bag anymore, she wasn't weak enough to sit by and take their abuse with a tight smile like she'd done for the past few years. She shoved her beer into her mom's hand and stormed away, vowing to pack her shit and head home that night. 

Luckily she didn't meet anyone in the hall, or the elevator, and once she was back to her room  
Darcy slammed her the door shut behind her, kicking her heels off furiously, sinking onto her bed. After a few minutes in the heavy quiet of the room, her anger was starting to abate, shame taking its place. Not shame because of what she had said to her family, they definitely deserved far worse and on the whole, she ought to be commended for not throwing punches. No, it was that the people who truly cared about her had believed that she could keep her cool. Loki and Jane were so sure she could take the high road, yet here she was, seething and pouting in her room after causing a scene.

She could be pissed that her family was made up of pathetic bitches who were so miserable in their own lives that they had to bring everybody down to their level. Darcy knew that, had always known that, and her grandma, had she been alive, would have shut that shit down so fast...but that wasn't what was really bothering her. Those words stuck with her- not the remarks about her weight, or her makeup, or her lack of ambition, but what they'd said about Loki. 

_Slumming it_. 

That couldn't be true, could it? Loki always seemed so genuine when he was with her, showing her a side of himself that nobody else got to see. He'd helped her so many times, without a thought as to how she could pay him back. He was selfless where she was concerned. Their chemistry was so strong she felt it very nearly burning her skin sometimes. 

Okay, yeah, she had to admit it had always been a little weird, that Loki liked her. He was so smart, so powerful, so much _more_ than anybody she'd ever known. Human or not, guys like Loki did not fall for girls like her. Jane was more his type. Gorgeous and able to keep up with his brains, somebody who had achieved so much in her life. 

Yes, that was the sort of woman Loki ought to be with, not her, not somebody so dramatic and ridiculous, who flew off the handle at the smallest things. Not her, with her useless college degree, her baggage, her lack of conventional beauty. What, really, did she have to offer Loki? 

It was entirely possible that he was just bored, here on earth, trying to find something to pass the time. How could she have ever hoped to have something lasting with him? Loki could have his pick of women across any of the realms, and probably had. There was no reason he should actually want her when he could have so much better. That's what it came down to, right? She simply wasn't good enough for him. 

Of course, she'd practically forced herself on him, making him spend all that time with her, dragging him out into the snow, wanting him to kiss her. Ugh, thinking of it now made her skin crawl- how could she have been so pathetic? Her feelings for him had made her so desperate! She didn't deserve everything he'd done for her, everything he'd given her. If she could, she'd give it all back- let him off the hook, let him out of his obligation. That's what it was, of course. Him always rushing to her aid, well he couldn't let anything happen to her, not with Fury and the whole of SHIELD watching his every move, could he? 

How could she face him again? How could she look him in those breathtaking green eyes, knowing how truly undeserving she was of any of his attention? Maybe Loki would be glad to be rid of her, for her to finally discover the truth. He would never intentionally hurt her, but he'd at least be grateful he didn't have to put on a charade any longer. 

And who, Darcy thought bitterly, could blame him?

**oooo**

It was late, the sun having set long ago, yet Jane seemed in no rush to finish up her work for the day and go home. Loki could only assume that Thor was still off, playing hero, and that like himself, Jane had nobody to go home to. He had no desire to leave the lab, his apartment holding no allure for him now that it was devoid of Darcy. 

“You miss her, don't you?” Jane asked curiously, watching Loki stare vaguely out the window, tapping his fingers on the table in some sort of rhythm.

Loki glanced at her, but didn't reply. Jane smiled knowingly. 

“Well let's see what she's up to.” She turned to her laptop, clicked an icon, and pulled up a social media account. 

“She is with her family, I hardly think-” 

“I'm not trying to message her or anything. She wouldn't answer anyway- she'd want us to think she's too busy having a good time to check her phone. But, I am friends with her cousin, Lydia.” Jane turned the computer so Loki, who had come closer, could see. At the top of the page was a picture of a girl in a string bikini, her skin the orange tint of somebody who frequently hit the tanning bed. She was wearing over-sized sunglasses, her mouth pulled into an exaggerated pout. Glancing over to the margin of the page, where smaller photos were, Loki saw that every single one of them was of herself- no friends or family members. 

“Yeah,” Jane said, noting the puzzled look on Loki's face, “thinks a lot of herself, right? And believe me when I say, she's the _nice_ one. 

“You jest.” 

Jane shook her head. “Nope. Darce's family is the kind you read about in self-help books, you know? They've never been very supportive of her. Her dad is okay, I mean he's not winning any father of the year awards, but compared to the rest of them...” Jane trailed off, browsing through the page. 

Loki wondered, not for the first time, what had made Darcy even bother to attend this event. Did she not see how above these people she was? The only family member she spoke of with any real fondness was her departed grandmother. He looked forlornly over at Darcy's empty desk, wishing she were here to fill the room with her usual brightness, with her captivating smile.

“Ah, here were are!” Jane waved him over. There was a large picture on the screen, one of several women together, and he spotted Darcy instantly. She looked very becoming indeed in a black, sleeveless dress, her hair lightly tousled around her shoulders. Her expression, however, was not like the women around her, all toothy smiles and laughter. There was a tight grimace on her face, as though she had been threatened with her life to stand there with this group while the photograph was taken. Based on the descriptions of her family, Loki would not be surprised if that was in fact the case.

“Doesn't look like she's having a great time, does she?” Jane observed, moving her screen back in front of her. 

“One cannot blame her, of course.” Loki said, still trying to figure out how Darcy had come from such people. 

“Actually, I'm kind of glad to have this alone time with you. I've been meaning to talk to you for a few days.” Loki, surprised, spread his hands in front of him, gesturing for her to continue. 

“Normally, I wouldn't exactly be thrilled that Darcy was, you know, engaging in relations, with a criminal.” Jane looked at him seriously over her hands. “But Thor's right. You've changed a lot, particularly in the last little while. I have to assume that's in some way because of Darcy. She has that effect on people. She's really one of a kind...but there's something you need to understand. For Darcy's sake and your own. She doesn't do things half-way, I'm sure you've noticed that.” He had, of course. It was one of the things he genuinely liked about her. Such dedication and loyalty was admirable in anybody, but even more so in somebody whose life had not been exactly a cake walk, as the saying went. 

“I can tell that she really likes you. Not just in passing, and not just casually. You mean a lot to her, and there's really no going back. I mean,” Jane hastily said, “I don't expect you to like, spend your life with her or anything, I just-” 

Loki raised a silencing hand. “I know very well what you mean, and you need not worry. My intentions with Darcy are the same as hers are with me.” At the very least, he assumed they were. He was not sure what the future held for him, but he knew he wanted Darcy in it, to whatever capacity she desired. 

Jane smiled. “Good. If Fury comes through for Thor, then you won't have to go back and face Odin, right?” Jane went back to her keyboard, clacking away, while Loki retook his place at his own desk, her words resting uneasily in the air. 

**oooo**

Some time later Loki decided he may as well go back to his apartment. Without Darcy in the lab he found it harder somehow to concentrate, and without Thor or her best friend, Jane was not great company either.

Loki was restless, uneasy. He was not sure what was causing this. He had made plans to relax to some of the softer music Darcy had provided him, jazz she called it, whilst enjoying a large glass of brandy, before turning in early and getting what he hoped would be a restful night's sleep. 

Only now, just now, he felt something was horribly wrong. It could have been that he was hyper focused on Darcy's absence; people often worried much more for their loved ones safety and well-being when they were away, but this, Loki strongly felt, was not the case. 

He had no way to communicate with her, though he knew if he but asked, Jane would call her in a heartbeat. He did not want to be overbearing, and though he was sure that Darcy wouldn't think of it that way, he wanted her to know that she could come and go as she pleased, that she did not need to think of him or worry about him while she was gone. 

If only he could see her, just for a moment, to know that she was, at least, safe, that she wasn't suffering from a debilitating panic attack or something as equally dangerous.

Pacing in front of the sofa, Loki turned to the windows, a finger raised in thought. Perhaps...perhaps he _could_ glimpse her. It had happened once before, and it had been real, however improbable he had, at the time, deemed it. Yet it truly had taken place, and Darcy had made a few offhand comments since then that had only further proved the experience. 

It had been an accident, then, a happy one indeed, but chance all the same. He was not entirely sure how to establish that link again, at least not without the aid of his magic. Perhaps this time...just this once, and only a small amount of it...surely it was understandable, and anyone would agree that Darcy's well being came first and foremost...

Loki moved so his back was to the windows, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply, focusing on the cackling energy that flowed through him, that he wretchedly had to keep at bay because of his promise to Thor. He called Darcy to his mind, her flowing hair, her laugh, her deep, incessant need to care for others before herself. He imagined the connection between them, a physical cord of light and power merging with each of them at either end. Slowly he could feel Darcy's own particular essence line up with his own, as if a blurry picture had come into focus. It was as though merely a wall were separating them, now, and if Loki could but breach it, there, on the other side, Darcy would be. 

He moved in his mind's eye, trying to find any chinks in that black wall, any slivers of the brightness he so associated with Darcy, but all was dark and thick around him. It reminded him of the time before she had come into his life as intimately as she had of late...before he had decided to reach out for her as she had reached out for him in the elevator...before somebody had given him a chance, and before he had realized his pain was not singularly felt or singularly important. 

Loki urged his magic, trying to attack the strong blockade from all sides. He used only as much as he dared- he certainly did not need the whole of SHIELD to know he was breaking his agreements. Helpless and exhausted, Loki finally pulled himself back, the light of his connection to his own mental image of Darcy sputtering out until it was nonexistent. 

**oooo**

Hours later, the room dark and stifling, Darcy woke, her head pounding, her face crusted with smeared mascara and eyeliner. She hadn't been able to shake the feelings of doubt, of self-loathing, that her family had, in merely a few seconds, implanted into her mind. That they could shatter her own perception of her and Loki's relationship in only one conversation was a sickening testament to the hold they still had over her. 

No doubt about it, coming here had been a mistake. 

Her mind was a mess- a cacophony of panic and regret and, however pathetic, wishful thinking. She could be mistaken about her insignificance in relation to Loki, right?. He might well actually like her. She thought she could see his affection for her, sometimes, when he looked at her. Or was that part of her clearly obvious delusion? 

Darcy pulled her knees to her chest, her right hand finding its way to the top of her thigh, where several thick scars ran parallel to each other, wounds from a previous tag team barrage from her mom and aunt. That had been several years ago, and she had grown so little since then...

Yet these scars were proof that she had found a way to drown out her family's screeching disappointment, their unrelenting critique on every aspect of her life. Darcy sucked in a steadying breath; it was hard to ignore her desire for that feeling again, for the sweet release of one pain overshadowing, overcoming, another. 

Her hands were shaking, her eyes swimming with more tears, as she reached for the lamp on the bedside table. The room was now bathed in dim light, and she stood from the bed, going to the window, pulling open the curtain. The city shone below her, twinkling lights of buildings and zooming cars...Loki flashed through her mind again, her forehead tingling as though he had just been there, just given her that sweet and gentle parting kiss...

The room was starting to spin, now, and Darcy cursed her own weakness as familiar and detested panic overtook her senses, crowded her vision. She sunk to the floor, unable to move, unable to do more than wish for something, for _anything_ , to take this away, to take _her_ away, even if it had to hurt, even if she had to bleed, even if it meant she had more scars to hide.

It would be a small price to pay to forget who she was. 

**oooo**

Loki had left his apartment slightly earlier than normal, after deciding that being stuck there alone for a moment longer would be unbearable. As he approached the glass door, he actually stopped in his tracks, wondering if he was hallucinating the scene before him. Darcy was here, Darcy was in the lab, smiling at him as though she had simply been waiting for him. 

He quickened his step, and met her at the door. He roughly pulled her into his arms, a small jolt going through him at the contact, as he felt more at peace, more complete, then he had since the last time she had been this close to him. 

When she pulled away from him, Loki thought there was, perhaps, a slight hesitation in her eyes when his gaze met hers, but her lips were still pulled into a smile, greeting him a she had every morning for the past few months. 

“Coffee?” She asked, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear, hurriedly averting her eyes to Jane, who had just come into the lab, looking as equally surprised as Loki had at Darcy's early return.

He had not imagined it, then. There was something nervous in Darcy's manner, as though she did not want to fully look him in the face, or speak directly to him. It was as if she were hiding something from him...or that there was something she was sure he would say, or do, that she did not want to be a part of.

“Make it a double for me.” Jane said, grimacing. “Thor was off Avenging in the middle of the night and I couldn't go back to sleep. Also, I'm so glad you're back.” It was all Jane would say to Darcy's face about her being home much sooner than anticipated, and Loki decided to follow that lead. 

Darcy nodded and swept away to the coffee maker, leaving Jane and Loki alone. 

“Just don't ask. It's easier. And this,” Jane gestured to Darcy banging drawers around, “is normal.” Jane muttered. “She'll want to hide it, but she always has a really hard time with her family. But if she's back early, maybe-” Jane stopped, shaking her head. “Never mind. Just be patient with her, okay? And expect a classic Darcy Lewis freak out. _That's_ when things will get back to normal.” 

Loki nodded slowly. So his instincts had been correct last night. Darcy had been in pain, had struggled, and he did not, and could not, help her at all. He had never felt more useless in all his life. 

**oooo**

Darcy slipped out of the lab while Jane, Bruce, and Loki were engrossed in some new page of equations. She needed to get away for a bit, to breathe, to not have Loki's scent wafting around, enticing her. It was bad enough that she'd have to let him go- for she had decided last night that it really just had to be done, that the poor guy deserved to be let off the hook. She couldn't imagine her life without Loki, without his soft touches and the way he always seemed to know exactly when she needed a shoulder to cry on. He'd been there for her more in the past few months than anybody else had been in her entire life, helping her, healing her, giving her a reason to smile. 

But no more. Darcy couldn't expect him to carry on like this. She wasn't his burden, and she'd never had the right to push herself on him. She'd still see him at work, of course, which was better than nothing, and if he ever asked her over, well, she wouldn't turn that down, either. She'd take everything she could get, really. In all honesty, she would give _anything_ for Loki to care for her, to need her, like she did him, but the bottom line was, Loki deserved somebody he could be proud of, somebody he could show off, somebody so amazing that they brought meaning to his life. 

With all of her jagged edges, all of her short-comings and frailties, how could she have ever hoped to be that somebody? 

**oooo**

Loki watched Darcy disappear through the lab doors, a frown on his face. She had been so distant with him, with them all, today. It was quite unnerving, actually, and he had never before realized how much he had come to enjoy her chatter. 

“Well I'm off. Tony wants to meet for lunch, and the last time I told him no he got bored and you know, destroyed half my lab.” Bruce reached for his jacket and shuffled towards the door. 

“If only Pepper would hire a babysitter.” Jane grinned, waving as Bruce left the room. Loki went to the fridge behind the counter and pulled out two containers, each containing a sub sandwich, a sliced apple, and a bag of potato chips. Out of habit, he had prepared a lunch for himself and Darcy today, not liking how she sometimes skipped the meal because she was so busy. It seemed he would be dining without her this afternoon. 

“So Darcy's not coming around, huh?” Jane eyed the two lunches, as Loki forlornly put the second container back into the fridge. 

“She will not say more than a few words to me.” He growled in frustration, picking up a piece of apple and glaring at it. 

Jane nodded, hopping up onto the counter. “It's been like this ever since I've known her. Darce works so hard being there for everybody else, she forgets that we're here for her, too.” 

“Indeed.” Loki grimaced, then took a bite of the sandwich. It was Darcy's favorite- turkey, swiss, avacado spread, crisp bacon, yellow mustard and oregano. He had made it to her exact specifications, even layering the ingredients in the most “yummy” (according to Darcy) order. 

“Darcy isn't the kind who purposely airs her issues, you know? They're under the surface, if she can help it.” 

“I had hoped that she would understand I am not someone she should hide them from.” Had he not been there for her in other instances? Had she not seen him at nearly his very worst? Even if the abundant romantic spark had not been there, they were at least friends, dare he say good friends. Darcy could lay any and all at his feet and he would do everything he was capable of to help her. How had he not shown her that, beyond any doubt?

Jane shrugged. “Hey, we all feel that way. I wouldn't even know that she had these problems if it wasn't for her guidance counselor from college.”

“Guidance counselor?”

“They're kind of like mentors, or therapists. They help the students decide what their majors will be, what courses they need to take, what goals to set. They also offer counseling services and most, if not all, college kids need them. Darce is no exception, although she would rather die than admit it. When she started getting really bad anxiety attacks, it was after her grandma died, her parents didn't know what to do with her. In all honestly, I don't think they ever believed her- at least, her mom didn't, and still doesn't. Her dad...I think he's more inclined to believe her, but then Darcy was always closer to him than her mother. Anyway,” Jane paused, taking a sip of coffee, “She'd gone home one weekend, there was some family party, and she had a really bad attack. Hyperventilating, fainting, the whole works. Somebody called 911 and her parents made her spend a week in the psych ward. To be frank, I think she needed it. Finally there, at the hospital, she could talk to people who understood what she was going through, she could relate to them. Well, all of this was before she signed up to be my intern, so I can't genuinely say if Darcy was much different then as compared to now. This is all stuff I learned from the notes from the sessions with the counselor. Darce doesn't know it, and I don't ever want her to find out, but I read her file to process her application for the internship.” 

Loki stood, taken aback. He had sensed, of course, that not one of Darcy's family ever tried to care about her in the ways she needed them to, and that she had dealt with her states of mind practically alone. He had never wondered, though, how deep these issues had affected her, how hard her struggle must have been. 

If anybody knew first-hand what it was like to be on their own...

“Her being taken to hospital...was that the worst of everything?” 

Jane pursed her lips, as if she knew something, but didn't want to say. “...yes, and no. At least, I'm not _sure_ /. I didn't...I mean, I should've, I know I should've, but I didn't want her to think...” Jane took a deep breath. “I'm a bad person, Loki, okay? You should know that. I can admit that. I haven't old anybody about this, because I figured it's Darcy's business and nobody else's...but she's sort of your business, isn't she?”

“What the Hel are you speaking of?!” 

“There was another...incident. It was right after Thor left New Mexico. I was...god, I was such a mess. I mean, I'd fallen so hard for him and he'd slipped right through my fingers, and we couldn't find him. I tried so hard to, searched to the actual ends of the earth, and still nothing. I know now, of course, what happened to the Bifrost, but then I just assumed he'd abandoned me. Well, I did what I do best. I buried myself in my work. Darcy had graduated by then, but she was still working with me. I couldn't pay her much but I'd managed to get a grant from a planetarium in Phoenix, so we were a little better off than we'd been before, living in the desert in a bunch of tin cans. We went to a conference, somewhere in the midwest, and what a coincidence, her mom and aunt happened to be in town, visiting a second cousin or something. So Darcy goes out to dinner with them- she invited me, and in retrospect I should've gone with her. But I thought, hey, maybe her mom has come around, at least a little bit. People change, they grow. I thought it would be a good chance for them to catch up- Darcy had so little contact with her family.” 

Jane ran her finger around the rim of her mug, giving a small sigh. “Anyway, we were sharing a room to cut costs- anything we could save we could put back into our research. So I took off to the nearest library for a few hours and when I came back to the room, I found Darce asleep on top of her blankets...well, she'd had a lot to drink, I think, I could smell the booze on her, you know? I thought she'd just had too many long island iced teas. So I went to cover her up, and that's when I saw the blood.” 

Loki's sense of foreboding had been slowly building the entire time Jane had been telling him this story, this memory from years ago. He had been gripping the back of his usual chair, his knuckles white from his firm grip. 

“Darcy was so out of it that I was able to clean it up without her even waking up. There were a few...cuts. I didn't know if they were...I mean she could've just done it on accident while shaving, I guess, but...” Jane trailed off. Further explanation was unnecessary. Loki had heard all he needed to, all he could stomach. He felt anger and worry crackle through him, his blood pumping through his body as though it were full of sparks, of fire. 

He swept from the room without bothering to reply to Jane, thinking only of finding Darcy. 

**oooo**

Darcy left the building, needing some air, needing to be lost in the noise and lunch rush of the city. She craved anonymity at that moment, to be just another one of the thousand other people rushing to and fro. Earlier this morning Jane had given her the meteorite ring Thor had proposed with, asking her to drop it off at a specialized cleaner she knew. So Darcy stuck the small box Thor had kept the ring in into her pocket and left the moment she had a chance, using the small errand as an excuse to slack off. 

“Lewis!” 

Darcy cursed aloud- of _course_ she couldn't walking down the effing street and blend in like a normal person. 

Darcy turned to her left, seeing Tony Stark himself waving at her, seated in an outdoor terrace at a swanky restaurant Darcy had often stopped outside to check out the menu, but never seriously considered eating at. The apps and a glass of wine alone would've eaten half her paycheck. 

“Care to join?” Tony indicated the vacant seat across from him.

Darcy shrugged, hopping over the small wrought iron fence that separated the tables from the sidewalk. Killing some time here with Tony or wandering aimlessly through the city blocks made no difference to her, she was just doing whatever she could to put off the inevitable task of making herself scarce in Loki's life. 

“I thought Bruce was your lunch date?” Darcy asked, and dropped unceremoniously into the chair. 

“He was, but there was some chemical disaster in Bangladesh that needed his full attention. Or was it Barcelona? Either way,” Tony waved a hand flippantly, “he's out, you're in. So, what'll you have?” Tony made eye contact with the waiter, who rushed over, awaiting Darcy's order. 

“Whatever the Special is- unless it has tentacles, then no way, count me out.” 

The waiter shook his head. “Goat cheese and spinach ravioli in a pancetta Alfredo.” 

Darcy nodded and the waiter whisked away, returning seconds later with a basket of fresh bread and a tall glass of sparkling ice water. 

“Odd to see you take a lunch break outside of the lab, isn't it?” Tony said, slathering butter on a slice of bread and pushing it towards Darcy. 

“I don't know, maybe. I just needed...a change of scenery I guess.” Darcy took a bite out of the bread, dropping her eyes to the table. Lately something about Tony made her a little wary- not that he was ever rude or overbearing (to her personally, anyway), just that he always seemed to know more than he let on. 

“When I started getting it bad for Pepper, I started taking my lunches to go, too.” Tony mused, a knowing smirk on his face. 

Darcy ignored this, taking another bite of bread. 

“Do you know the first time I realized I loved her?” Tony shot the question at Darcy, who couldn't resist the urge to snap back at him. “How the fudge am I supposed to know that?!” 

“It wasn't love at first sight or anything. Sure, Pep was nice to look at- but she always wore her hair up and never put on anything that afforded me any glimpses of what lay beneath the power suit.”

“Yeah well who can blame her? Her boss was a perv.” Darcy said dismissively. 

“ _Is_ a perv.” Tony corrected. Darcy wanted to point out that actually Pepper was head of SI, not him, so he may still have been gross, but he wasn't her boss. Though, what was the point? Tony Stark did not care about technicalities. 

“So does this snoozer have a point or-” 

“The point is,” Tony said, aggravated, “when I knew I loved Pepper, was when I was at my worst. You don't sabotage your own security system and start giving away all your personal possessions and ask Romanoff for life advice unless you've already got one foot off the ledge, right?” 

Darcy gave an acquiescing nod- she had to give him that one. Not about the life advice- she hardcore girlcrushed Nat, but about the personal hijacking and the doling out of possessions. 

“Without Pepper and Rhodey, who knows what I could've become? Without the people who love us and accept us- the good and the insane alike- what could _any_ of us become?” 

“Look, I don't even know how you know...whatever it is you know. But honestly dude, you don't get it at all. This isn't about Loki, okay.” Once again Darcy was dumbfounded at Tony's ability to so expertly read the situation. 

“Who do you think I'm talking about, Lewis? Geez, not everything is about your Teen Beat cover boy.”

Darcy rolled her eyes, her cheeks hot. “What I mean is, I'm the problem. Not Loki.” 

Tony gave her a look- one of mixed sympathy, understanding, and arrogance- that she immediately wanted to smack off his face. “Pepper wasn't the problem either.” He stood up and laid a few bills down, easily covering their lunch with a very generous tip for the server. 

“I'll give you some alone time, but don't insult Andre by not getting shaved truffles on the pasta, okay?” He squeezed her shoulder affectionately, then strolled away, leaving Darcy to her very tangled thoughts. 

**oooo**

“Oh, hey Darce.” Jane looked up as Darcy rushed into the lab. 

“Right, hi. Where's Loki?” 

Jane smirked. “I sent him home. After you left he was completely useless. Totally lost without you, if you ask me.” 

Darcy flushed, but didn't reply as she spun on her heel and burned rubber out of the lab doors and towards the stairs. Despite not initially wanting to listen to it, Tony's advice had given her plenty to think about. She knew it was now or never, and there was no point in beating around the bush any longer. She would say her piece to Loki, and hope that he understood her feelings. 

She took the stairs two at a time, coming to a halt outside of Loki's door. She lifted her hand, took a deep breath, and knocked, the door swinging open almost immediately. 

“Darcy.” Loki's face relaxed with abrupt relief. 

“Hi,” She said, trying to swallow the slight hysteria rising inside her throat. No, no, she could do this. She could be calm and rational and- 

It happened before she could even take another breath- Loki had cupped her face in both of his hands and leaned down into her, pressing his lips to hers, kissing her fervently, heat rising between them as Darcy's mind, slowed to a crawl by Loki's closeness and the intensity of the kiss, finally caught up to what was happening. Loki dropped one hand and wrapped it around her waist, pulling her flush against him. Her hands lay flat against his chest, a torrent of incredibly pleasant chills running down her entire body, pulling her out of everything- the hallway, the whole floor, reality. If this was what Jane felt when she kissed Thor, well, no wonder Darcy ran into them slobbering all over each other all the time. 

Loki broke away first; perhaps he knew that Darcy would rather have passed out from lack of oxygen then stop kissing him, then even to take the chance at the fire between them becoming extinguished, even for a second. 

Loki rested his forehead against hers, then snapped his head up, looking wildly around. 

“UM,” Bemused, Darcy had pulled slightly back from Loki, but now she too flung her head from side to side, her mind that had been crawling through mud now in severe overdrive. They definitely weren't in the hallway between Loki and Jane and Thor's apartment anymore! They weren't even _inside_ anymore! There were standing, under the night sky, somewhere out in the vast open country. What had felt like transcendence from the real world had in fact been just that. Well, could she be blamed for not noticing? Loki had completely blindsided her with the most amazing kiss she'd ever had. If she were dazed, out of it, well, it was totes his fault. 

“Where the fuck are we?” Darcy looked around, her eyes trying to adjust to the dark. Loki immediately dropped his arms from around her, whirling around defensively, making sure she was at his back. “And why aren't I freezing? It's still fucking Winter, last time I checked!” 

“Darcy,” Loki said slowly, looking around, taking in the darkened valley below them, the bejeweled stars above them. There was something distinctly familiar about the position of those stars...

“No,” Darcy gasped, and Loki nodded slowly. 

“Area 86.” 

**Omg, I hope this chapter was both long enough and not too long...I'm so sorry about the ridiculously long wait! Excuses excuses excuses...I have a million of 'em! Even if I go years between updates, I promise this story will be going strong until I'm finished telling it. So just be patient with me! As ever, feedback is love. Thank you for your continued reading and support!**

**Lyrics from Beautiful With You by Halestorm.**


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